de Drago\u0219 Filioreanu<\/p>\n
No one ever listens, this wallpaper glistens<\/em> Te-ai \u00eentrebat vreodat\u0103 cum e s\u0103 p\u0103\u0219e\u0219ti \u00een propria ta cas\u0103, \u00een propria ta via\u021b\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 nu mai recuno\u0219ti nimic? Nu, nu vorbesc de schimbare, ci de sentimentul c\u0103 totul este pierdut. Te ui\u021bi \u00een oglind\u0103, te \u00eentorci pe toate p\u0103r\u021bile, \u00ee\u021bi treci m\u00e2na prin p\u0103rul care parc\u0103 nici nu mai este al t\u0103u. Te dezbraci de haine, te \u00eembraci cu altele, faci un du\u0219, revii, acela\u0219i lucru. Oglinda e stricat\u0103, sigur asta e. Sau poate c\u0103 tu e\u0219ti stricat. Sau poate c\u0103 oglinda este pus\u0103 \u00een locul gre\u0219it.<\/p>\n Intru \u00een cas\u0103. Un miros necunoscut, nepl\u0103cut, dar suportabil m\u0103 \u00eenv\u0103luie. V\u0103d perechi de papuci pe care nu i-am mai v\u0103zut. V\u0103d dou\u0103 paltoane aruncate pe un fotoliu. Aud voci, r\u00e2sete, zgomote. Nu simt un iz de fum de \u021bigar\u0103, ci de transpira\u021bie, de respira\u021bie a unor m\u00e2nc\u0103tori de lucruri pe care eu nu le m\u0103n\u00e2nc. Un miros pe care nu vreau niciodat\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eel simt. *<\/p>\n -P\u0103i \u0219i ce, tu crezi c\u0103 eu nu pot s\u0103 \u00eemi refac via\u021ba? Am patruzeci de ani, tu pleci, dac\u0103 mor singur\u0103? Cine o s\u0103 \u00eemi aduc\u0103 un pahar cu ap\u0103? *<\/p>\n Crezi c\u0103 poate fi cum era. Crezi c\u0103 mai po\u021bi fi tu. Crezi c\u0103 lumea ta e \u00eenc\u0103 acolo, dar ea s-a pierdut de mult. Lumea ta a fost ca o h\u00e2rtie, cel mai bine un avion de h\u00e2rtie aruncat pe geamul \u0219colii, \u00eentr-o zi ploioas\u0103 \u0219i care aterizeaz\u0103 \u00eentr-o balt\u0103 de noroi \u0219i ap\u0103 \u0219i maro. Mizerie. Avionul se ud\u0103, devine din ce \u00een ce mai transparent chiar \u0219i prin prisma murd\u0103riei, apoi doi plozi vin \u0219i \u00eencep s\u0103 sar\u0103 \u00een balt\u0103. Sar pe tine. Sar pe tot ce ai fost vreodat\u0103 \u0219i te transform\u0103 \u00een mai multe buc\u0103\u021bi, care devin mai mici, p\u00e2n\u0103 ajung s\u0103 fie una cu asfaltul. Cineva ar spune chiar c\u0103 acolo nu a fost niciodat\u0103 un avion alb, frumos, din h\u00e2rtie de bun\u0103 calitate. Dintr-o foaie rupt\u0103 din blocul de desen cump\u0103rat de ai t\u0103i, demult, demult, c\u00e2nd \u00eenc\u0103 mai erai, c\u00e2nd \u00eenc\u0103 mai pictai, c\u00e2nd \u00eenc\u0103 aveai o can\u0103 de plastic cu pene pe ea tot timpul \u00een ghiozdan, \u00eempreun\u0103 cu un prosop brodat cu numele t\u0103u. de Drago\u0219 Filioreanu No one ever listens, this wallpaper glistens Don’t let them see what goes down in the kitchen. Places, places, get in your places Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces. Everyone thinks that we’re perfect Please don’t let them look through the curtains. [Melanie Martinez – Dollhouse] Te-ai \u00eentrebat […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1224,15],"tags":[1220,1225,1115],"class_list":["post-11454","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-47","category-proza","tag-dragos-filioreanu","tag-egophobia-47","tag-proza"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-2YK","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11454","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11454"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11454\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11455,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11454\/revisions\/11455"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11454"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11454"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11454"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nDon’t let them see what goes down in the kitchen.<\/em>
\nPlaces, places, get in your places<\/em>
\nThrow on your dress and put on your doll faces.<\/em>
\nEveryone thinks that we’re perfect<\/em>
\nPlease don’t let them look through the curtains.<\/em>
\n[Melanie Martinez – Dollhouse<\/em>]<\/p>\n
\nErau ei.
\n\u0218i mi-am dat seama c\u0103 aveau s\u0103 fie \u00een fiecare zi.
\nAr fi fost de prisos s\u0103 merg s\u0103 \u00eei salut. C\u0103 oricum vin ei la mine, fie c\u0103 vreau sau nu.
\n\u0218tiu c\u0103 nu mai pleac\u0103. \u0218tiu c\u0103 o s\u0103 m\u0103 trezesc \u0219i \u00een loc s\u0103 fiu singur \u0219i s\u0103 merg \u00een buc\u0103t\u0103rie s\u0103 fumez, s\u0103 beau cafea, s\u0103 citesc, vor fi ei acolo. \u0218i m\u0103 vor chema, s\u0103 lu\u0103m masa \u00een familie. C\u0103 a\u0219a-i frumos.
\nPe dracu.<\/p>\n
\n-Singur\u0103 sau nu, o s\u0103 \u021bi-l iei tu. Nu ne-am n\u0103scut s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi fim la dispozi\u021bie.
