{"id":13017,"date":"2020-06-12T06:23:33","date_gmt":"2020-06-12T04:23:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=13017"},"modified":"2020-06-14T22:00:07","modified_gmt":"2020-06-14T20:00:07","slug":"oameni-bine-inghititi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=13017","title":{"rendered":"Oameni bine \u00eenghi\u021bi\u021bi"},"content":{"rendered":"

[fragment de roman]<\/strong><\/p>\n

de Ioan Suciu<\/p>\n

Primul om pe care l-am \u00eenghi\u021bit a fost un b\u0103rbat \u00eenalt \u0219i slab, cu burt\u0103 proeminent\u0103 \u0219i caraghioas\u0103 crescut\u0103 pe silueta lui destul de sub\u021biric\u0103, cu voce de bas \u0219i urechi cl\u0103p\u0103uge. \u00cel vedeam deseori prin mijloacele de transport, \u00een ma\u0219ina 313, \u00een metrou, \u00een parc.Dup\u0103 ce l-am \u00eengurgitat, nu l-am mai v\u0103zut. Normal. \u00cen schimb, eu care eram mic de \u00een\u0103l\u021bime, am devenit \u00eenalt \u0219i cu burt\u0103. Mi s-au lungit urechile. Dar, \u00een general, cel \u00eenghi\u021bit nu mi-a f\u0103cut mari probleme. \u00centr-o diminea\u021b\u0103 am auzit o voce url\u00e2nd:<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Vreau la frizer!<\/p>\n

M-am \u00eendreptat spre frizeria de cartier, fost\u0103 \u201eIgiena\u201d. Doi b\u0103rba\u021bi \u0219i o femeie, \u00een halate albe, s-au repezit spre mine, de parc\u0103 ajunsesem la spitalul de urgen\u021b\u0103. Eram singurul client \u00eentr-o sal\u0103 aproape goal\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Cum vre\u021bi s\u0103 v\u0103 tund? m-a \u00eentrebat frizerul care-i \u00eempinsese pe ceilal\u021bi ca s\u0103-\u0219i c\u00e2\u0219tige p\u00e2inea.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Mai scurt, am zis.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Mai lung, s-a auzit din gura mea o voce mai g\u00e2j\u00e2it\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Cum adic\u0103 \u201emai lung\u201d? \u00eentreb\u0103 frizerul.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Eu am spus mai scurt!<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -\u0218i tot dumneavoastr\u0103 a\u021bi spus \u201emai lung\u201d!<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Hai odat\u0103, f\u0103-\u021bi treaba! se auzi iar de la mine.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Bine, dar nu trebuie s\u0103 fi\u021bi a\u0219a brutal! Frizerul \u00ee\u0219i agita foarfeca pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 urechea mea. E adev\u0103rat c\u0103 aceasta \u00eemi crescuse neobi\u0219nuit de mare, ca o ciuperc\u0103 de p\u0103dure, dar nu mi-ar fi pl\u0103cut o ajustare din foarfec\u0103. Omul \u00eencepu s\u0103-mi taie p\u0103rul lucr\u00e2nd \u00een t\u0103cere; avea o figur\u0103 foarte \u00eencruntat\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Ce faci, omule? Nu \u021bie ru\u0219ine! am spus eu cu o voce str\u0103in\u0103 de a mea. Apoi m-am ridicat a\u0219a cum eram, \u00eenv\u0103luit \u00een pelerina aceea alb\u0103, \u0219i i-am smuls foarfeca din m\u00e2ini; i-am f\u0103cut \u00een cap un fel de cruce, t\u0103indu-i nemilos din p\u0103rul din cre\u0219tet. Frizerul s-a sup\u0103rat \u0219i-a zis c\u0103 m\u0103 d\u0103 afar\u0103. \u0218i chiar m-a dat, ajutat de colegii lui.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Uite ce pe\u0219te frumos! am zis eu, dar parc\u0103 nu eram eu. M\u0103 apropiasem de magazinul de pe\u0219te din apropiere, unde prin vitrin\u0103 se vedea lada frigorific\u0103 \u00een care z\u0103cea o \u0219tiuc\u0103 uria\u0219\u0103, lung\u0103 \u0219i gras\u0103 (al\u0103turi de al\u021bi pe\u0219ti, crapi, cara\u0219i, ro\u0219ioare). M-am \u00eempiedicat de pragul prea \u00eenalt \u0219i m-am proiectat drept \u00een lada frigorific\u0103, sprijinindu-m\u0103 de pe\u0219tele uria\u0219; din gura lui a ie\u0219it un pe\u0219te \u00eentreg, cu cap \u0219i coad\u0103, foarte frumos \u0219i gras; totodat\u0103 s-a auzit un fel de cl\u0103mp\u0103nit provocat de aerul care se eliberase din stomacul jivinei mai mari.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Pe \u0103sta \u00eel vreau! i-am spus v\u00e2nz\u0103torului care privea ca la un meci de biliard.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -\u0102la e gratis, dac\u0103-l iei \u0219i pe cel mare!<\/p>\n

