de Andra Kat<\/p>\n
Nu te osteni s\u0103 sco\u021bi col\u021bii unui demon<\/em><\/p>\n \n Triste\u021be. Un om trist \u00ee\u0219i va smulge unghiile clipind o singur\u0103 dat\u0103, f\u0103r\u0103 vreun \u021bip\u0103t. Un om trist nu \u00ee\u021bi va povesti via\u021ba lui. Un om trist va sta singur chiar \u0219i c\u00e2nd e \u00eenconjurat de mul\u021bi oameni. Pe omul trist po\u021bi s\u0103 \u00eel \u00eentrebi orice \u0219i \u00ee\u021bi va r\u0103spunde, dar niciodat\u0103 nu \u00ee\u0219i va descoase sufletul. Omul trist e prea trist. Omul trist moare \u0219i \u00eenvie f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 \u00ee\u0219i dea seama nimeni din jurul s\u0103u. Omul trist e prea t\u0103cut. Eu… eu sunt omul trist. M-a\u0219 urca \u00een v\u00e2rf de munte \u0219i-a\u0219 urla: salveaz\u0103-m\u0103, careva! Oricine! Ascult\u0103-m\u0103, \u00een\u021belege-m\u0103, iube\u0219te-m\u0103!<\/p>\n Dar eu-s dincolo de st\u00e2nc\u0103, sunt o firav\u0103 umbr\u0103, blocat\u0103 \u00eentre pietre, c-un picior strivit \u0219i nici de durere nu pot deschide gura.<\/p>\n \u00cenghit durerea. \u00cenghit cuvintele.<\/p>\n Pentru cei care tac, c\u00e2t vom mai reu\u0219i s\u0103 t\u0103cem? C\u00e2t ne vom mai ab\u021bine s\u0103 scoatem col\u021bii demonilor ce ne smulg, de fric\u0103 c\u0103 vor cre\u0219te iar? Dac\u0103 reu\u0219im s\u0103 le disloc\u0103m maxilarul cu totul \u0219i ne salv\u0103m?<\/p>\n ##<\/p>\n Andra Kat (29 ani), Ia\u0219i, e c\u00e2\u0219tig\u0103toarea premiului al III-lea la concursul de eseuri pe tema t\u0103cerii. Concursul a fost organizat de Proiectul CORBU, pornind de la albumul lor recent \u201eCei Care Tac\u201d. <\/em><\/p>\n Juriul concursului a fost format din scriitorul Marian Coman, specialistul \u00een social media Cristian China Birta, muzicianul Marius Pop, muzicianul Sergiu Corbu Boldor, scriitoarea Luiza Mitu. <\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" de Andra Kat Nu te osteni s\u0103 sco\u021bi col\u021bii unui demon Triste\u021be. Un om trist \u00ee\u0219i va smulge unghiile clipind o singur\u0103 dat\u0103, f\u0103r\u0103 vreun \u021bip\u0103t. Un om trist nu \u00ee\u021bi va povesti via\u021ba lui. Un om trist va sta singur chiar \u0219i c\u00e2nd e \u00eenconjurat de mul\u021bi oameni. Pe omul trist po\u021bi s\u0103 \u00eel […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1494,27],"tags":[1498,1495,1117],"class_list":["post-13504","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-67","category-filosofie","tag-andra-kat","tag-egophobia-67","tag-filosofie"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-3vO","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13504","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13504"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13504\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13505,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13504\/revisions\/13505"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13504"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13504"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13504"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nT\u0103cerea e c\u00e2nd ajungi sub p\u0103m\u00e2nt. Metaforic vorbind.
\nC\u00e2nd sim\u021bi c\u0103 mai bine \u021bi-ar sta \u00eentr-un co\u0219ciug.
\nMortul oric\u00e2t sufer\u0103 c\u00e2nd viermii \u00eei str\u0103pung corpul, c\u00e2nd s\u00e2ngele i se \u00eempietre\u0219te \u0219i creieru-i putreze\u0219te, oric\u00e2t ar vrea s\u0103 \u021bipe, nu mai poate.
\nGura \u00eei este cusut\u0103 s\u0103 nu cumva s\u0103 \u00eei cad\u0103 maxilarul \u0219i s\u0103 provoace dispre\u021b.
\nOchii \u00eei sunt \u00eenchi\u0219i s\u0103 nu vad\u0103 suferin\u021ba celor dragi.
\nLa tri\u0219ti, ochii celor dragi sunt \u00eenchi\u0219i \u0219i nu v\u0103d suferin\u021ba lor.
\nLa tri\u0219ti, ei \u00ee\u0219i \u021bin gura \u00eenchis\u0103 ca s\u0103 nu provoace mil\u0103.
