{"id":13582,"date":"2021-06-15T09:30:45","date_gmt":"2021-06-15T07:30:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=13582"},"modified":"2021-06-16T10:35:09","modified_gmt":"2021-06-16T08:35:09","slug":"faraway","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=13582","title":{"rendered":"Faraway"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a><\/p>\n

proz\u0103 selectat\u0103 din grupul \u201cProz\u0103 \u015fi eseuri<\/a>\u201d – facebook [a doua selec\u0163ie]<\/span><\/p>\n

de Ildiko \u0218erban<\/p>\n

Cuvintele ei au lovit exact acolo unde \u00eemi era foame de viu, dar eu nu mai \u0219tiam asta de ceva timp. \u00cenmagazinam tot ca \u00eentr-un album alb negru. \u0218tiam doar c\u0103 nu \u00eemi pl\u0103cea felul \u00een care privirea mea putea trece peste evenimente ca flash-ul aparatului de fotografiat, rece \u0219i extrem de rapid. \u00cenainte, eram \u00eenv\u0103\u021bat\u0103 s\u0103 simt instant \u00een\u021belegerea lucrurilor, s\u0103 simt cu sunet, miros, reverbera\u021bii, tot ce m\u0103 \u00eenconjoar\u0103 \u0219i felul acela de receptare, s\u0103pat \u00een adn, m\u0103 f\u0103cea fericit\u0103. C\u00e2nd am constatat prima oar\u0103 c\u0103 \u00eemi lipse\u0219te bucuria aia, nici m\u0103car nu am fost trist\u0103. Atunci m-am privit \u00eendelung, ca \u00eentr-o moarte clinic\u0103 \u00een care \u00eenainte de a pleca \u00ee\u021bi scrutezi corpul f\u0103r\u0103 regrete, mi-am arhivat imaginea \u00een memorie \u0219i mi-am spus simplu \u201easta e\u201d, ca \u0219i cum a\u0219 fi constatat c\u0103 afar\u0103 plou\u0103 \u0219i ce po\u021bi face c\u00e2nd plou\u0103? Ridici din umeri, deschizi o umbrel\u0103, dac\u0103 ai, sau porne\u0219ti \u00een treburile tale b\u0103g\u00e2ndu-\u021bi capul \u00eentre umeri, cu privirea a\u021bintit\u0103 \u00eenaintea pa\u0219ilor rapizi pe care trebuie s\u0103 \u00eei faci. Asta c\u00e2nd felul t\u0103u de a trece prin via\u021b\u0103 e contra cronometru. E sec. E repetitiv. Despre ploaie, \u00eenainte de constatarea asta, a\u0219 fi putut vorbi la nesf\u00e2r\u0219it, de\u0219i preferam s\u0103 \u00eemi tac ploaia \u0219i doar s\u0103 o tr\u0103iesc, \u00een timp ce ea picura peste ochi, pome\u021bi, barb\u0103 \u0219i g\u00e2t strecur\u00e2ndu-se uneori \u00een decolteul discret, evapor\u00e2ndu-se pitit, acolo. Alt\u0103dat\u0103, ca \u0219i cum ar fi fost \u00eent\u00e2mplat acest \u201ealt\u0103dat\u0103\u201d \u00een via\u021ba altcuiva, ploaia, \u00eemi biciuia z\u00e2mbetul singuratic c\u00e2nd pe str\u0103zile pustii din care fugiser\u0103 oamenii r\u0103t\u0103ceam uneori cu lacrimi pe obraji, dar acum, nimic nu tres\u0103lta la nivelul sternului sec\u0103tuit \u0219i cum ziceam constatarea asta nu m\u0103 \u00eentrista, dar cuvintele ei, venite at\u00e2t de nea\u0219teptat m-au f\u0103cut s\u0103 recunosc instant c\u0103 mi-e foame de via\u021b\u0103 \u0219i culmea c\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103 sunt vie. \u201eSunt vie!\u201d mi-am strigat \u00een creieri \u0219i ecoul strig\u0103tului, \u00een alergarea lui nebun\u0103 prin craniu, m-a dezechilibrat. Ame\u021bisem. M-am sprijinit instant de oglinda de pe hol \u0219i palma mi-a alunecat un pic, din cauza impactului, pe r\u0103ceala sticlei. O c\u0103ldur\u0103 ciudat\u0103, ro\u0219ie, a \u00eenceput s\u0103 p\u00e2lp\u00e2ie printre coaste \u0219i uimit\u0103 urm\u0103ream cum se \u00eempr\u0103\u0219tie rapid p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een v\u00e2rful picioarelor, unde, ca pe poantele pe care nu am reu\u0219it niciodat\u0103 s\u0103 urc, c\u0103utau acel punct de echilibru \u00een care pentru o secund\u0103, sau mai multe, reu\u0219eai s\u0103 devii cea mai frumoas\u0103 statuie.<\/p>\n

