{"id":13015,"date":"2020-06-13T20:23:22","date_gmt":"2020-06-13T18:23:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=13015"},"modified":"2020-06-14T23:51:18","modified_gmt":"2020-06-14T21:51:18","slug":"numai-tu-nicicum","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=13015","title":{"rendered":"Numai tu nicicum"},"content":{"rendered":"

(debut)<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

de Irina Balcu<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Unde m-a adus? Pentru asta am dat eu treizeci de lei, pentru patru pere\u021bi cenu\u0219ii, o ma\u0219in\u0103 de fum \u0219i o curte \u00een care ai putea aprinde un foc de tab\u0103r\u0103? \u0218i oamenii \u0103\u0219tia, uit\u0103-te la ei cum se holbeaz\u0103 la mine: sunt con\u0219tien\u021bi c\u0103 sunt o intrus\u0103, c\u0103 miros a lapte. To\u021bi, \u00een afar\u0103 de unul. Mi-a str\u00e2ns m\u00e2na cu c\u0103ldur\u0103, iar \u00een ochii lui am v\u0103zut ceva cunoscut. Sau nu \u0219tiu, poate c\u0103 intui\u021bia mea d\u0103 gre\u0219 de data asta. \u0218i totu\u0219i, vreau s\u0103 \u0219tiu dac\u0103 e singur. Este! (Aflu nu de la el, ci de la prietena mea; el nu are dreptul s\u0103 \u0219tie c\u0103 are vreun efect asupra mea p\u00e2n\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 asigur c\u0103, dintre noi doi, persoana vulnerabil\u0103 nu sunt eu.)<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 M\u0103 \u00eencearc\u0103 furnic\u0103turi \u00een buricele degetelor, \u00een vene, \u00een oase. Dac\u0103 decid s\u0103 pierd controlul, atunci \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 am control asupra deciziilor mele, nu?<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ***<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Dar decizia de a lua mai mult dec\u00e2t a\u0219 fi putut duce nu a fost controlat\u0103. G\u00e2ndurile mele sunt rapide, uneori prea rapide pentru ca eu s\u0103 le pot ajunge din urm\u0103. P\u00e2n\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 dezmeticesc, electricitatea micilor mele celule cenu\u0219ii m-a f\u0103cut s\u0103 m\u0103 aplec \u00een fa\u021b\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103-i \u00eenha\u021b jum\u0103tatea de pastil\u0103 dintre degete.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 – Nu e cam mult\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eentreb\u0103, \u00eencerc\u00e2nd s\u0103 \u00ee\u0219i \u021bin\u0103 \u00eengrijorarea \u00een spatele z\u00e2mbetului, \u00een spatele ochilor.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 – Nu, r\u0103spunsei eu.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 \u0218i atunci\u00a0 am sim\u021bit cum \u00een\u0103untrul meu a r\u0103sunat un ecou: da.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ***<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Intui\u021bia nu m-a \u00een\u0219elat, m-am g\u00e2ndit, \u00een vreme ce el \u00eemi punea m\u00e2inile pe talie. Cu convingere, b\u0103iete!<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Doar n-ai vrea s\u0103 m\u0103 la\u0219i s\u0103 cad.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ***<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Dar am c\u0103zut, am c\u0103zut \u00een\u0103untrul meu.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 – Danseaz\u0103, trebuie s\u0103 te mi\u0219ti! strig\u0103 prietena mea. Scap\u0103 de toat\u0103 energia \u00een exces!<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Energie \u00een exces? Nu m\u0103 puteam g\u00e2ndi dec\u00e2t la acea ultim\u0103 sfor\u021bare, la flac\u0103ra care str\u0103luce\u0219te mai puternic \u00eenainte s\u0103 se sting\u0103. Sunt unul dintre pu\u021binii oameni care \u0219tiu cum e s\u0103 mori, iar atunci eram sigur\u0103 c\u0103 mor pentru a doua oar\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ***<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Am reu\u0219it s\u0103 ies din mine \u00eens\u0103mi. Pic\u0103turile de s\u00e2nge din toalet\u0103 erau suficient\u0103 dovad\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 – Nu te \u00eengrijora, poate e ceva ce ai m\u00e2ncat \u00eenainte, reveni vocea prietenei mele, dar f\u0103r\u0103 trup. Pluteam mult prea sus pentru a o mai vedea.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ***<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 M-am \u00eentors la domnul meu, care m\u0103 \u00eentreba din minut \u00een minut \u201eE\u0219ti bine?\u201d. Nu \u00eemi d\u0103deam seama dac\u0103 era at\u00e2t de \u00eengrijorat \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103 \u00eemi monitorizeze starea \u00een continuu sau dac\u0103 uita de fiecare dat\u0103 ceea ce-i r\u0103spundeam.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Da.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Da.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201eZaiafet acum, l\u0103utari duium.\u201d Cele patru cuvinte \u00eemi p\u0103trunser\u0103 dintr-odat\u0103 \u00een minte. Da, era un zaiafet, f\u0103r\u0103 \u00eendoial\u0103, dar unul \u00een care luminile curgeau roz-violet peste noi \u0219i l\u0103utarii c\u00e2ntau dou\u0103 note electrizate de-a lungul a zeci de minute. Sau milisecunde? Sau ore?<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u0218i oric\u00e2t mi-a\u0219 fi b\u0103tut capul, nu-mi g\u0103seam \u00een minte versul urm\u0103tor.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Zaiafet acum, l\u0103utari duium…<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Dar el \u00eemi g\u0103sea \u00eentotdeauna buzele, iar m\u00e2inile \u00eemi c\u0103utau \u00eentregul trup. Mi-am \u00eenfipt degetele \u00een g\u00e2tul lui f\u0103r\u0103 nici cea mai mic\u0103 team\u0103 \u2013 \u0219tiam c\u0103 nici durerea, nici moartea nu pl\u0103tiser\u0103 intrarea.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ***<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00censpre diminea\u021b\u0103, dup\u0103 trei sute de ani, am mers spre baie. M\u0103 a\u0219teptam ca \u00een oglinda p\u0103tat\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eemi v\u0103d chipul lipit de al lui: \u201eeu\u201d \u0219i \u201eel\u201d deveniser\u0103 termeni lipsi\u021bi de semnifica\u021bie \u00een lumina vibrant\u0103 ce ne topea. \u00cens\u0103 am v\u0103zut doar un chip palid, cu doi iri\u0219i din care culoarea p\u0103rea s\u0103 se reverse \u00een sclerotic\u0103. Doar m\u00e2lul \u00een care s-a cufundat Ofelia (voit sau nu).<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u0218i atunci mi-am amintit \u0219i versul urm\u0103tor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(debut) de Irina Balcu \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Unde m-a adus? Pentru asta am dat eu treizeci de lei, pentru patru pere\u021bi cenu\u0219ii, o ma\u0219in\u0103 de fum \u0219i o curte \u00een care ai putea aprinde un foc de tab\u0103r\u0103? \u0218i oamenii \u0103\u0219tia, uit\u0103-te la ei cum se holbeaz\u0103 la mine: sunt con\u0219tien\u021bi c\u0103 sunt o intrus\u0103, c\u0103 miros […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1420,15],"tags":[1310,1421,1431,1115],"class_list":["post-13015","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-63","category-proza","tag-debut","tag-egophobia-63","tag-irina-balcu","tag-proza"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-3nV","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13015","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13015"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13015\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13038,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13015\/revisions\/13038"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13015"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13015"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13015"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}