Am plecat pu\u021bin dezam\u0103git; mi-ar fi pl\u0103cut ni\u0219te pe\u0219te pr\u0103jit.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -\u0218i mie! m-am auzit vorbind.<\/p>\n

Nu mai v\u0103zusem o asemenea femeie. Era poli\u021bist\u0103, dar ziceai c\u0103-i juc\u0103toare de rugby. Aranja oamenii pe trotuar s\u0103 mearg\u0103 \u00een coloan\u0103. Ma\u0219inile de pe strad\u0103 trebuiau s\u0103 aib\u0103 aceea\u0219i vitez\u0103. A \u00eempiedicat ditamai accidentul, s\u0103rind \u00een fa\u021ba unui tir \u0219i oblig\u00e2ndu-l s\u0103 vireze \u00een timp ce se-ndrepta glon\u021b spre un c\u00e2rd de copii. Am vrut s\u0103-i spun s\u0103 nu mai bruscheze trec\u0103torii. M-a \u00eempins \u00eentr-un zid chiar c\u00e2nd spre noi venea un bolid cu o sut\u0103 pe or\u0103. Atunci am \u00eenghi\u021bit-o. Avusese o uniform\u0103 frumoas\u0103, cu nasturi str\u0103lucitori \u0219i o caschet\u0103 ca o b\u0103rcu\u021b\u0103 albastr\u0103. Fusese gras\u0103 \u0219i rotund\u0103; adic\u0103 avusese o dimensiune \u00een l\u0103\u021bime aproape egal\u0103 cu \u00een\u0103l\u021bimea; cred c\u0103 f\u0103cuse ceva sport, poate handbal, dar p\u0103rea mai degrab\u0103 o lupt\u0103toare de sumo.Trec\u00e2nd prin pia\u021b\u0103, mi s-a f\u0103cut poft\u0103 de struguri. Am m\u00e2ncat un ciorchine de la o tarab\u0103 \u0219i a trebuit s\u0103-l pl\u0103tesc. Apoi am gustat o prun\u0103, o piersic\u0103, o l\u0103m\u00e2ie \u0219i-o gutuie. Deodat\u0103 m-am oprit \u00eempietrit; dac\u0103 femeia era gravid\u0103? \u00centr-un loc se d\u0103deau castane calde. Nu-mi plac castanele. Dar m-am trezit alerg\u00e2nd \u00eentr-acolo \u0219i lu\u00e2nd o por\u021bie peste r\u00e2nd.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -V\u00e2r\u0103-le mai repede \u00een gur\u0103! m-am auzit spun\u00e2nd. Eu vorbeam, eu executam. Cineva m-a apostrofat:<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Ce te bagi \u00een fa\u021b\u0103, umflatule? Era un tip rotofei ca p\u0103pu\u0219a Michelin. Principiul meu era s\u0103 m\u0103 ab\u021bin pentru a nu intra \u00een conflict cu cine \u0219tie ce scandalagiu.<\/p>\n

-Tu vorbe\u0219ti, m\u0103i anvelop\u0103? am zis, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 vreau. Michelinul a vrut s\u0103-mi dea un pumn, dar m-am ferit \u0219i el a c\u0103zut cu capul \u00eentr-o tarab\u0103. Am luat-o la picior s\u0103 scap de acolo dar c\u00e2nd s\u0103 ies din pia\u021b\u0103, \u00een fa\u021ba mea, au ap\u0103rut dou\u0103 femei \u0219i-un b\u0103rbat, cu figuri cr\u00e2ncene.<\/p>\n

-Ce-ai avut cu poli\u021bista aceea? a \u00eentrebat una din persoanele feminine care-mi blocau trecerea.<\/p>\n

-Unde-ai ascuns-o? \u00eentreb\u0103 b\u0103rbatul.<\/p>\n

-V\u0103 \u00een\u0219ela\u021bi, am zis, calm.<\/p>\n

-Am v\u0103zut cu ochii mei, spuse individa care vorbise prima.<\/p>\n

-\u0218i eu, ad\u0103ug\u0103 cea de a doua.<\/p>\n

-\u0218i eu, spuse \u0219i b\u0103rbatul.<\/p>\n

-Femeia aceea sunt eu! am zis f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103-mi dau seama. Una dintre membrele acelui grup veni s\u0103 m\u0103 pip\u0103ie.<\/p>\n

