{"id":11865,"date":"2017-08-15T18:03:21","date_gmt":"2017-08-15T16:03:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=11865"},"modified":"2017-08-15T11:09:24","modified_gmt":"2017-08-15T09:09:24","slug":"pensees","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=11865","title":{"rendered":"Pens\u00e9es"},"content":{"rendered":"

debut<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

de Corneliu Negru<\/p>\n

\u00cen c\u0103utarea ritmului <\/strong><\/p>\n

Aruncat \u00een propria \u201erealitate\u201d s\u0103 \u00een\u021beleg \u0219i s\u0103 experimentez p\u00e2n\u0103 \u0219i cele mai abstracte idei \u0219i teoreme. M-am pierdut \u0219i r\u0103t\u0103cit… am ajuns s\u0103 fiu un nebun care simte c\u0103 a uitat s\u0103 tr\u0103iasc\u0103, un nebun care simte c\u0103 \u0219i-a pierdut ritmul vie\u021bii. Pentru el lumea nu mai este o simfonie. Lumea a ajuns s\u0103 fie un loc unde uimit de tot, \u00eenc\u0103tu\u0219at \u00een propria realitate s-a pierdut pe sine.<\/p>\n

Reflect\u00e2nd la cele \u00eent\u00e2mplate. Ad\u00e2ncit \u00een propriile reflexe, am uitat s\u0103 respir am uitat ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 s\u0103 nu mai fiu. Toate lucrurile din jur, toate au ajuns s\u0103 prind\u0103 via\u021b\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 aib\u0103 \u00eensemn\u0103tate pentru mine. Acest lucru nu este benefic pentru mine. Un om care c\u00e2ndva afirma c\u0103 \u201eNimic nu este bun pentru mine, at\u00e2ta timp c\u00e2t este la \u00eendem\u00e2na tuturor\u201d. Eu caut autenticitatea, caut s\u0103 am doar ce voi nu pute\u021bi ob\u021bine, caut \u00een locuri care n-au v\u0103zut ochi de om, sonate ce nu au fost auzite de nimeni. Ape care nu sunt tulburi, ce poate mai frumos dec\u00e2t o ap\u0103 \u00een care-\u021bi po\u021bi vedea defectele o ap\u0103 care-\u021bi poate ar\u0103ta adev\u0103ratul sine. P\u0103duri ce seam\u0103n\u0103 cu oamenii, copaci ce au crescut drep\u021bi, precum filosofii care mediteaz\u0103 la ideea de bine. Copaci str\u00e2mbi ap\u0103sa\u021bi de greut\u0103\u021bile naturii. Frunze ce \u0219i-au f\u0103cut \u00eendatorirea \u0219i au format un covor magic unde doar nimicul se poate a\u0219eza.<\/p>\n

Umbl\u00e2nd \u0219i c\u0103ut\u00e2nd locuri ce n-au v\u0103zut ochi de om. Am \u00een\u021beles c\u0103 tot ce trebuie s\u0103 fac, tot ce a trebuit s\u0103 fac \u00een acest moment a fost s\u0103 nu fac. A trebuit s\u0103 renun\u021b la a mai fi. A trebuit s\u0103 renun\u021b \u00een a mai da un sens lucrurilor efemere. C\u0103ut\u00e2nd \u0219i iar c\u0103ut\u00e2nd… d\u00e2nd piept cu sublimul. Am ajuns la concluzia c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103-mi creez propria simfonie. S\u0103-mi g\u0103sesc propriul ritm, acolo unde g\u00e2ndurile pot suna, striga \u0219i eu s\u0103 le aud.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ultimul sentiment <\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00cemi simt vocea inimii cum \u00eencearc\u0103 s\u0103-mi spun\u0103 ceva. \u00cencerc s\u0103 o ascult, dar nu pot. Nu pot nici at\u00e2t s\u0103 fac m\u0103car. Simt cum totul din jurul meu se destram\u0103 \u0219i dispare. Asta ajungem s\u0103 sim\u021bim \u00eenainte de sf\u00e2r\u0219it? Nu-i nimic, e bine totu\u0219i c\u0103 sim\u021bim ceva. Este foarte nefiresc s\u0103 \u00eencerci s\u0103 \u00een\u021belegi un ultim sentiment, \u0219tiind c\u0103 va fi ultimul. Dac\u0103 ar fi s\u0103 alegi un ultim sentiment pe care s\u0103- l sim\u021bi \u00eenainte s\u0103 mori, ce ai alege? Eu am ales nimicul. Pare cel mai sincer sentiment. Am s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eentind pu\u021bin ca s\u0103 savurez acest ultim sentiment, care este doar al meu. \u00cen aceste momente, dac\u0103 a\u0219 putea, a\u0219 dori, ca nici zeii s\u0103 nu m\u0103 deranjeze… Dar nici ei nu s-ar sinchisi s\u0103 deranjeze un om care \u00ee\u0219i ia la revedere de la el. Ce ar putea s\u0103 spun\u0103, sau s\u0103 cear\u0103 cineva unui singuratic. \u201eA\u0219 dori ca s\u0103-mi oferi ultimele tale clipe de singur\u0103tate\u201d. Dac\u0103 dori\u021bi ceva acum de la mine, eu cu ce mai r\u0103m\u00e2n?<\/p>\n

