{"id":11524,"date":"2016-12-29T22:53:09","date_gmt":"2016-12-29T20:53:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=11524"},"modified":"2016-12-29T22:53:09","modified_gmt":"2016-12-29T20:53:09","slug":"reminiscente","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=11524","title":{"rendered":"Reminiscen\u021be"},"content":{"rendered":"

(jidovul r\u0103t\u0103citor)<\/span><\/p>\n

de Paul Belce<\/p>\n

\n\u00cen copil\u0103rie eram at\u00e2t de plin de mine. Sufeream de prea-plinul substan\u021bei, m\u0103 pasiona analiza fiec\u0103rui obiect. Ast\u0103zi suf\u0103r la fel de mult, cu aceea\u0219i intensitate, dar din alte cauze. De cele mai multe ori exterioare.
\nReflectam uneori asupra a ceea ce voi sim\u021bi \u00een anul 2012, 2016 sau 2020 de pild\u0103. \u00cens\u0103 oric\u00e2t a\u0219 fi \u00eencercat nu reu\u0219eam s\u0103 trec de bariera anilor \u201990. Dincolo de ei era o str\u0103lucire febril\u0103, un nor auriu \u00eenc\u0103rcat de promisiuni, f\u0103r\u0103 o form\u0103 anume. Ast\u0103zi \u0219tiu de exemplu c\u0103 prim\u0103vara lui 2016 a fost otravit\u0103, \u00eens\u0103 la momentul respectiv nu anticipam a\u0219a ceva.
\nEram pasionat de mi\u0219care, dar nu de modul ei fenomenologic de manifestare, ci de senza\u021bia intern\u0103 a mi\u0219c\u0103rii, de contrac\u021bia \u0219i destinderea muschilor, de imponderabilitatea la care mi se supunea corpul \u00een traseul s\u0103u dup\u0103 o minge, \u0219i priveam uimit cum lumea \u00eemi vine rapid \u00een \u00eent\u00e2mpinare, iar fiecare obiect cap\u0103t\u0103 propor\u021bii neb\u0103nuite.
\nCu timpul lucrurile au \u00eenceput s\u0103 se mic\u0219oreze, iar eu am \u00eenceput s\u0103 le privesc cu ochi indiferen\u021bi, ostili uneori. Ca \u0219i cum ar fi ap\u0103rut str\u0103ine, nelalocul lor. M-am golit de sentimente \u0219i de dorin\u021be. Sau mai degrab\u0103 ele s-au retras \u00eentr-un cotlon al memoriei, pe f\u0103ga\u0219ul unei albii acum secate, de unde n\u0103valesc c\u00e2nd \u0219i c\u00e2nd cu o for\u021b\u0103 n\u0103ucitoare.
\nSomnul \u00eemi este altul: \u00een copil\u0103rie adormeam greu \u0219i visam de fiecare dat\u0103 creaturi fantastice, imagini tulbur\u0103toare \u0219i scene de o consisten\u021b\u0103 aproape material\u0103 care m\u0103 urm\u0103reau mult timp dup\u0103 aceea. Azi adorm la fel de greu, \u00eens\u0103 nu visez, iar somnul \u00eemi este cataleptic, apropiat de moarte. \u00cen jurul meu lumea se leag\u0103n\u0103 \u00een continuare dup\u0103 un ritm propriu, \u00eens\u0103 eu m-am eliberat de leg\u0103turile corpului \u0219i m\u0103 trezesc \u00eentr-un tarziu \u00een zorii altei zile sau nop\u021bi, sim\u021bind o u\u0219oar\u0103 eliberare nenumit\u0103.
\nAm devenit mult mai atent la ceea ce se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 \u00een jurul meu, am \u00eenv\u0103\u021bat s\u0103 descifrez sensuri ascunse \u00een fiecare fraz\u0103, sunet sau mi\u0219care. Cu mult timp \u00een urm\u0103 sensurile mi se ofereau de la sine, iar lumea era magic\u0103 \u0219i inepuizabil\u0103. Azi trebuie s\u0103 le caut, iar c\u00e2nd le g\u0103sesc lumea \u00eenconjur\u0103toare nu \u00eemi devine mai familiar\u0103, din p\u0103cate.
\nE \u00eentuneric. Orbec\u0103i cu un lic\u0103r de bucurie printre fantomele din memoria mea, fericit fiindc\u0103 sunt singur, FUNDAMENTAL SINGUR. Credeam c\u0103 dac\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi moare muza r\u0103m\u00e2i orfan de sens (\u0219i de scris). C\u0103 nu mai exist\u0103 suficient\u0103 tensiune \u0219i nebunie care s\u0103 alimenteze un dialog improbabil. Dimpotriv\u0103. Sunt suficiente contradic\u021bii, dorin\u021be \u0219i fantasme \u00een interiorul meu \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103 aprind\u0103 lumi \u00eentregi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(jidovul r\u0103t\u0103citor) de Paul Belce \u00cen copil\u0103rie eram at\u00e2t de plin de mine. Sufeream de prea-plinul substan\u021bei, m\u0103 pasiona analiza fiec\u0103rui obiect. Ast\u0103zi suf\u0103r la fel de mult, cu aceea\u0219i intensitate, dar din alte cauze. De cele mai multe ori exterioare. Reflectam uneori asupra a ceea ce voi sim\u021bi \u00een anul 2012, 2016 sau 2020 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[55,1247,75],"tags":[1120,1248,1122,76],"class_list":["post-11524","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-articole","category-egophobia-48","category-jidovul-ratacitor","tag-articole","tag-egophobia-48","tag-jidovul-ratacitor","tag-paul-belce"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-2ZS","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11524","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11524"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11524\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11525,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11524\/revisions\/11525"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11524"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11524"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11524"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}