-Vrei s\u0103 spui c\u0103 e\u0219ti femeie?<\/p>\n

-Nu, am r\u0103spuns.<\/p>\n

-Du-te dracului! Scoate-o! \u00eemi spuse doamna.<\/p>\n

-Ce s\u0103 scot?<\/p>\n

-Unde-ai dosit tipa!<\/p>\n

Am luat-o la pas f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 mai continui discu\u021bia \u0219i am s\u0103rit \u00eentr-un autobuz. Mergea spre centru. \u0218oferul avea o \u00eenf\u0103\u021bi\u0219are de mexican, av\u00e2nd un ten ar\u0103miu, spr\u00e2ncene stufoase \u0219i o musta\u021b\u0103 groas\u0103, consistent\u0103. M-am postat \u00een fa\u021b\u0103, l\u00e2ng\u0103 el. La un moment dat, a oprit autobuzul \u00eentre sta\u021bii \u0219i \u0219i-a p\u0103r\u0103sit locul de \u0219ofer; s-a dus p\u00e2n\u0103 la un c\u0103l\u0103tor care st\u0103tea pe un scaun cu picioarele r\u0103\u0219chirate pe culoarul de trecere, l-a apucat de gambe \u0219i l-a r\u0103sucit astfel \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103-i \u00eencap\u0103 membrele inferioare \u00een spa\u021biul dintre scaune. Lumea a murmurat, nemul\u021bumit\u0103. Omul \u0219i-a reluat locul la volan; apoi a \u00eentors capul \u0219i a privit mult timp spre fundul autobuzului, \u00een loc s\u0103 se uite pe unde merge. A trecut pe ro\u0219u \u0219i nici nu \u0219i-a dat seama, provoc\u00e2nd un vaiet comun \u00een ma\u0219in\u0103. I-am atras aten\u021bia s\u0103 nu mai priveasc\u0103 \u00een spate.<\/p>\n

-Dar nu m\u0103 uitam la tine, ur\u00e2tule! mi-a zis el.<\/p>\n

Atunci m-am enervat \u0219i l-am \u00eenghitit. Imediat mi-a p\u0103rut r\u0103u, fiindc\u0103 nu mai avea cine s\u0103 conduc\u0103 autobuzul. Confuzi la \u00eenceput, pentru nu-\u0219i explicau cum disp\u0103ruse \u201emexicanul\u201d a\u0219a brusc, c\u0103l\u0103torii s-au mai calmat pu\u021bin, dar deveniser\u0103 t\u0103cu\u021bi deoarece to\u021bi \u00ee\u0219i \u021bineau respira\u021bia ca la montaigne russe. Autobuzul mergea \u00een vitez\u0103, \u0219oferul \u00ee\u0219i plasase un bocanc peste pedala de accelera\u021bie \u0219i un oarecare noroc aveam c\u0103 bulevardul era drept ca o pist\u0103 de aeroport. Un b\u0103rbat tuns scurt, cu cravat\u0103, ceru lini\u0219te \u0219i \u00eentreb\u0103 dac\u0103 are cineva carnet de conducere.<\/p>\n

-Eu! spuse un b\u0103tr\u00e2nel, dar numai pentru scutere!<\/p>\n

-Pentru scutere nu trebuie carnet! zise o blond\u0103 ur\u00e2t\u0103. Intersec\u021bia era barat\u0103 de un tir interminabil. M-am a\u0219ezat la volan \u0219i-am ap\u0103sat pe fr\u00e2n\u0103. Autobuzul s-a oprit exact c\u00e2nd h\u0103r\u0103baia s-a mi\u0219cat din loc \u0219i-a eliberat drumul.<\/p>\n

