{"id":14181,"date":"2022-05-30T08:40:08","date_gmt":"2022-05-30T06:40:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=14181"},"modified":"2022-05-29T16:42:23","modified_gmt":"2022-05-29T14:42:23","slug":"cu-tancul-prin-oras","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=14181","title":{"rendered":"Cu tancul prin ora\u0219"},"content":{"rendered":"

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proz\u0103 selectat\u0103 din grupul \u201cProz\u0103 \u015fi eseuri<\/a>\u201d – facebook [a \u0219asea selec\u0163ie]<\/span><\/p>\n

de Vasile Culidiuc<\/p>\n

-proz\u0103 prea scurt\u0103-<\/p>\n

Am l\u0103sat t\u00e2nd\u0103leala pe iahtul meu insuportabil de luxos \u0219i am ie\u0219it cu tancurile prin Gura Humorului! Am r\u0103spuns apelului f\u0103cut de Comandantul Armatei \u0219i am \u00eenceput s\u0103 patrul\u0103m cu cele patru tancuri din dotare, dou\u0103 tancuri T34 \u0219i dou\u0103 tancuri Panzer IV. Era aproape un fel de defilare. Am intrat \u00een tancul T34 condus de Tolea \u0219i am ie\u0219it pe turel\u0103 cu un binoclu \u00een m\u00e2n\u0103, aveam pe cap o basc\u0103 tip Che Guevara \u0219i eram \u00eembr\u0103cat \u00een uniform\u0103 de tanchist sovietic. V\u00e2nam humorenii care treceau pe strad\u0103. Trebuie s\u0103-i pedepsesc aspru pe cei care nu respectau Ordonan\u021ba Militar\u0103 Nr.3. Tolea avea strop\u0219eal\u0103 la el \u0219i dup\u0103 dou\u0103 ore de umblat prin ora\u0219 am v\u0103zut c\u0103 tancul \u00eendoaie un st\u00e2lp, apoi d\u0103r\u00e2m\u0103 un zid… M-am uitat \u00een spate \u0219i l-am v\u0103zut pe Tolea ie\u0219it din tanc, se pi\u0219\u0103 din mers.<\/p>\n

‘U\u0103i Tolea, cine conduce tancul?’ L-am \u00eentrebat eu.<\/p>\n

‘Eu, Excelen\u021b\u0103!’ A r\u0103spuns Tolea.<\/p>\n

Am turtit un mer\u021ban gre\u021bos care ne-a stat \u00een cale.<\/p>\n

Tolea a intrat \u00een tanc \u0219i a redresat tancul. Ludmila a \u00eenceput s\u0103-l \u00eenjure: ‘iob tvoi mati’!<\/p>\n

Cel\u0103lalt tanc T34 era condus de cuviosul Grigori. A pus o slujb\u0103, f\u0103cut\u0103 de cuviosul Paisie, \u00eenregistrat\u0103 acum doi ani. Avea dou\u0103 c\u0103lug\u0103ri\u021be care f\u0103ceau cruce \u0219i d\u0103deau cu agheasm\u0103. Erau sub influen\u021ba alcoolului \u0219i vorbeau licen\u021bios, nu vreau s\u0103 reproduc. Din turel\u0103, ie\u0219it\u0103 pe jum\u0103tate, Svetlana st\u0103tea calm\u0103 \u0219i beat\u0103. Purta o uniform\u0103 de polcovnic KGB, de parad\u0103. Avea m\u0103nu\u0219i albe \u0219i ochelari de soare. E preocupat\u0103 s\u0103 prind\u0103 humoreanul ie\u0219it din cas\u0103. Am dat dispozi\u021bie s\u0103 ascund\u0103 kala\u0219nikovul din dotare \u0219i l-a l\u0103sat pe iaht.<\/p>\n

