de Corneliu Negru<\/p>\n
S\u0103 tr\u0103iesc \u00eentr-un spa\u021biu \u00een care cunosc totul \u0219i nimeni \u0219i nici eu s\u0103 nu m\u0103 cunoasc\u0103 pe mine!<\/p>\n
S\u0103 port lumea \u00een mine \u0219i lumea s\u0103 nu \u0219tie c\u0103 eu sunt purt\u0103torul!<\/p>\n
S\u0103 fie \u00een mine, Purt\u0103torul, tuturor melancoliilor \u0219i triste\u021bilor.<\/p>\n
S\u0103 le cunosc pe toate, dar s\u0103 nu \u0219tiu cine sunt eu!<\/p>\n
Triste\u021be…<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Erau zile, c\u00e2nd m\u0103 uitam la voi \u0219i t\u00e2njeam \u00een a m\u0103 privi pe mine. Acest doliu \u0219i acest paradox al singur\u0103t\u0103\u021bii, m\u0103 face s\u0103 m\u0103 simt mai apropiat de nimic dec\u00e2t de voi. Pentru voi este mult mai u\u0219or, voi pute\u021bi sta de vorb\u0103 cu voi. Acest doliu pe care-l duc, nu-mi d\u0103 voie s\u0103 \u0219tiu cine sunt. \u00cemi pare c\u0103 sunt doar spectator al propriei mele vie\u021bi.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Dac\u0103 a\u0219 putea pentru o secund\u0103 s\u0103 v\u0103 strig, s\u0103 v\u0103 spun cine sunte\u021bi, ar \u00eensemna s\u0103 m\u0103 cunoa\u0219te\u021bi. S\u0103 \u0219ti\u021bi de existen\u021ba mea, dar eu tr\u0103iesc printre voi, sunt p\u0103rta\u0219ul vie\u021bilor voastre.<\/p>\n
Sunt complice, sunt doar un paradox al propriei existen\u021be.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Eu nu pot fi autentic, nu pot fi eu, nu pot s\u0103 spun cine sunt. Pot spune doar cine sunte\u021bi. Pot afirma doar cine sunte\u021bi voi. Sunt deopotriv\u0103 totul pentru mine \u0219i totodat\u0103 nimeni pentru voi.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sunt o idee, o n\u0103scocire a proprielor mele g\u00e2nduri, o obsesie dus\u0103 la extrem.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A\u0219 putea fi altceva dec\u00e2t ceea ce sunt? A\u0219 putea voi altceva dec\u00e2t ce g\u00e2ndesc?<\/p>\n
A\u0219 putea voi altceva dec\u00e2t manifest? A\u0219 putea l\u0103sa totul \u0219i s\u0103 r\u0103m\u00e2n cu nimic?<\/p>\n
S\u0103 m\u0103 pot pierde \u00een neant!<\/p>\n
Mi-a\u0219 putea permite aceste dorin\u021be?<\/p>\n
Universule, dar \u00een ce direc\u021bie? Dac\u0103 prezentul nu-mi ofer\u0103 o cunoa\u0219tere asupra sinelui.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Am o singur\u0103 certitudine! \u0218i aceea c\u0103 timpul trece inexorabil prin mine, l\u0103s\u00e2nd f\u00e2\u0219ii ad\u00e2nci, de unde dezgrop idei despre lume.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cunosc\u00e2nd faptul c\u0103 toate lucrurile se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 cu necesitate, m\u0103 g\u0103sesc \u00eendrept\u0103\u021bit s\u0103 afirm c\u0103: absurdul pare cel mai viu sentiment \u0219i totodat\u0103 cel mai plauzibil.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sunt cunosc\u0103torul vostru, dar necunosc\u0103torul meu. V\u0103 privesc de undeva dintr-o mansard\u0103, undeva unde lumina soarelui nu bate, undeva at\u00e2t de sus \u00eenc\u00e2t nici o pas\u0103re nu poate ajunge.<\/p>\n
Caut un meleag ce nu a cunoscut uitarea!<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 M\u0103 simt prins \u00eentre afirma\u021bie \u2013 nega\u021bie, \u00eentre adev\u0103r \u2013 fals. O parte simte nega\u021bia, cealalt\u0103 contempl\u0103 afirma\u021bia. Una respinge falsul, dar accept\u0103 adev\u0103rul. A\u0219 avea nevoie s\u0103 \u0219tiu, doar a\u0219a \u00eemi pot da un sens. M\u0103 macin\u0103 un g\u00e2nd: Sensul meu este acela de a nu avea sens!<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 G\u0103sesc c\u0103 sunt condamnat \u00een a nu avea un sens \u0219i totu\u0219i, simt paradoxul vie\u021bii mele.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 M\u0103 simt mult mai \u00eendrept\u0103\u021bit s\u0103 simt c\u0103 sunt o banalitate ce t\u00e2nje\u0219te spre a cunoa\u0219te sentimentul nostalgiei. \u00cen nostalgie, te g\u0103se\u0219ti atunci c\u00e2nd pierzi ceva din tine, ceva care c\u00e2ndva te definea.<\/p>\n
\u0218i sim\u021bi c\u0103 toate sentimentele erup \u00een tine, dar niciodat\u0103 nu le duci dorul.<\/p>\n
O retr\u0103ire infinit\u0103 a totului ce niciodat\u0103 nu-\u021bi ofer\u0103 r\u0103gazul s\u0103 le duci dorul.<\/p>\n
Sunt condamnatul infinitului!<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 S\u0103-\u021bi imaginezi c\u0103 ver\u0219i o lacrim\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 nu \u0219tii de ce \u0219i pentru cine. S\u0103-\u021bi imaginezi doar actul, s\u0103 observi voin\u021ba actului de-a pl\u00e2nge, dar niciodat\u0103 finalitatea actului.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00cemi r\u0103sun\u0103 printre r\u00e2nduri unele \u00eentreb\u0103ri, \u00eentreb\u0103ri ce pot avea un sens, \u00eentreb\u0103ri ce sun\u0103: Dar p\u00e2n\u0103 unde? Dar p\u00e2n\u0103 unde \u0219i p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd? P\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd acest continuu?<\/p>\n
\u00a0Astfel de \u00eentreb\u0103ri se nasc dintr-un neajuns. Acest continuu, acest infinit, acest Purt\u0103tor al totului ce nu poate fi definit, cunoscut de nimeni \u0219i nici chiar de el. Cu toate acestea, \u00een el se na\u0219te \u0219i devine totul, dar niciodat\u0103 nu este \u0219i nu va fi.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
de Corneliu Negru S\u0103 tr\u0103iesc \u00eentr-un spa\u021biu \u00een care cunosc totul \u0219i nimeni \u0219i nici eu s\u0103 nu m\u0103 cunoasc\u0103 pe mine! S\u0103 port lumea \u00een mine \u0219i lumea s\u0103 nu \u0219tie c\u0103 eu sunt purt\u0103torul! S\u0103 fie \u00een mine, Purt\u0103torul, tuturor melancoliilor \u0219i triste\u021bilor. S\u0103 le cunosc pe toate, dar s\u0103 nu \u0219tiu cine […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1307,27],"tags":[1291,1308,1117],"class_list":["post-12103","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-53","category-filosofie","tag-corneliu-negru","tag-egophobia-53","tag-filosofie"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s6DakB-purtator","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12103","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12103"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12103\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12121,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12103\/revisions\/12121"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12103"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12103"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12103"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}