-S\u0103 opre\u0219ti \u00een sta\u021bie! Nu aici! a urlat o b\u0103tr\u00e2n\u0103 aflat\u0103 pe un loc \u00een fa\u021b\u0103. Am pornit ma\u0219ina \u0219i m-am uitat atent dup\u0103 pl\u0103cu\u021ba cu sta\u021bia, pentru c\u0103 nu aveam idee pe unde putea fi. Eram oarecum u\u0219urat fiindc\u0103 m\u0103 descurcam cu \u0219ofatul, eu neav\u00e2nd carnet sau vreo or\u0103 m\u0103car de instruire. Mai mult dec\u00e2t at\u00e2t, aveam \u0219i musta\u021b\u0103. Am cobor\u00e2t \u00eentr-un vacarm de proteste. Am luat-o la pas, auzind cum \u00een urma mea se propaga un val de strig\u0103te furioase. Mi-am dat seama c\u0103 m\u0103 aflam \u00een apropierea stadionului \u201eOlimpia\u201d. Pe loc m-am hot\u0103r\u00e2t s\u0103-mi acord c\u00e2teva momente de destindere \u0219i pl\u0103cere, mai ales c\u0103 juca \u0219i una din echipele mele preferate. A\u0219a c\u0103 m-am strecurat pe stadion, \u0219i ocup\u00e2nd un loc aproape de gazon, m-am l\u0103sat \u00een voia vizion\u0103rii jocului, adic\u0103 \u00eentr-unul din cele mai pl\u0103cute moduri de a-\u021bi petrece timpul \u0219i via\u021ba. Dar echipa cu care \u021bineam, \u00een ro\u0219u, se afla \u00een dificultate; unul dintre atacan\u021bii forma\u021biei adverse, \u00een echipament galben, era \u00eentr-o dispozi\u021bie excelent\u0103 \u0219i d\u0103duse dou\u0103 goluri, unul dup\u0103 altul. \u0218i nu se g\u0103sea nimeni de la noi s\u0103-l cotonogeasc\u0103. Exasperant! Dup\u0103 o bar\u0103 formidabil\u0103 nimerit\u0103 de respectivul fotbalist, nu m-am putut ab\u021bine \u0219i-am intrat pe teren. Am fugit glon\u021b spre fotbalistul n\u0103r\u0103va\u0219; am atras \u00een urma mea o armat\u0103 de arbitrii \u0219i oameni de ordine. Ajuns \u00een fa\u021ba juc\u0103torului l-am \u00eentrebat dac\u0103 n-are de g\u00e2nd s\u0103 se potoleasc\u0103; mi-a f\u0103cut un semn cum c\u0103 a\u0219 fi nebun. Atunci… exact! l-am \u00eenghi\u021bit cu fulgi cu tot, cum se spune. Apoi am fugit de pe teren. Ajuns afar\u0103 de pe gazon, am crezut c\u0103 pot s\u0103-mi iau locul meu de spectator; nici vorb\u0103.Huiduielile \u0219i \u00eenjur\u0103turile la adresa mea nu mai conteneau \u0219i oamenii de ordine m-au escortat p\u00e2n\u0103 la ie\u0219irea din stadio dup\u0103 care, cu un av\u00e2nt comun, m-au azv\u00e2rlit pe caldar\u00e2m. Am aterizat pe trotuar, av\u00e2nd dureri \u00een tot corpul \u0219i mai ales o ap\u0103sare sufleteasc\u0103 de om prigonit \u0219i asuprit. G\u00e2ndul revan\u0219ei prindea contur \u00eenc\u0103 de la nivelul de c\u00e2\u021biva centimetri de la sol pe care \u00eel aveam atunci \u00een fa\u021ba ochilor. Picioarele mele zv\u00e2cneau, nervoase, ca ale tr\u0103pa\u0219ilor \u00eenainte de curs\u0103. M-am trezit \u00eenconjurat de ni\u0219te suporteri, care m\u0103 \u00eendemnau s\u0103 revin pe teren \u0219i s\u0103-i fac praf. Aveam pe mine un tricou galben, cu num\u0103r pe el. M-am \u00eempotrivit din toate puterile \u00eendemnurilor \u0219i, mai ales, impulsurilor care-mi veneau din interior de a juca fotbal. Nu practicasem niciodat\u0103 acest sport, nici m\u0103car \u00een perioada de adolescen\u021b\u0103, dar eram convins c\u0103 m-a\u0219 fi descurcat de minune. M-am dus acas\u0103, \u00eencas\u00e2nd c\u00e2teva aplauze pe traseu. Am dormit bine, aproape f\u0103r\u0103 vise. Doar spre diminea\u021b\u0103 am visat c\u00e2nd c\u0103 eram \u0219ofer de autobuz, c\u00e2nd poli\u021bist\u0103 -nu poli\u021bist!-, c\u00e2nd fotbalist de succes. Am ajuns la serviciu n\u0103uc, cu senza\u021bia c\u0103 nu \u0219tiu bine cine sunt \u0219i nici ce a\u0219 fi c\u0103utat acolo. Numai c\u0103 lucram de ani buni \u00een acel loc de munc\u0103, \u00een acea cl\u0103dire veche \u0219i mohor\u00e2t\u0103, o banc\u0103 ridicat\u0103 \u00een perioada interbelic\u0103. \u00cemi pl\u0103cea holul cel mare, un spa\u021biu similar cu cel de la Cecul Mare de pe Victoriei. C\u00e2nd intrai acolo, te sim\u021beai \u00eenving\u0103tor. Ca s\u0103 ajung \u00een biroul meu urcam cu liftul p\u00e2n\u0103 la etajul unu. Acest palier se afla la o distan\u021b\u0103 de trei etaje comparativ cu o cl\u0103dire oarecare; \u0219i apoi mai urma un singur nivel. C\u00e2nd am p\u0103truns \u00een cl\u0103dire, \u00een hol era o activitate neobi\u0219nuit\u0103. Mai mul\u021bi salaria\u021bi erau opri\u021bi \u00een spa\u021biul din centrul s\u0103lii de c\u0103tre \u0219eful de la resurse umane, care avea o figur\u0103 de \u021bap furios. Purta un pardesiu negru, cam lung, \u0219i avea p\u0103rul mare \u00een neor\u00e2nduial\u0103. Fa\u021ba \u00eei era de o paloare mortal\u0103, iar b\u0103rbia i se termina cu un barbi\u0219on ridicol, din c\u00e2teva fire lungi \u0219i r\u0103sfirate. \u00cen realitate, nu era m\u00e2nios de loc, a\u0219a era figura lui, ca de cioclu, dar \u00eei pl\u0103cea s\u0103 execute ordine nepopulare. De data asta, pe un scaun \u00een dreptul unui st\u00e2lp masiv, st\u0103tea cu o atitudine sever\u0103, directorul mare. Supraveghea, cu o figur\u0103 de c\u0103l\u0103u medieval, circul f\u0103cut de \u0219eful de la resurse umane. Acesta din urm\u0103 avea \u00een m\u00e2n\u0103 un fel de carioc\u0103 foarte groas\u0103 cu care f\u0103cea c\u00e2te o cruce ro\u0219ie pe fruntea fiec\u0103rui \u00eent\u00e2rziat. Odat\u0103 \u00eensemna\u021bi, oamenii se duceau la locurile lor de munc\u0103. C\u00e2nd a venit r\u00e2ndul Roxanei, care era femeia de serviciu, \u0219eful de la resurse a avut probleme; ea nu s-a l\u0103sat m\u00e2zg\u0103lit\u0103 pe frunte \u0219i s-a luptat cu b\u0103rbatul; acesta din urm\u0103 nu a dat \u00eenapoi \u0219i s-a angajat cu ea \u00eentr-o confruntare corp la corp, ajung\u00e2nd ca femeia s\u0103 fie t\u00e2r\u00e2t\u0103 pe jos \u0219i \u00eenc\u0103lecat\u0103 de b\u0103rbatul \u00eenver\u0219unat; \u00een acel moment, directorul mare s-a ridicat din scaunul s\u0103u \u0219i a venit personal s\u0103-i aplice crucea ro\u0219ie indisciplinatei. Roxana s-a zv\u00e2rcolit ca o caracati\u021b\u0103 prins\u0103 \u00een harpon \u0219i a s\u0103rit \u00een picioare din pozi\u021bia aproape orizontal\u0103 \u00een care fusese obligat\u0103 s\u0103 ajung\u0103. Apoi a venit r\u00e2ndul unor b\u0103rba\u021bi care s-au l\u0103sat \u00eensemna\u021bi ca vitele la t\u00e2rg \u0219i au disp\u0103rut spre cotloanele lor. A venit r\u00e2ndul meu, dar cum \u0219eful de la resurse s-a apropiat, cum i-am dat peste m\u00e2n\u0103. Directorul \u0219i-a p\u0103r\u0103sit iar scaunul s\u0103u \u0219i i-a luat din m\u00e2na \u0219efului de la resurse carioca, a\u0219a cum ar fi luat un pistol; apoi s-a apropiat de fa\u021ba mea afi\u0219\u00e2nd o figur\u0103 fioroas\u0103. Toat\u0103 lumea din banc\u0103 privea de prin jur s-au de la balcoanele interioare. \u0218i atunci, hap, l-am \u00eenghi\u021bit. P\u0103i nu se mai putea! Dar oamenii au r\u0103mas stupefia\u021bi. Nu prea s-a-n\u021beles ce s-a \u00eent\u00e2mplat. Eu m-am dus \u00een biroul meu s\u0103-mi v\u0103d de treab\u0103. Pardon! M-am dus \u00een biroul directorului. Imediat i-am cerut secretarei dou\u0103 cafele.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Le be\u021bi pe am\u00e2ndou\u0103 odat\u0103, sau vi le aduc pe r\u00e2nd? m-a \u00eentrebat ea gale\u0219\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Adu-le pe am\u00e2ndou\u0103. Una este pentru Roxana.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Ea \u0219tie?<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Nu. Anun\u021b-o!<\/p>\n

