{"id":10487,"date":"2014-11-11T00:35:59","date_gmt":"2014-11-10T22:35:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=10487"},"modified":"2014-11-11T00:35:59","modified_gmt":"2014-11-10T22:35:59","slug":"foame","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=10487","title":{"rendered":"Foame"},"content":{"rendered":"

[fragment din romanul Exorcizat<\/a><\/em>]<\/strong><\/p>\n

de Radu G\u0103van<\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

Problema era c\u0103 trecuse ceva timp de la prima mea v\u00e2nzare \u015fi nu mai aveam bani. Acest comision nenorocit ar fi trebuit s\u0103 fie un colac de salvare \u015fi acum nu mai aveam de ce s\u0103 m\u0103 ag\u0103\u0163.<\/p>\n

Am \u00eenceput s\u0103 ra\u0163ionalizez m\u00e2ncarea, s\u0103 m\u0103 mul\u00ad\u0163umesc cu c\u00e2teva sendvi\u015furi cu p\u00e2ine \u015fi salam pe zi, s\u0103 beau ap\u0103 de la robinet \u015fi s\u0103 adun m\u0103run\u0163i\u015ful de prin cas\u0103. \u00centr-o zi m-am dus cu un pumn de mo\u00adnezi la magazin \u015fi am cerut o sut\u0103 de grame de salam. Dar nu \u00eemi pierdeam speran\u0163a. Am devenit mai pu\u00adternic, m-am \u00eenr\u0103it. M\u0103r\u015f\u0103luiam pe cimentul rece al garsonierei \u015fi morm\u0103iam la nesf\u00e2r\u015fit \u201cTu nu cedezi! <\/em>Te ridici, nu r\u0103m\u00e2i jos! Niciodat\u0103! Eu nu cedez! Eu c\u00e2\u015f\u00adtig!\u201d<\/em>. \u00cencetul cu \u00eencetul, asta mi-a devenit litania, su\u00adportul supravie\u0163uirii mele.<\/p>\n

M\u0103 sculam diminea\u0163a cu triste\u0163ea \u00een priviri, f\u0103\u00adceam un du\u015f chinuit, m\u00e2ncam o mas\u0103 s\u0103r\u0103c\u0103cioas\u0103 \u015fi m\u0103 duceam la munc\u0103. \u00cemi pl\u0103cea ce f\u0103ceam, dar \u00eencepusem s\u0103 devin disperat pentru c\u0103 nu mai reu\u00ad\u015feam s\u0103 v\u00e2nd ceva.<\/p>\n

\u015ei \u00eentr-o zi m-am trezit c\u0103 nu mai aveam niciun ban. Nimic. C\u0103utasem peste tot. \u015ei nu doar o dat\u0103. Parc\u0103 \u00eennebunisem, r\u0103scoleam frenetic printre lucruri \u015fi \u00eentorceam buzunare pe dos, \u00eemi \u00eenfigeam unghiile \u00een p\u0103r \u015fi refuzam s\u0103 accept c\u0103 nu mai aveam cu ce s\u0103 \u00eemi iau de m\u00e2ncare. Apoi am obosit \u015fi m-am pr\u0103bu\u015fit \u00eentr-un fotoliu. Am stat a\u015fa, f\u0103r\u0103 g\u00e2nduri, cam jum\u0103ta\u00adte de or\u0103 \u015fi apoi am \u00eenceput iar s\u0103 caut. C\u00e2nd vedeam o hain\u0103 \u00een care credeam c\u0103 am uitat s\u0103 scotocesc, spe\u00adran\u0163a m\u0103 \u00eempungea iar \u015fi pentru o clip\u0103 tres\u0103ream. Dar c\u0103utasem \u00een toate, nici m\u0103car nu aveam prea multe, ca s\u0103 \u00eemi mai fac iluzii. Trebuia s\u0103 cer ajutor cuiva. \u00cemi era foame. \u00cen seara aia am b\u0103ut mult\u0103 ap\u0103.<\/p>\n