\u201eNu \u00ee\u021bi mai aminte\u0219ti?\u201d m-a \u00eentrebat. Era \u00een cel\u0103lalt cap\u0103t al holului \u0219i nu mi-a v\u0103zut balansul finalizat cu atingerea scurt\u0103 \u0219i alunecat\u0103 pe oglind\u0103. \u201eNu.\u201d am r\u0103spuns dintr-o suflare, asum\u00e2ndu-mi \u0219i de data asta episoadele de uitare. A fost un exerci\u021biu dureros pe care l-am repetat c\u00e2\u021biva ani, acesta de a recunoa\u0219te c\u0103 uit dup\u0103 avc \u0219i de ceva timp nu mai \u00eemi era ru\u0219ine de ruptura \u00een dialog c\u00e2nd disperat\u0103 c\u0103utam un cuv\u00e2nt, o informa\u021bie sau o amintire, atunci c\u00e2nd memoria se juca cu mine ca \u0219i cu o minge de ping-pong, alerg\u00e2ndu-m\u0103 dup\u0103 ea prin cotloanele amintirilor. \u201eMare br\u00e2nz\u0103!\u201d mi-am spus \u00eentr-o zi, \u201efir-ai tu s\u0103 fii de memorie!\u201d am completat \u0219i am tras ad\u00e2nc aer \u00een piept. Eram preg\u0103tit\u0103 s\u0103 o \u00eenfrunt \u00een sf\u00e2r\u0219it \u0219i s\u0103 \u00eemi iau \u00eenapoi amintirile, dar exact \u00een acela\u0219i moment, am sim\u021bit cum ea o d\u0103 la pace ca \u0219i cum mi-ar fi spus \u201eok! ok! ai c\u00e2\u0219tigat\u201d, dar tic\u0103loasa avea nevoie doar de timp ca s\u0103 \u00ee\u0219i schimbe strategia. M-a mai umilit de c\u00e2teva ori, provoc\u00e2ndu-m\u0103 la lupt\u0103, \u00eens\u0103 nu a mai avut cu cine pentru c\u0103 descoperisem simplitatea \u00eentr-o propozi\u021bie u\u0219or de spus, care m\u0103 salva. A fost greu la \u00eenceput s\u0103 spun \u201eam uitat…\u201d, apoi am realizat c\u0103 de fapt memoria nu plecase ci doar s-a repozi\u021bionat \u0219i c\u0103 avea \u0219i ea dreptul s\u0103 aleag\u0103 c\u00e2nd \u0219i ce s\u0103 \u00eemi dea \u00eenapoi. E adev\u0103rat c\u0103 atunci c\u00e2nd i-am \u00eencredin\u021bat amintirile consideram c\u0103 e normal ca ea s\u0103 stea la dispozi\u021bia mea, dar dup\u0103, mi-am reconsiderat pozi\u021bia fa\u021b\u0103 de ea. I-am acordat (for\u021bat\u0103 ce-i drept de \u00eemprejur\u0103ri) autonomia de care avea nevoie. Aveam deja obi\u0219nuin\u021ba de a recunoa\u0219te eviden\u021ba, a\u0219a c\u0103 acum, a fost simplu s\u0103 spun \u201eam uitat\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201eChiar nu mai \u0219tii?\u201d m-a \u00eentrebat, apropiindu-se \u00eencet. Cu ochii mari \u0219i negri c\u0103uta pe fruntea mea, un r\u0103spuns. I-am sus\u021binut cu inocen\u021b\u0103 privirea \u00een timp ce ea rostea cuvintele. Priveam femeia frumoas\u0103 din fa\u021ba mea. Era \u00eenalt\u0103. Cu spatele drept. P\u0103rul negru \u00eei scotea \u00een eviden\u021b\u0103 tenul alb al fe\u021bei pe care tronau ochii \u0103ia mari \u00een negrul c\u0103rora puteai s\u0103 te pierzi lini\u0219tit, sim\u021bind \u00een lumina lor o bl\u00e2nde\u021be \u0219i \u00een\u021belepciune ce deveneau un absolut, chiar de la primul contact vizual.<\/p>\n