Femeia a venit foarte sup\u0103rat\u0103. Se a\u0219tepta la ceea ce-i mai r\u0103u. C\u00e2nd te cheam\u0103 directorul, e groas\u0103!<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -S\u0103-mi \u0219terge\u021bi pata! a zis ea de cum a intrat. Nu dumneavoastr\u0103, chema\u021bi o femeie. \u0218i s\u0103 \u0219ti\u021bi c\u0103 verific\u0103rile astea sunt umilitoare, mai ales la un salariu at\u00e2t de mic.<\/p>\n

Am chemat secretara \u0219i am rugat-o s\u0103-i \u0219tearg\u0103 semnul f\u0103cut pe frunte de c\u0103tre directorul de la resurse umane.Roxana a stat rigid\u0103 ca la un tratament facial scump. A \u00eencremenit cu ochii-nchi\u0219i \u0219i buzele str\u00e2nse. Nu puteam s\u0103 nu m\u0103 uit pe furi\u0219 la ea, fiindc\u0103 era o femeie frumoas\u0103. Avea un corp bine propor\u021bionat, poate pu\u021bin cam musculoas\u0103, \u0219i o figur\u0103 cu tr\u0103s\u0103turi nordice. Blond\u0103 cu ochi alba\u0219tri. Aprig\u0103. Era femeie de serviciu, dar am \u00een\u021beles c\u0103 avea studii superioare; ceva cu sportul sau psihologia. Despre starea ei civil\u0103 nu prea \u0219tiam, dar puteam s\u0103 m\u0103 uit \u00een calculator prin fi\u0219ierele de la resurse umane (dac\u0103 nu erau sub parol\u0103).<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Mul\u021bumesc! a zis ea dup\u0103 ce a sc\u0103pat de pata de pe frunte.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Be\u021bi-v\u0103 cafeaua, v\u0103 rog! i-am zis eu. Roxana a sorbit de dou\u0103 ori din cafea \u0219i s-a ridicat s\u0103 plece. S-a \u00eentors din u\u0219\u0103:<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -De fapt, dumneavoastr\u0103 m-a\u021bi chemat!<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Da, eu, voiam…<\/p>\n