A doua zi, dezbr\u0103cat de ambi\u0163ie, entuziasm sau m\u00e2ndrie de altfel, m-am dus la ai mei. Era sear\u0103 \u015fi erau am\u00e2ndoi acas\u0103, ceea ce m\u0103 f\u0103cea s\u0103 sper c\u0103 voi avea \u015fanse duble la un ajutor b\u0103nesc. Le-am spus c\u0103 am nevoie de bani, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 men\u0163ionez \u00eens\u0103 c\u0103 nu mai aveam de nici unele. Ca s\u0103 \u00eei impresionez, \u00een timp ce st\u0103team pe un scaun f\u0103r\u0103 sp\u0103tar \u00een buc\u0103tarie, am \u00eenceput s\u0103 b\u00e2\u0163\u00e2i u\u015for din cap \u00een fa\u0163a lor, privind pier\u00addut \u00een gol. Cabotinismul meu era \u00eens\u0103 doar pe jum\u0103\u00adtate adev\u0103rat, cealalt\u0103 parte a tremuratului era pe c\u00e2t se poate de real\u0103 \u015fi venea din starea de sl\u0103biciune la care ajunsesem.<\/p>\n

Peste zece minute eram \u00een strad\u0103, cu lacrimi \u00een ochi, repro\u015furi zb\u0103t\u00e2ndu-mi-se \u00een urechi \u015fi buzu\u00adnarele goale \u00een continuare. Taic\u0103-miu \u00eemi aruncase \u00een fa\u0163\u0103 c\u0103 nu \u00eemi termin facultatea \u015fi c\u0103 asta e calea aleas\u0103 de mine, \u00een timp ce maic\u0103-mea m\u0103 \u00eempunsese \u015fi mai tare, mir\u00e2ndu-se c\u0103 nu reu\u015fesc s\u0103 m\u0103 descurc \u00een via\u0163\u0103, ca \u015fi cum aceast\u0103 observa\u0163ie ar fi trebuit s\u0103 m\u0103 ajute \u00een vreun fel. Dup\u0103 zece minute de umilin\u0163\u0103, mi-am dat seama c\u0103 nu m\u0103 aflam unde a\u015f fi vrut \u015fi am plecat \u00eenfr\u00e2nt. M\u0103car reu\u015fisem s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nc c\u00e2teva felii de p\u00e2ine cu miere.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

A doua zi am avut parte de o surpriz\u0103 extrem de pl\u0103cut\u0103. Doamna Roman g\u0103tise pentru noi. Atunci am m\u00e2ncat spaghete pentru prima oar\u0103. \u00cen sosul de ro\u015fii pusese c\u00e2rn\u0103ciori delicio\u015fi, \u015func\u0103 gustoas\u0103 \u015fi usturoi aromat. Mirosul era \u00eennebunitor. Am reu\u015fit totu\u015fi s\u0103 nu \u00eenfulec ca un disperat, ca s\u0103 nu m\u0103 fac de r\u00e2s, dar am mai cerut o por\u0163ie f\u0103r\u0103 prea mult\u0103 ru\u015fine. Cu aceast\u0103 ocazie am descoperit c\u0103 \u00een cazul meu ti\u00admiditatea tindea s\u0103 devin\u0103 invers propor\u0163ional\u0103 cu foamea \u015fi pentru o clip\u0103 m-am \u00eentrebat dac\u0103 ceva s-a schimbat \u00een mine, dar \u00een momentul urm\u0103tor am \u00eenfipt furculi\u0163a \u00eentr-o bucat\u0103 de cabanos \u015fi am uitat de \u00eentrebare. Atunci am sim\u0163it o c\u0103ldur\u0103 deosebit\u0103 pentru doamna Roman \u015fi, pentru un timp, am decis s\u0103 ignor tr\u0103darea ei. \u00cen fond, a\u015fa e via\u0163a, nu? Plin\u0103 de dezam\u0103giri uitate, aduse \u00een stadiul de resentiment, reduse la sechele \u015fi complexe. Cu noi la mas\u0103 mai erau doar Victor \u015fi Simona. Din fericire, Ioan \u015fi Laura erau la o vizionare, a\u015fa c\u0103 r\u0103m\u00e2nea mai mult\u0103 m\u00e2ncare. \u00cen seara aceea am dormit f\u0103r\u0103 griji.<\/p>\n

