{"id":11916,"date":"2017-08-30T21:00:40","date_gmt":"2017-08-30T19:00:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=11916"},"modified":"2021-09-04T12:07:54","modified_gmt":"2021-09-04T10:07:54","slug":"war-with-myself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=11916","title":{"rendered":"War With Myself"},"content":{"rendered":"

de \u0218tefan Bolea<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

insania s-a deghizat \u00een depresie<\/p>\n

m\u0103 hr\u0103ne\u0219te cu l\u0103custe \u0219i nisip<\/p>\n

m\u0103 mic\u0219oreaz\u0103 constant, astfel \u00eenc\u00e2t miile de c\u0103r\u021bi pe care le-am citit<\/p>\n

par a fi dieta unui analfabet candidat la premiul alzheimer<\/p>\n

\u201epapagal\u201d \u00eemi spune<\/p>\n

\u201eparodia lui echo\u201d<\/p>\n

studiile tale nu valoreaz\u0103 nici c\u00e2t un str\u0103nut al lui valery<\/p>\n

te crezi heidegger cioran?<\/p>\n

e\u0219ti mai prost ca odrasla lui iorga<\/p>\n

insania apare ca anxietate<\/p>\n

nisipul mi se opre\u0219te \u00een esofag<\/p>\n

\u0219i nu pot \u00eenghi\u021bi<\/p>\n

vreau s\u0103 beau ap\u0103, are gust de s\u00e2nge stricat<\/p>\n

insania \u00eemi spune c\u0103 pot locui oriunde<\/p>\n

renun\u021b\u0103 la ambi\u021bia metropolelor<\/p>\n

ce, te crezi baudelaire?<\/p>\n

oricum nu ie\u0219i din cas\u0103<\/p>\n

flanezi \u00eentre sinapsele tale, \u0219i nici at\u00e2t<\/p>\n

\u00eei ur\u0103\u0219ti pe oameni sau \u021bi-e fric\u0103 de ei?<\/p>\n

\u00eei ur\u0103\u0219ti pentru c\u0103 te ur\u0103\u0219ti<\/p>\n

\u021bi-e fric\u0103 \u0219i sco\u021bi din m\u00e2nec\u0103 dispre\u021bul<\/p>\n

vor r\u00e2de de tine, te vor ridiculiza<\/p>\n

\u0219i-n dharma ta e prev\u0103zut lin\u0219ajul<\/p>\n

omul ca demon, eul ca demon<\/p>\n

nu pot ie\u0219i din cas\u0103<\/p>\n

sunt crucificat pe fotoliu \u0219i voi fi expus de s\u0103rb\u0103tori \u00een vitrina m\u0103cel\u0103riei<\/p>\n

o fric\u0103 pe care o inhib \u0219i refulez<\/p>\n

dar care se \u00eentoarce sonor ca soarele negru<\/p>\n

\u0219i vegheaz\u0103 ca o santinel\u0103 lumea noastr\u0103 elegant\u0103 precum o \u00eenchisoare<\/p>\n

\u0219i-atunci \u021bi-a fost fric\u0103 \u0219i ai plecat privirea<\/p>\n

\u0219i-atunci c\u00e2nd ai vrut s-o s\u0103ru\u021bi<\/p>\n

ai preluat masca furiei<\/p>\n

\u0219i-ai \u00eenceput dezgust\u0103tor, penibil<\/p>\n

\u0219i revelator pentru to\u021bi c\u0103 agresivitatea ta era a unui lup cu inim\u0103 de puppy<\/p>\n

insania apare ca paranoia<\/p>\n

c\u00e2nd insignifian\u021ba \u00ee\u021bi c\u00e2nt\u0103 o sonat\u0103 la patru m\u00e2ini<\/p>\n

(bani zero<\/p>\n

ambi\u021bie zero<\/p>\n

realizare zero<\/p>\n

senza\u021bie zero)<\/p>\n

cre\u0219ti \u00een planul imaginar p\u00e2n\u0103 la nivelul cavalerilor apocalipsei<\/p>\n

cioran nietzsche schopenhauer<\/p>\n

mersi c\u0103 mi-a\u021bi p\u0103strat locul cald<\/p>\n

\u0219i dac\u0103 nu te pasioneaz\u0103 avatarul final din istoria nihilismului<\/p>\n

mai avem un joc pentru tine<\/p>\n

bine ai venit \u00een familia select\u0103 a lui Dumnezeu!<\/p>\n

cine e\u0219ti tu? isus sau satan?<\/p>\n

am\u00e2ndoi!<\/p>\n

vreau s\u0103 fiu cel mai bun \u0219i cel mai r\u0103u \u00een acela\u0219i timp<\/p>\n

oricum \u00eemi place s\u0103 sfidez legile logicii<\/p>\n

mai mult, vreau s\u0103 fiu un satan inimos \u0219i un isus bully care le d\u0103 cu crucea \u00een cap infidelilor<\/p>\n

te treze\u0219ti din harababura asta \u0219i te sim\u021bi mai obosit, mai infim, mai derealizat<\/p>\n

atunci avem solu\u021bia perfect\u0103: aducem depresia pentru tine<\/p>\n

\u0219i atunci vezi c\u0103 nici janitor la basel nu te-ar l\u0103sa nietzsche s\u0103 fii<\/p>\n

