{"id":14259,"date":"2022-06-13T12:52:12","date_gmt":"2022-06-13T10:52:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=14259"},"modified":"2022-06-15T12:52:21","modified_gmt":"2022-06-15T10:52:21","slug":"poems-by-carolyn-adams","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=14259","title":{"rendered":"poems by Carolyn Adams"},"content":{"rendered":"

Not Dead, But Not Quite Living<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I use time between departures<\/p>\n

to worry about you, the way<\/p>\n

we left it.<\/p>\n

Refiguring history fills<\/p>\n

my idle hours, and I wonder<\/p>\n

if you\u2019re glad for me gone.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Will you let me back in,<\/p>\n

or am I relegated to the fringe,<\/p>\n

here where I\u2019ve slowly migrated,<\/p>\n

where hard facts are unspoken.<\/p>\n

It feels like safety, but it\u2019s not.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s like living under glass,<\/p>\n

suspended like an insect on a pin.<\/p>\n

Not dead, but not quite living.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It\u2019s not long<\/p>\n

before I leave again.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

36,000 Feet<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Under a white wing,<\/p>\n

sinuous river channels drift<\/p>\n

through folded hills,<\/p>\n

village boundaries are like seams<\/p>\n

in an ancient map<\/p>\n

laid out carefully below.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The cabin is quiet, passengers<\/p>\n

are fed and patient.<\/p>\n

Blue aisle lights mimic the blue<\/p>\n

outside. Further away,<\/p>\n

uncertain air in the distance<\/p>\n

softens the horizon.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Cloud shadows on the ground<\/p>\n

are an intricate calligraphy,<\/p>\n

telling me how far I am<\/p>\n

from all of you.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

How curious,<\/p>\n

the pull to turn back.<\/p>\n

To step through the window.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Storms Over Red Wing<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Mostly land and wind here.<\/p>\n

Barns, silos, woodframe houses<\/p>\n

float on a sea of plowed fields.<\/p>\n

It’s the last of winter,<\/p>\n

not quite spring.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A storm’s blown in tonight,<\/p>\n

gusts slashing the house, crashing<\/p>\n

the dead aspen onto the dairy shed roof.<\/p>\n

Thunder rattles the loose sash<\/p>\n

in the kitchen window.<\/p>\n

Lightning rips tears in the black sky-plain above.<\/p>\n

Out on the highway, semis like barges<\/p>\n

navigate the channels<\/p>\n

between undulating gray hills,<\/p>\n

cloaked in rain.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

That roof will need repair tomorrow,<\/p>\n

that tree hauled away.<\/p>\n

The downpour’s flooded the garden, muddied the road.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But it’s welcome in the fields<\/p>\n

where crops wait,<\/p>\n

like hope, to green and grow.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Guest<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

The clock in the hall marks<\/p>\n

each drowsing hour,<\/p>\n

and the housecat keeps watch.<\/p>\n

Tucked under a warm blanket<\/p>\n

and pastel sheets, I sleep and dream.<\/p>\n

In the morning, there’s coffee<\/p>\n

and quiet conversation,<\/p>\n

here with my family that isn’t blood<\/p>\n

but family the same.<\/p>\n

We’ll sit on the porch in the sun<\/p>\n

and watch for the rabbit that lives in the yard<\/p>\n

as it travels its wild route<\/p>\n

through the garden, under the steps<\/p>\n

where the tulips will bloom,<\/p>\n

and up on the deck, to stand<\/p>\n

and watch us, twitching its velvet ears.<\/p>\n

Looking me over,<\/p>\n

learning who I am, adding me to the roster<\/p>\n

of who is welcome here.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Don\u2019t Wake Me at a Certain Hour<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

If the day is gray, open a door.<\/p>\n

I want to taste the mist of the day<\/p>\n

I\u2019m about to live in.<\/p>\n

It could be a mess, but that\u2019s enough<\/p>\n

for me.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want anything certain<\/p>\n

in the early hours.\u00a0 I\u2019m busy untangling.<\/p>\n

If you wake me while I\u2019m lost in<\/p>\n

whatever I\u2019m trying to learn,<\/p>\n

nothing will make sense.<\/p>\n

Me, you, where we think we are,<\/p>\n

why I broke the window or you<\/p>\n

my heart \u2013 nothing will cohere.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Not Dead, But Not Quite Living   I use time between departures to worry about you, the way we left it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1566,77],"tags":[1577,1567,1123],"class_list":["post-14259","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-72","category-english","tag-carolyn-adams","tag-egophobia-72","tag-english"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-3HZ","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14259","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14259"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14259\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14260,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14259\/revisions\/14260"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14259"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=14259"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=14259"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}