\nLa tri\u0219ti, \u00eei doare tot corpul, totul e \u00eempietrit \u0219i nu se pot ridica din pat, \u00eei m\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103 g\u00e2ndurile, le putreze\u0219te speran\u021ba \u0219i totu\u0219i… Nu \u00ee\u0219i dezleag\u0103 gura.
\nT\u0103cerea e c\u00e2nd sim\u021bi c\u0103 \u021bi se rupe sufletul, c\u00e2nd \u021bi-l smulge col\u021bii unui demon \u0219i \u021bi se ciobesc din\u021bii de la at\u00e2t urlet t\u0103cut.
\nAm t\u0103cut mult\u0103 vreme.
\nAm fost moart\u0103 mult\u0103 vreme.
\nAm fost sub p\u0103m\u00e2nt mult\u0103 vreme.
\nAm \u00eenviat hr\u0103nindu-m\u0103 cu r\u00e2me sc\u00e2rboase.
\nGandhi zice c\u0103 ,, omul stric\u0103 lucrurile mult mai mult cu cuvintele dec\u00e2t cu t\u0103cerea “.
\nEu am t\u0103cut \u0219i m-am stricat pe mine.
\nMi-am sugrumat glasul p\u00e2n\u0103 m-am sufocat.
\nM-am sinucis f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 vreau. Ironic, nu? Sinuciderea implic\u0103 o dorin\u021ba imens\u0103 de a termina jocul cu via\u021ba. Eu nu am vrut s\u0103 mor.
\nAm vrut s\u0103 omor tot din jurul meu, dar s\u0103 m\u0103 las pe mine.
\nA\u0219 fi stricat pe al\u021bii dac\u0103 vorbeam? Dac\u0103 \u00eemi urlam oful \u0219i durerea?
\nCu siguran\u021b\u0103!
\nDar m-a\u0219 fi vindecat pe mine.
\nNiciun chirurg nu mai poate s\u0103 \u00eemi repare mintea stricat\u0103 \u0219i inima zdrobit\u0103.
\nSunt \u00eemp\u0103cat\u0103 c\u0103 e doar inima mea bolnav\u0103 \u0219i nu \u0219i a celor din jur?
\nPar\u021bial. Dar cu ce folos \u0219i ce pre\u021b?
\nEu sunt pe lista neagr\u0103 de transplant. Pe lista aia f\u0103cut\u0103 din obliga\u021bie moral\u0103, \u0219tiind cu to\u021bii c\u0103 nu voi fi cap de list\u0103 vreodat\u0103.
\nAm t\u0103cut.
\nAm t\u0103cut ca partea instrumental\u0103 a unei balade. Aia pe care o sim\u021bi, o tr\u0103ie\u0219ti, dar nu po\u021bi verbaliza sentimentele ce \u021bi le exprim\u0103. \u0218tii doar c\u0103 notele alea, b\u0103taia tobelor, jocurile corzilor sunt cea mai pur\u0103 form\u0103 a t\u0103cerii ce zice ceva.
\nA\u0219 vrea s\u0103 mint \u0219i s\u0103 spun ca acum am o voce.
\nC-am ren\u0103scut cu un scop.
\nC\u0103 m-am transformat \u0219i totul e ca un vis.
\nNu.
\nVorbesc \u00een \u0219oapt\u0103.
\nVorbesc dar de fapt tac.
\nVorbesc de mai bine nu a\u0219 vorbi.
\nVorbesc ca la un trunchi de copac \u00een b\u0103taia v\u00e2ntului. Se preface mi\u0219cat de ceea \u00eei spun, dar de fapt v\u0103d ce vreau s\u0103 v\u0103d. Orice a\u0219 spune, reac\u021bia e la fel de nul\u0103.
\nAud ce vreau s\u0103 aud.
\nVorbesc dar de fapt tac.
\nTac c\u00e2nd \u00eemi apas lama de bisturiu \u00een coaps\u0103. E t\u0103cerea pe care o cunosc: durerea pe care n-o \u021bipi, doar o sim\u021bi.
\nNu vreau s\u0103 mor. M\u0103 tai c\u0103 doar a\u0219a mai pot s\u0103 \u021bip \u00een g\u00e2ndul meu \u0219i doar a\u0219a mai simt altceva.
\nAm mai murit odat\u0103 \u0219i era lini\u0219te. Nu \u00eemi place lini\u0219tea. \u00cemi place g\u0103l\u0103gia, agita\u021bia. Doar a\u0219a t\u0103cerea mea are un sens: tac c\u0103 oricum nu m-a\u0219 auzi.<\/p>\n