A doua zi mi-am f\u0103cut curaj \u015fi am \u00eemprumutat ni\u015fte bani de la doamna Roman. Nu mul\u0163i, dar sufi\u00adcien\u0163i pentru o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 de p\u00e2ine cu salam.<\/p>\n

Seara m-am trezit la u\u015f\u0103 cu portarul \u015fi pre\u015fedin\u00adtele asocia\u0163iei de locatari. Nu mai pl\u0103tisem \u00eentre\u0163i\u00adnerea cam de mult\u0103 vreme \u015fi aveam o restan\u0163\u0103 des\u00adtul de mare, insurmontabil\u0103 \u00een acel moment pentru mine. M-au amenin\u0163at cu tribunalul, m-au tratat ca pe un pu\u015ftan ratat, mi-au vorbit de sus \u015fi au \u0163ipat la mine, iar eu am f\u0103cut singurul lucru pertinent posibil \u00een acel moment \u2013 am l\u0103sat capul \u00een jos, am dat obr\u0103znicia \u015fi agresivitatea lor deoparte \u015fi le-am promis smerit c\u0103 voi pl\u0103ti. Apoi, pe c\u00e2nd plecau, iar eu m\u0103 pr\u0103v\u0103leam obosit \u00eenapoi \u00een fotoliu, am sim\u0163it cum b\u0103t\u0103ile inimii \u00eemi bubuie \u00een cap \u015fi mi-am impus s\u0103 iau lucrurile pe r\u00e2nd. Altfel \u015ftiam c\u0103 voi fi cur\u00e2nd dobor\u00e2t. E o senza\u0163ie destul de na\u015fpa s\u0103 \u0163i se \u00eenchid\u0103 u\u015file \u00een nas \u015fi s\u0103 sim\u0163i c\u0103 te apropii de un col\u0163 din care nu mai po\u0163i s\u0103 ie\u015fi. E ca \u015fi cum e noapte, e\u015fti \u00een mijlocul oceanului \u015fi te zba\u0163i s\u0103 nu te duci la fund. \u015ei valurile \u00eencep s\u0103 te oboseasc\u0103, bra\u0163ele \u015fi picioare\u00adle \u00ee\u015fi pierd \u00eencetul cu \u00eencetul vlaga \u015fi tu sim\u0163i gustul h\u0103ului de sub tine. Frica \u015fi speran\u0163a te mai \u0163in la su\u00adprafa\u0163\u0103 o vreme, apoi vine momentul \u00een care nu mai conteaz\u0103 nimic \u015fi \u00een c\u00e2teva clipe \u0163i se rupe filmul. E mai bine dup\u0103 aceea? Nimeni nu \u015ftie.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[fragment din romanul Exorcizat] de Radu G\u0103van   Problema era c\u0103 trecuse ceva timp de la prima mea v\u00e2nzare \u015fi nu mai aveam bani. Acest comision nenorocit ar fi trebuit s\u0103 fie un colac de salvare \u015fi acum nu mai aveam de ce s\u0103 m\u0103 ag\u0103\u0163. Am \u00eenceput s\u0103 ra\u0163ionalizez m\u00e2ncarea, s\u0103 m\u0103 mul\u00ad\u0163umesc cu […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1042,15],"tags":[1053,875,1115,1072],"class_list":["post-10487","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia42","category-proza","tag-egophobia-42","tag-fragment-de-roman","tag-proza","tag-radu-gavan"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s6DakB-foame","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10487","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10487"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10487\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10488,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10487\/revisions\/10488"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10487"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10487"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10487"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}