Suntem tari pe pozi\u021bie tot timpul; dar vine un moment c\u00e2nd piedestalul nostru se clatin\u0103. Sl\u0103biciunea vine din interior, din banca de date a p\u0103catelor f\u0103cute de mo\u0219ii \u0219i str\u0103mo\u0219ii no\u0219tri. Nu \u0219tiam ce s\u0103-i spun, nu aveam ce. Ea s-a apropiat de mine destul de mult \u0219i mi-a \u0219uierat, cu pleoapele plecate spre pantofi:<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Ascult\u0103, mo\u0219ule, dac\u0103 te mai dai la mine ca acum o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103, te caftesc de-\u021bi sar mucii! \u0219i ie\u0219i. Am remarcat c\u0103 niciodat\u0103 nu m\u0103 privise direct \u00een fa\u021b\u0103. In firm\u0103, atmosfera era destul de \u00eenc\u0103rcat\u0103. Oamenii erau nemultumi\u021bi de t\u0103ierea unor sporuri la salariu \u0219i a altor avantaje (abonamente de transport, tichete de vacan\u021b\u0103 etc). \u0218tiam asta \u00eenc\u0103 de c\u00e2nd eram un simplu func\u021bionar.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00cen zilele urm\u0103toare, pu\u021bin dup\u0103 pr\u00e2nz, m-am dus la bufet. Localul nostru era amenajat \u00eentr-o hrub\u0103 care fusese o sta\u021bie abandonat\u0103 de metrou. \u00centr-un fel era pitoresc, \u00een altul era cam sinistru. Sala de mese nu era prea mare, dar destul de \u00eenc\u0103p\u0103toare pentru salaria\u021bii no\u0219tri. \u00cemi tr\u0103sesem gluga peste cap \u0219i m-am retras cu tava de m\u00e2ncare \u00eentr-un col\u021b, a\u0219ez\u00e2ndu-m\u0103 cu spatele la ceilal\u021bi angaja\u021bi veni\u021bi s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nce. Deodat\u0103 m-am trezit \u00eenconjurat de oameni; cineva mi-a tras gluga de pe cap.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Aici era\u021bi, domnule director?<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -De aia nu era\u021bi \u00een birou!<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -\u0218i noi, care voiam s\u0103 vorbim cu dumneavoastr\u0103!<\/p>\n

M-am f\u0103cut mic \u00een scaunul meu, dar era inutil. Trupurile celor care m\u0103 asaltaser\u0103 aproape c\u0103 m\u0103 atingeau.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -C\u00e2nd ne da\u021bi bonurile de mas\u0103? strig\u0103 o femeie sub\u021biric\u0103, \u00een urechea mea.<\/p>\n

M-am ridicat \u0219i mi-am f\u0103cut loc printre ei, duc\u00e2ndu-m\u0103 \u00een birou \u0219i spun\u00e2nd secretarei c\u0103 nu mai vreau s\u0103 fiu deranjat. Dar chiar atunci, pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 secretar\u0103 trecu o tip\u0103 brunet\u0103, cu obrajii ro\u0219ii de efort, cu ochii \u00een fl\u0103c\u0103ri:<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Unde e Costic\u0103? zise aceasta cu severitate.<\/p>\n