\n-Nu po\u021bi face nimic. Nu gravit\u0103m to\u021bi \u00een jurul t\u0103u! Spui asta pentru c\u0103 nu m\u0103 iube\u0219ti.
\n-Spun asta pentru c\u0103 nu mai vezi.
\n-Ce s\u0103 nu v\u0103d? Uite, \u00ee\u021bi plac noii mei ochelari? Au lentile care \u00ee\u0219i schimb\u0103 culoarea.
\n-Lentilele din carton pentru un creatur\u0103 de carton.<\/p>\n
\n\u00cencepi s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nci din ce \u00een ce mai mult, sl\u0103be\u0219ti, te \u00eengra\u0219i iar, umpli camera de fum noaptea la trei, nu-\u021bi pas\u0103, cearc\u0103nele se ad\u00e2ncesc \u0219i se fac tot mai negre, \u00eentocmai ca pl\u0103m\u00e2nii t\u0103i, devii palid, tu\u0219e\u0219ti, c\u00e2teodat\u0103 cu s\u00e2nge, e\u0219ti ca o scrumier\u0103 ambulant\u0103. Te \u00eembraci \u00een negru, vezi filme alb-negru, \u00ee\u021bi schimbi blogul de pe tumblr \u00een tem\u0103 black-and-white, lac negru pe unghii, bocanci negri, pe alocuri ceva gri. Cite\u0219ti c\u0103r\u021bi cu coper\u021bi negre. \u00ce\u021bi vopse\u0219ti p\u0103rul negru. Scrii cu negru la \u0219coal\u0103. Vrei s\u0103 faci totul negru. Vezi via\u021ba \u00een negru. Via\u021ba ta e neagr\u0103. Ca tine.
\n\u00centotdeauna mi-a pl\u0103cut s\u0103 experimentez lucruri noi, s\u0103 fac ceea ce \u00eemi place, s\u0103 fiu \u00een locuri \u00een care m\u0103 pot dezvolta. P\u00e2n\u0103 atunci, f\u0103ceam anumite lucruri pentru c\u0103 pur \u0219i simplu \u00eemi pl\u0103ceau. Nu realizasem c\u00e2t de mult ne putem schimba pe noi \u00een\u0219ine, voluntar sau nu.
\nLumea mea se transformase \u00eentr-o negur\u0103 a nop\u021bii, v\u0103zut\u0103 prin prisma unor ochi ce nu mai cunoscuser\u0103 \u00eentunericul niciodat\u0103. \u00centocmai ca un avion de h\u00e2rtie, am fost alb, apoi a urmat un degrade \u00eencet, dar sigur. De\u0219i ceilal\u021bi \u0219i chiar \u0219i eu, la \u00eenceput, m\u0103 vedeau pur \u0219i simplu ca fiind negru, am ajuns s\u0103 \u00een\u021beleg c\u0103 nu eram o culoare. Non-culoare, ce-o fi.
\nEram o balt\u0103 mare de Nimic, care cre\u0219tea \u0219i devenea tot mai mult. Nu acaparam ceea ce m\u0103 \u00eenconjura, ci chiar eu eram smuls de c\u0103tre ni\u0219te m\u00e2ini, fiin\u021be ale Nefiin\u021bei, dar totu\u0219i cunoscute. M\u00e2ini-oameni, m\u00e2ini-locuri, poate c\u0103 \u00eensu\u0219i via\u021ba era ni\u0219te m\u00e2ini. Invizibile, tari, groase, cu vene care pulseaz\u0103 de nervi \u0219i r\u0103utate \u0219i furie, cu mici firi\u0219oare de p\u0103r care m\u0103 zg\u00e2riau.
\nS\u00e2ngerez. Dar s\u00e2ngele meu nu e lichid. Este chiar ca o lume. O lume \u00eentr-o lume, r\u0103m\u0103\u0219i\u021b\u0103 inert\u0103 a unui cadavru func\u021bional, dar mort. O fantom\u0103 care picteaz\u0103 cu s\u00e2nge pe propriul s\u0103u halat alb. C\u00e2teodat\u0103, hematiile iau forma unor entit\u0103\u021bi negre, desigur. Negre pe alb. Ceea ce este c\u00e2nd nimic altceva nu poate fi.
\nM\u0103 av\u00e2nt \u00een c\u0103l\u0103toria sublim\u0103 de g\u0103sire a unui bandaj mai mult sau mai pu\u021bin trupesc. Rana supureaz\u0103, se formeaz\u0103 puroi alb, dar care nu ustur\u0103\u2026 Ci mai degrab\u0103 alin\u0103. M\u0103gule\u0219te. \u00cemi d\u0103 un rost \u0219i m\u0103 face s\u0103 fiu, a\u0219a cum nu am mai fost vreodat\u0103. \u00cel \u00eempr\u0103\u0219tii peste tot \u0219i Totul cap\u0103t\u0103 o form\u0103 mai frumoas\u0103 dec\u00e2t orice.
\nSunt, p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd simt u\u0219a camerei izbindu-se, intr\u0103 un frig, intr\u0103 un monstru str\u0103in care vorbe\u0219te o limb\u0103 ne\u00een\u021beleas\u0103 nici chiar de el. Vreau s\u0103 fug. Vreau s\u0103 deschid geamul \u0219i s\u0103 sar. S\u0103 cad. Monstrul arunc\u0103 cu ni\u0219te obiecte \u00een mine, eu le arunc pe geam, monstrul mai rage pu\u021bin \u0219i pleac\u0103.
\nP\u00e2n\u0103 \u00eentr-o zi, c\u00e2nd voi pleca \u0219i eu.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"