\u0219i apoi insania vine ca disociere<\/p>\n

ce, scriitor? mai degrab\u0103 r\u00e2nda\u0219<\/p>\n

filosof? peon<\/p>\n

poet? cizmar (asocia\u021bie instantanee ca topor \u2013 raskolnikov sau lautr\u00e9amont coase la ma\u0219in\u0103 cu umbrela)<\/p>\n

\u00eentr-adev\u0103r nu sunt eu<\/p>\n

pentru c\u0103 aceast\u0103 echivalen\u021b\u0103 presupune un termen iluzoriu<\/p>\n

nu sunt eu pentru c\u0103 nu exist<\/p>\n

dar dac\u0103 durerea \u0219i chinul for\u021beaz\u0103 producerea unui anumit sentiment al identit\u0103\u021bii<\/p>\n

(al existen\u021bei chiar)<\/p>\n

mai consistent dec\u00e2t g\u00e2ndul care declan\u0219a ontic subiectul lui descartes<\/p>\n

ce sunt eu f\u0103r\u0103 insania mea<\/p>\n

\u0219i ciclul poate s-o ia de la cap\u0103t<\/p>\n

depresie: e\u0219ti zero<\/p>\n

anxietate: tremuri, colos de doi bani<\/p>\n

paranoia: da, sunt un personaj istoric<\/p>\n

disociere: sunt la modul inexisten\u021bei, sunt particule de eu f\u0103r\u0103 nici o leg\u0103tur\u0103 cu posibilitatea existen\u021bei mele<\/p>\n

a\u0219a c\u0103 folose\u0219te-te de vechiul t\u0103u feti\u0219, moartea<\/p>\n

depresie: mortul viu<\/p>\n

anxietate: sunt ca mort<\/p>\n

paranoia: ca s\u0103 fii Dumnezeu trebuie s\u0103 mori<\/p>\n

a\u0219a \u00ee\u0219i \u00eencep zeii cariera<\/p>\n

disociere: moartea e pr\u0103pastia dintre eu1 \u0219i eu2<\/p>\n

oric\u00e2t ar plagia nebunia \u0219i suferin\u021ba moartea<\/p>\n

oric\u00e2t ar plagia-o Dumnezeu<\/p>\n

trebuie s\u0103 recunoa\u0219tem c\u0103 e sexy ca o idee platonic\u0103<\/p>\n

o terapie care aplaneaz\u0103 orice conflict<\/p>\n

criza se vesteje\u0219te c\u00e2nd simte degetele mor\u021bii pe t\u00e2mple<\/p>\n

hegemonii se \u00eenclin\u0103 gra\u021bios c\u00e2nd intr\u0103 maestrul \u00een \u00eenc\u0103pere<\/p>\n

or, dac\u0103 nu mai po\u021bi<\/p>\n

dac\u0103 te sim\u021bi diminutivat, dac\u0103 te g\u00e2tuie frica \u0219i te-ai s\u0103turat de meciul cu efecte speciale al paranoiei<\/p>\n

de comedia dez-identific\u0103rii<\/p>\n

e\u0219ti clientul perfect pentru cursul de mortificare<\/p>\n

ia doze mici \u0219i apoi \u00een crescendo p\u00e2n\u0103 la supra-doz\u0103<\/p>\n

cine vrea s\u0103 \u00eenving\u0103 nihilismul trebuie s\u0103 c\u00e2\u0219tige \u00een prealabil \u00een fa\u021ba mor\u021bii<\/p>\n

\u0219i p\u00e2n\u0103 acum scorul e zero la c\u00e2teva sute de miliarde<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

de \u0218tefan Bolea \u00a0 insania s-a deghizat \u00een depresie m\u0103 hr\u0103ne\u0219te cu l\u0103custe \u0219i nisip m\u0103 mic\u0219oreaz\u0103 constant, astfel \u00eenc\u00e2t miile de c\u0103r\u021bi pe care le-am citit par a fi dieta unui analfabet candidat la premiul alzheimer<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[124,1286],"tags":[1128,1287,39],"class_list":["post-11916","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-editorial","category-egophobia-51","tag-editorial","tag-egophobia-51","tag-stefan-bolea"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-36c","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11916","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11916"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11916\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13774,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11916\/revisions\/13774"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11916"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11916"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11916"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}