Secretara f\u0103cu o figur\u0103 descompus\u0103, abulic\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Cine-i Costic\u0103? am \u00eentrebat eu.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Dumneavoastr\u0103! zise secretara, astup\u00e2ndu-\u0219i gura cu m\u00e2na dreapt\u0103 imediat dup\u0103 ce vorbise.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -\u0102sta? \u0102sta nu e Costic\u0103! zise femeia \u0219i se apropie de mine p\u00e2n\u0103 m\u0103 atinse. Ardea ca focul; dar nu era un foc de care s\u0103 te fere\u0219ti, ci o v\u00e2lv\u0103taie care te cople\u0219ea \u00een mod nev\u0103zut. Frumoasa f\u0103ptur\u0103 m-a \u00eempins spre birou \u0219i m-a for\u021bat s\u0103 m\u0103 las pe spate. Ea, deasupra mea, executa parc\u0103 o opera\u021bie chirurgical\u0103 de mare anvergur\u0103; poate c\u0103-mi scotea inima. Spunea, g\u00e2f\u00e2ind excitat\u0103:<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Cine e\u0219ti, domnule, \u0219i ce-ai f\u0103cut cu so\u021bul meu? Secretara ie\u0219i \u00eenchiz\u00e2nd u\u0219a dup\u0103 ea. Corpurile intrusei \u0219i al meu aproape c\u0103 se contopiser\u0103. Iar eu, neav\u00e2nd ce face cu m\u00e2inile \u2013 le agitasem b\u0103t\u00e2nd aerul lateral ca o musc\u0103 prins\u0103 \u00eentr-un insectar \u2013 le-am depus pe spatele fierbinte al doamnei, \u0219i am \u00eenceput un masaj u\u0219or \u0219i timid. Deodat\u0103 femeia de deasupra mea \u00eemi tr\u00e2nti o ventuz\u0103 pe gur\u0103, un fel de s\u0103rut violent, soldat cu o mu\u0219c\u0103tur\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 la s\u00e2nge de buza inferioar\u0103. Apoi, doamna cobor\u00ee de pe mine \u0219i se f\u0103cu nev\u0103zut\u0103, din doi pa\u0219i uria\u0219i p\u00e2n\u0103 la u\u0219\u0103. Secretara a intrat imediat cu ni\u0219te fe\u0219e \u0219i spirt. \u00cemi curgea s\u00e2nge \u0219i Maricela m-a pansat, dar ar\u0103tam ca un zombi; bandajul trecea peste gur\u0103 \u0219i b\u0103rbie, p\u00e2n\u0103 la baza nasului, \u0219i abia puteam s\u0103 respir; dup\u0103 cum turnase peste mine din sticla cu alcool, cred c\u0103 \u00eenghi\u021bisem \u0219i ceva spirt. N-am mai stat mult a\u0219a \u2013 \u00eencremenisem \u00een scaunul de director \u2013 \u0219i am rugat s\u0103 mi se preg\u0103teasc\u0103 ma\u0219ina s\u0103 merg acas\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Dar programul nu s-a terminat! a zis Maricela pun\u00e2ndu-\u0219i imediat m\u00e2inile peste gur\u0103. Mi-am rupt bandajul \u0219i l-am aruncat la co\u0219. Am cobor\u00e2t \u0219i \u0219oferul m-a a\u0219teptat rezemat de botul limuzinei b\u0103ncii. F\u0103r\u0103 un cuv\u00e2nt, m-a dus acas\u0103. Dar nu era acas\u0103 la mine, ci acas\u0103 la directorul b\u0103ncii. Femeia care m\u0103 maltratase cu scurt timp \u00een urm\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eent\u00e2mpin\u0103 de la u\u0219\u0103. Era o vil\u0103 cochet\u0103, \u00eentr-o zon\u0103 din apropierea lacurilor.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -M\u0103 cheam\u0103 Zu, \u00een caz c\u0103 ai uitat! \u00eemi zise ea cu un z\u00e2mbet ciudat, complice. Era un mod subtil de a-mi ar\u0103ta c\u0103 \u0219tia cine sunt de fapt, dar c\u0103 se va face c\u0103 nu \u0219tie. Mi-a spus s\u0103 fac, mai \u00eent\u00e2i, o baie. \u201eMai \u00eent\u00e2i?\u201d mi-am zis eu, presim\u021bind ceva foarte pl\u0103cut. Am intrat \u00een baie. Am mai v\u0103zut multe camere de baie, dar ca aceea, niciodat\u0103. \u00cen primul r\u00e2nd, era foarte mare. C\u00e2t tot apartamentul meu de acas\u0103. E adev\u0103rat c\u0103-n afar\u0103 de cada de \u00eemb\u0103iere existau acolo \u0219i aparate de fitness. C\u00e2nd s\u0103 ies din bazin, doamna Zu a intrat peste mine. Ceea ce nu m-a deranjat, \u00eemi ziceam c\u0103 va urma ceva minunat. Dar ea avea \u00een m\u00e2n\u0103 un mic aparat de fotografiat, cu care m-a pozat \u00een fel \u0219i chip. Eu fiind gol, iar ea \u00eembr\u0103cat\u0103, bine\u00een\u021beles.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -De ce m\u0103 fotografiezi? am \u00eentrebat-o.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Pentru fi\u0219e, mi-a r\u0103spuns.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Ce fi\u0219e?<\/p>\n