Un Panzer IV era condus de Franz. Mergea din st\u00e2lp \u00een st\u00e2lp, el era tr\u0103g\u0103tor, dar a acceptat s\u0103 conduc\u0103 tancul pentru c\u0103 avea inim\u0103 bun\u0103. \u0218oferul, Karl Fritz, a fugit cu o moldoveanc\u0103 din Chi\u0219in\u0103u. Al\u0103turi de Franz au urcat Wu Li \u0219i Wu Lu, buc\u0103tarii chinezi. Wu Li era ie\u0219it pe turel\u0103. F\u0103cea t\u0103i\u021bei din orez. \u00centindea aluatul cu dou\u0103 m\u00e2ini, \u00eel arunca \u00een aer, \u00eel prindea, \u00eel \u00eenv\u00e2rtea. Avea de g\u00e2nd s\u0103 fac\u0103 o sup\u0103 de t\u0103i\u021bei \u0219i smotocea aluatul de-l ame\u021bise de tot. Era un spectacol pe tanc \u0219i merita v\u0103zut.<\/p>\n

Cel\u0103lalt tanc Panzer era condus de Marcica. De\u0219i nu se pricepea la tancuri era hot\u0103r\u00e2t\u0103 s\u0103 duc\u0103 la \u00eendeplinire misiunea primit\u0103. Era \u00eenso\u021bit\u0103 de trei Nata\u0219e. Una mai fain\u0103 dec\u00e2t cealalt\u0103. Erau mulg\u0103toarea colhoznice, frunta\u0219e \u00een \u00eentrecerea socialist\u0103. O Nata\u0219\u0103, Nata\u0219a Grifonova, din raionul Unkul, oblasta Kurgan era \u0219ofer.<\/p>\n

Olea Simotuc, paznic, a vrut s\u0103 aduc\u0103 submarinul nuclear rusesc pe str\u0103zile Humorului, dar p\u00e2r\u00e2ul Humor era prea mic. Submarinul a r\u0103mas blocat sub podul feroviar. A \u00eencercat s\u0103-l trag\u0103 \u00een Moldova cu cruci\u0219\u0103torul rusesc Potemkin 2. A blocat toat\u0103 circula\u021bia naval\u0103 pe p\u00e2r\u00e2ul Humor \u0219i r\u00e2ul Moldova. A fumat un trabuc din rezerva mea. Dup\u0103 aceea a fugit de m\u00e2nia mea proletar\u0103.<\/p>\n

Tancurile noastre patrulau inutil printr-un ora\u0219 aproape gol. Nu \u00een\u021belegeam de ce armata era ie\u0219it\u0103 pe str\u0103zile din Rom\u00e2nia…<\/p>\n

Lupt\u0103m pentru clasa conduc\u0103toare! Lupt\u0103m pentru Lenin!<\/p>\n

Humorenii au fugit din calea noastr\u0103 pentru c\u0103 au auzit c\u0103 vor fi lua\u021bi la orele de \u00eendoctrinare socialist\u0103! Se aude Pink Floyd! V-a\u021bi dat cu du\u0219manul! ‘The Wall’… Nici nu sun\u0103 r\u0103u.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

proz\u0103 selectat\u0103 din grupul \u201cProz\u0103 \u015fi eseuri\u201d – facebook [a \u0219asea selec\u0163ie] de Vasile Culidiuc -proz\u0103 prea scurt\u0103- Am l\u0103sat t\u00e2nd\u0103leala pe iahtul meu insuportabil de luxos \u0219i am ie\u0219it cu tancurile prin Gura Humorului! Am r\u0103spuns apelului f\u0103cut de Comandantul Armatei \u0219i am \u00eenceput s\u0103 patrul\u0103m cu cele patru tancuri din dotare, dou\u0103 tancuri […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1566,15,1487],"tags":[1567,1115,1489,1491],"class_list":["post-14181","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-72","category-proza","category-proza-eseuri-fb","tag-egophobia-72","tag-proza","tag-proza-eseuri-fb","tag-vasile-culidiuc"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-3GJ","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14181","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14181"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14181\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14182,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14181\/revisions\/14182"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14181"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=14181"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=14181"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}