\u201eE Faraway\u201d a spus \u00eencet.<\/p>\n

Numele \u0103sta nu \u00eemi spunea nimic. Nu \u00eemi producea nici o emo\u021bie. M\u0103 zg\u00e2nd\u0103rea cumva greutatea pe care i-a dat-o acestui cuv\u00e2nt necunoscut, prin tonul jos \u0219i dulce-grav cu care l-a rostit.<\/p>\n

Brusc s-a \u00eentors cu spatele la mine \u0219i s-a dus la raftul cu \u00eenc\u0103l\u021b\u0103minte. \u00cen timp ce c\u0103uta perechea de cizme cu care voia s\u0103 se \u00eencal\u021be ca s\u0103 ie\u0219im \u00een ora\u0219 \u0219i pe care nu le g\u0103sea potrivite, ba c\u0103 nu se asorteaz\u0103, ba c\u0103 nu sunt suficient de c\u0103lduroase, dar asta f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 exprime lucrurile, doar cotrob\u0103ind printre rafturi, a \u00eenceput s\u0103 povesteasc\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u201eDup\u0103 ce plecai la serviciu, \u00een zilele \u00een care nu mergeam la gr\u0103dini\u021b\u0103, luam c\u00e2te un pulov\u0103r sau o e\u0219arf\u0103 de a ta. \u00cenchideam ochii \u0219i \u00eemi afundam obrazul \u00een moliciunea materialului ca s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi simt mirosul. Era \u00eentotdeauna acela\u0219i. Ani de zile ai folosit parfumul \u0103sta. E parfumul tinere\u021bii tale!\u201d a mai zis, cotrob\u0103ind \u00een continuare prin papuc\u0103raie.<\/p>\n

M-am sprijinit iar de oglind\u0103. Un z\u00e2mbet t\u00e2mp mi s-a a\u0219ezat pe fa\u021b\u0103 \u0219i a \u00eenceput s\u0103 m\u0103 doar\u0103 maxilarul \u00een spatele c\u0103ruia un urlet se zb\u0103tea s\u0103 ias\u0103.<\/p>\n

\u201e\u00cel folosesc de c\u00e2\u021biva ani, mami!\u201d a mai zis. \u201eA\u0219a e totul mai simplu…\u201d<\/p>\n

Ca \u00eentr-un carusel ce se \u00eenv\u00e2rte cu vitez\u0103 maxim\u0103, imagini, g\u00e2nduri, st\u0103ri, c\u0103utau un loc \u00een memorie ca s\u0103 \u00eentregeasc\u0103 o idee. Nu \u0219tiu de ce mi s-a f\u0103cut cald \u00een suflet \u0219i nu mai \u0219tiu ce a spus dup\u0103 asta. Nici nu conta. Pentru c\u00e2teva secole, eram din nou, vie.<\/p>\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

proz\u0103 selectat\u0103 din grupul \u201cProz\u0103 \u015fi eseuri\u201d – facebook [a doua selec\u0163ie] de Ildiko \u0218erban Cuvintele ei au lovit exact acolo unde \u00eemi era foame de viu, dar eu nu mai \u0219tiam asta de ceva timp. \u00cenmagazinam tot ca \u00eentr-un album alb negru. \u0218tiam doar c\u0103 nu \u00eemi pl\u0103cea felul \u00een care privirea mea putea […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1494,15,1487],"tags":[1495,1509,1115,1489],"class_list":["post-13582","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-67","category-proza","category-proza-eseuri-fb","tag-egophobia-67","tag-ildiko-serban","tag-proza","tag-proza-eseuri-fb"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s6DakB-faraway","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13582","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13582"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13582\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13625,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13582\/revisions\/13625"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13582"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13582"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13582"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}