Nu mi-a mai dat nicio replic\u0103. Mi-era frig \u0219i m-am \u00eentins dup\u0103 un prosop, dar ea mi l-a luat \u0219i l-a aruncat \u00een bazin. Am vrut s\u0103 iau un halat, dar \u0219i de data asta femeia s-a repezit s\u0103 m\u0103 opreasc\u0103. Era \u00eembr\u0103cat\u0103 \u00eentr-un deux piece bluz\u0103 pantalon, \u0219i ne-am luptat percep\u00e2ndu-ne din nou corpurile unul altuia. Mai ales c\u0103 eu n-aveam nimic pe mine. Iar ea m-a apucat str\u00e2ns de g\u00e2t, apoi de mijloc. Luptele dintre b\u0103rba\u021bi \u0219i femei degenereaz\u0103 de multe ori \u00een altceva, fiindc\u0103 sim\u021burile preiau controlul. \u0218i atunci trupul meu a \u00eenceput s\u0103 fie atras de confruntare, parc\u0103 t\u00e2njind dup\u0103 contactul cu cel al atr\u0103g\u0103toarei femei care era so\u021bia directorului. \u0218i parc\u0103, parc\u0103, \u0219i ea, se l\u0103sa prad\u0103 pl\u0103cerii acelei clipe…<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Numai s\u0103 nu m\u0103 mai mu\u0219ti! i-am zis eu ironic \u0219i dintr-odat\u0103 ea a \u00eencremenit, \u00eencet\u00e2nd imediat orice tentativ\u0103 de a m\u0103 mai atinge.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Crezi c\u0103 nu \u0219tiu cine e\u0219ti? a strigat ea ro\u0219ie ca sfecla la fa\u021b\u0103. Spune ce-ai f\u0103cut cu so\u021bul meu!<\/p>\n

Am reu\u0219it s\u0103 pun un halat pe mine \u0219i-am ie\u0219it din camera de baie. M-am a\u0219ezat pe o canapea comod\u0103 din salon.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Te pomene\u0219ti c\u0103 vrei \u0219i-un whisky acum?<\/p>\n

N-am zis nimic. Doamna Zu a adus un pahar cu b\u0103utur\u0103 maronie \u0219i l-a depus pe m\u0103su\u021ba din fa\u021ba mea.Am dat b\u0103utura peste cap sim\u021bind cum m\u0103 arde la stomac. Dar \u00een scurt timp am avut o senza\u021bie de bine. Dar whisky-ul fusese foarte tare, ori avea \u00een el \u0219i ceva \u201e\u00eembun\u0103t\u0103\u021biri\u201d. Am adormit ca un anesteziat \u00eenainte de opera\u021bie. M-am trezit a doua zi, \u00een zori. Eram pe aceea\u0219i canapea \u0219i aveam o pern\u0103 sub cap \u0219i o p\u0103tur\u0103 cu care eram \u00eenvelit.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Scoal\u0103-te c-a venit ma\u0219ina! \u00eemi spuse doamna Zu.<\/p>\n

Am dat pe g\u00e2t o can\u0103 de ceai \u0219i m-am \u00eembr\u0103cat cu un costum de-al directorului, ajutat cu dezinvoltur\u0103 \u0219i lips\u0103 total\u0103 de jen\u0103 de c\u0103tre so\u021bia disp\u0103rutului. Mi-a \u00eencheiat nasturii de la c\u0103ma\u0219\u0103, fermoarul de la prohab, mi-a b\u0103gat c\u0103ma\u0219a \u00een pantaloni. Femeia avea o expresie ciudat\u0103, o privire ironic\u0103. Parc\u0103 spunea: \u201em\u0103 port eu bine acum, dar o s\u0103 vezi ce-o s\u0103 p\u0103\u021be\u0219ti!\u201d.Limuzina b\u0103ncii m-a dus la serviciu; cum am intrat, \u00eenc\u0103 de pe hol, am fost \u00eent\u00e2mpinat de saluturi cordiale. Nici n-am intrat bine \u00een cabinet c\u0103 secretara mi-a \u0219i adus o cafea uria\u0219\u0103, cu fri\u0219c\u0103. Apoi m-a anun\u021bat c\u0103 aveam o vizit\u0103 la ora zece. Erau trei arabi, sau, mai bine zis, b\u0103rba\u021bi cu \u00eembr\u0103c\u0103minte caracteristic\u0103 musulmanilor; pelerin\u0103, turban. Au venit la zece fix \u0219i s-au instalat pe fotoliile din cabinet, sco\u021b\u00e2nd exclama\u021bii de satisfac\u021bie ca \u0219i cum ar fi fost la cap\u0103tul unei curse atletice grele. Secretara le-a adus ni\u0219te cafele \u00een ni\u0219te c\u0103ni imense \u0219i ei \u0219i-au scos imediat pipele.<\/p>\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[fragment de roman] de Ioan Suciu Primul om pe care l-am \u00eenghi\u021bit a fost un b\u0103rbat \u00eenalt \u0219i slab, cu burt\u0103 proeminent\u0103 \u0219i caraghioas\u0103 crescut\u0103 pe silueta lui destul de sub\u021biric\u0103, cu voce de bas \u0219i urechi cl\u0103p\u0103uge. \u00cel vedeam deseori prin mijloacele de transport, \u00een ma\u0219ina 313, \u00een metrou, \u00een parc.Dup\u0103 ce l-am \u00eengurgitat, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1420,15],"tags":[1421,875,1017,1115],"class_list":["post-13017","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-63","category-proza","tag-egophobia-63","tag-fragment-de-roman","tag-ioan-suciu","tag-proza"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-3nX","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13017","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13017"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13017\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13018,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13017\/revisions\/13018"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13017"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13017"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13017"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}