As if through the mirror’s mirror: despair, disbelief, hate

by Ştefan Bolea
translation from Romanian by Camelia-Aura Barbu [MTTLC student]
click aici pentru versiunea română

 
1.   Hope is a lie. You hope for something you know you will never have. What’s more, it is a subspecies of fear. “Don’t hope and don’t be afraid”= When you hope, you are afraid. You hope for something that you don’t deserve. If you deserved it, it would come from your action itself, not from your untamed wish. „Losing all hope is freedom”. Losing all hope is death. Better dead than weak! Why be upset when you can do? So be hope-less! Despair is the black hole on the flag of humiliation.

2.   If you are gullible, you will have many disappointments. It is absurd to believe what is absurd. Understand that you can’t believe in order to understand. If scepticism is a sort of passive nihilism, disTrust has an active shade, which enjoys the most destroying beliefs. I believe in my own distrust. “If he believes, he doesn’t believe. If he doesn’t believe, he believes.” Of Stavrogin only the ambiguity remains: the character is his own demon, gnome or buffoon. Stavrogin was the shadow – you have to be the super-shadow! Until disbelief will attack itself, like the snake Ouroboros, to finish its mission to obliterate all beliefs!

3.   Hatred stronger than love, as one of Umberto Eco’s characters thought. Could it be the opposite of agape – abhorrence, hatred of the superior ones, close to indifference? Hatred, criminal desire (Sartre). “I hate you to death”. Hatred, black magic. Hatred, attachment to the past (Ion Vianu). What is the secret of hatred? Love? Madness? Tenacity? Crime? Unknowingness? Hope is a lie. Faith is a lie. Love is a lie. Hatred is the lie of a lie, so, psychologically (not logically) speaking, a special untruth. A personal untruth. “My tunnel”.

4.   I am not Satan (to answer Sartre’s Baudelaire), I am against Satan, as I am against God. The difference between Satan and I is equivalent to the difference between Jesus and Paul. Rather Satan is the symbol of today’s church that wants money and worldly power. The church despises those who live in the world of ideas. For the church “dead are the deads”. God has been killed by priests as well.

5.   I am a party with only one member, a religion with only one believer, an orchestra with a double instrument: a chainsaw playing a harp.