de Doru Chirodea<\/p>\n
Dou\u0103 babe \u00een tramvai<\/strong><\/p>\n – Ioi, tu Jadranka, vezi tu, aici \u00een Teme\u015fvar, aici la Elisabetin, at\u00e2ta frumos era odat. Tot casele vopsi\u0163i nou, tot cur\u01ce\u0163it szeip \u015fi fekete la trotoar ! Nu era aci, nici \u0163igan, nici rom\u00e2n nu era, numa c\u00e2\u0163iva slugi s\u00e2rbi ca tine era. Ioi tu, acuma uit\u01ce-te \u015fi tu draga !<\/p>\n – Ooh, \u015ftii mata domna Ilonka, \u015ftii mata cum spus rom\u00e2n demult demult ? Torna fratre, torna ! spus el. \u015ei el tot torna torna \u00een pahar \u015fi tot torna \u015fi b\u0103ut el \u015fi pie pie \u015fi vezi dumitale unde am ajuns noi cu \u01cesta rumun.<\/p>\n – Da, da, \u015fi torna \u00eend\u01cer\u01cet \u015fi fuge el \u015fi nu uitat \u00eenapoi, numa fuje ca la\u015f. \u015ei \u015fi la comunist turnat roman pe Ilonka c\u01ce eu avut multe aur \u015fi argint.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n 5AM<\/strong><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Cobor din tren la marginea Vienei<\/p>\n V\u00e2nt maxim la 5 cu minus<\/p>\n Blocuri comuniste \u00een jur<\/p>\n Vienezele r\u0103zbat prin frig plimb\u00e2ndu-\u0219i c\u00e2inii<\/p>\n Una gras\u0103 \u00eenf\u0103\u0219urat\u0103 standard \u00een shahib<\/p>\n Alta mai libertin\u0103 doar \u00een nikab<\/p>\n C\u00e2inii, neru\u0219ina\u021bii, goi pu\u0219c\u0103<\/p>\n Plutind \u00een v\u0103zduhul \u00eenghe\u021bat, o cioar\u0103 m\u0103 simte nesigur<\/p>\n \u0218i m\u0103 cronc\u0103ne la mi\u0219to<\/p>\n O or\u0103 de per pedes \u0219i ajung la adresa X<\/p>\n La poart\u0103, din copacul \u00een\u021bepenit \u00een iarn\u0103<\/p>\n M\u0103 fi\u0219cure un pi\u021bigoi r\u0103zle\u021b<\/p>\n \u00cen timp ce futea de zor un sticlete<\/p>\n Undeva printre pene, era o pat\u0103 de s\u00e2nge<\/p>\n Da’ n-am v\u0103zut-o<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Spa\u021biu negativ<\/strong><\/p>\n Era o var\u0103 minunat\u0103. Eu inspect\u00e2nd NYC-ul prin 85. Plimbare aproape romantic\u0103 printre buruienile bitumate din Central Park.<\/p>\n \u0218i-i zic, hai p\u00e2n la \u0103\u0219tia la muzeu, c\u0103-i aici l\u00e2ng\u0103, la doi pa\u0219i.<\/p>\n Intr\u0103m la muzeu pe la 3PM. Sute, mii, de capodopere, \u021bi-ar fi trebuit<\/p>\n trei\u0219pe vie\u021bi s\u0103 te tot minunezi dou\u0103 minute la fiecare chestie.<\/p>\n Dup\u0103 o or\u0103, zic, totul are o limit\u0103 frate \u0219i propun, hai \u00een pula mea s\u0103 facem o pauz\u0103, s\u0103 bem o bere.<\/p>\n \u00centreb paznicul care p\u0103zea pe\u0219tele lu Br\u00e2ncu\u0219i, unde-i birtu.<\/p>\n Cic\u0103 \u00een gr\u0103dina interioar\u0103. Dou\u0103 etaje mai jos, drept \u00eenainte, o st\u00e2ng\u0103 dup\u0103 Dali \u0219i-i chiar \u00een fa\u021b\u0103, o s\u0103 vezi o capr\u0103.<\/p>\n Thank you Sir!