\u0218tiind c\u0103 aceast\u0103 zi va veni. Mi-am luat liber \u00een acea zi de la voi \u0219i am avut grij\u0103 s\u0103 g\u0103sesc un loc unde nici zeii nu ar c\u0103uta. Este un loc uitat de to\u021bi \u0219i nimeni nu caut\u0103, av\u00e2nd \u00een vedere faptul c\u0103 este ceva morbid. Este \u00een\u0103untrul t\u0103u. Da! Ce mirare, ce oribil \u0219i nefiresc. Cum am avut curajul s\u0103 fac a\u0219a ceva. Cum s\u0103 ceri ceva uitat de lume \u0219i de zei. Ast\u0103zi, lumea caut\u0103 \u00een alt\u0103 parte, caut\u0103 locuri u\u0219or accesibile. Vorbitam eu cu mine \u0219i ast\u0103zi, \u00een timp ce-mi ascut limba cu vorbe ce o s\u0103 le \u00eendrept direct spre mine, \u201ecum s\u0103 \u00eendrept ceva spre un nimic\u201d. \u00cencerc s\u0103 mi\u0219c acest nimic ce st\u0103 s\u0103 adoarm\u0103 u\u0219or, u\u0219or. Uit\u00e2nd c\u0103 ziua lui \u201eultim\u0103\u201d avea s\u0103 vin\u0103 \u00een cur\u00e2nd.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Timpul sosit <\/strong><\/p>\n

Acum mi-a sosit timpul, m\u0103 uit la voi, m\u0103 uit la mine, ce pot s\u0103 v\u0103 spun? C\u0103 pot s\u0103 disting r\u0103ul de bine? Nu! Nu am s\u0103 rostesc a\u0219a ceva cu toate c\u0103 vanitatea m\u0103 \u00eendeamn\u0103 s\u0103 fac a\u0219a ceva. Prefer s\u0103 tac, prefer un pact al t\u0103cerii unde toate cuvintele mor \u00een mine. Acolo unde buzele \u00eemi sunt pecetluite \u0219i nimic nu m\u0103 va face vinovat dac\u0103 am spus despre ce este r\u0103u sau bine. Uneori conteaz\u0103 \u0219i ce a\u0219terni pe h\u00e2rtie, ce poate ajunge \u00een fa\u021ba ochilor t\u0103i. Ce po\u021bi citi, ce \u00ee\u021bi poate transmite acele r\u00e2nduri scrise uneori poate \u00eentr-o noapte de insomnie unde sim\u021bi c\u0103 cerul te apas\u0103 \u0219i toate stelele te privesc \u0219i le este mil\u0103 de ce ai ajuns \u0219i de ceea ce e\u0219ti. M\u0103 dau b\u0103tut, simt c\u0103 nu mai pot, simt c\u0103 totul \u00een jurul meu se destram\u0103, c\u0103 toate ideile \u00eemi sunt distruse \u0219i toate speran\u021bele m\u0103 p\u0103r\u0103sesc p\u00e2n\u0103 \u0219i iluziile m\u0103 las\u0103. Am r\u0103mas acum nu singur, ci singurul.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

debut de Corneliu Negru \u00cen c\u0103utarea ritmului Aruncat \u00een propria \u201erealitate\u201d s\u0103 \u00een\u021beleg \u0219i s\u0103 experimentez p\u00e2n\u0103 \u0219i cele mai abstracte idei \u0219i teoreme. M-am pierdut \u0219i r\u0103t\u0103cit… am ajuns s\u0103 fiu un nebun care simte c\u0103 a uitat s\u0103 tr\u0103iasc\u0103, un nebun care simte c\u0103 \u0219i-a pierdut ritmul vie\u021bii. Pentru el lumea nu mai […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1286,27],"tags":[1291,1287,1117],"class_list":["post-11865","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-51","category-filosofie","tag-corneliu-negru","tag-egophobia-51","tag-filosofie"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s6DakB-pensees","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11865","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11865"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11865\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11866,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11865\/revisions\/11866"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11865"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11865"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11865"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}