<\/p>\n Zis \u0219i f\u0103cut. Jos de dou\u0103 ori, Dali la st\u00e2nga, capra \u00een fa\u021b\u0103, dou\u0103 beri.<\/p>\n \u0218i cum eram la a \u0219aptea bere plus cea de fa\u021b\u0103 pe ziua respectiv\u0103, \u00eemi venea s\u0103 pipi.<\/p>\n A\u0219a s-a nimerit c\u0103 numai masa de l\u00e2ng\u0103 capra X fusese liber\u0103. \u00cen imensa mea \u00een\u021belepciune m\u0103 tot \u00eentrebam ce fras caut\u0103 capra aia acolo.<\/p>\n \u0218i-ntreb chelneri\u021ba, unde-o fi toaleta. Trei etaje mai sus, st\u00e2nga dup\u0103 Le Douanier \u0219i a patra u\u0219\u0103 la dreapta.<\/p>\n Thanks!<\/p>\n E clar, e imposibil. M\u0103 uit spre capr\u0103, un boschet l\u00e2ng\u0103 ea, dac\u0103 m\u0103 tirez juma de metru de pe scaun, nu m\u0103 vede nime \u0219i pi\u0219\u00e2ndu-m\u0103 pe capr\u0103 nici nu se aude nimic.<\/p>\n \u00centr-un moment propice, m\u0103 glisez spre capr\u0103, m\u0103 pi\u0219 pe ea \u0219i revin \u00een pozi\u021bia de client cuminte.<\/p>\n Ok, mai bem dou\u0103 beri \u0219i-i spun fetei ce servea, fain\u0103 capr\u0103 ave\u021bi aici.<\/p>\n Da, e o chestie de Picasso.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Sub\u021birica<\/strong><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Am fost o scroaf\u0103.<\/p>\n La \u00eenceput am fost o purcelu\u0219\u0103 inocent\u0103 \u0219i ne\u0219tiutoare \u00een de-ale vie\u021bii.<\/p>\n Cu timpul am realizat c\u0103 nu numai porcii sunt porci ci \u0219i c\u0103 oamenii sunt ni\u0219te porci.<\/p>\n C\u00e2nd f\u0103cusem 7 luni am avut primul noroc. \u00cen loc s\u0103 fiu dus\u0103 la abator ca s\u0103 fiu ucis\u0103 am fost \u021binut\u0103 \u00een via\u021b\u0103 ca scroaf\u0103 de pr\u0103sil\u0103.<\/p>\n Eram 17 ele, care ne ocupam cu f\u0103tatul \u0219i al\u0103ptatul \u0219i un el, care ne futea de 2 ori pe an.<\/p>\n Pe vier \u00eel chema Gaghi. Gaghi era un b\u0103iat fain, aproape c\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eendr\u0103gostisem de el. Era bl\u00e2nd \u0219i enorm.<\/p>\n Se zvonea prin imensa cocin\u0103 c\u0103 Gaghi are un penis mirific dar eu personal nu i-am v\u0103zut niciodat\u0103 pu\u021ba fiindc\u0103 el mi-o tr\u0103gea numai pe la spate \u0219i deci n-aveam cum s\u0103 i-o v\u0103d dar fetele din boxele vecine mi-au spus c\u0103 ele au observat c\u0103 pu\u021bulica lui Gaghi era \u00een form\u0103 de tirbu\u0219on \u0219i eu cu aia-n mine p\u0103ream a fi o sticl\u0103 de vin.<\/p>\n Era un dulce, m\u0103 penetra cu mare grij\u0103, parc\u0103 atent ca nu cumva s\u0103 m\u0103 r\u0103neasc\u0103 \u0219i c\u00e2nd era peste mine icnea oarecum comp\u0103timitor dar \u0219i al dracului de pasional.<\/p>\n Am tr\u0103it aproape 6 ani. \u00cen ultimii mei 5 ani am f\u0103tat de 10 ori. Cam 10 purcei pe tur\u0103 deci 20 pe an. Am produs 100 de vie\u021bi care au ajuns gr\u0103tare \u0219i felurite ciorbe sorbite de \u0103\u0219tia cu 2 picioare.<\/p>\n La un moment dat Gaghi a disp\u0103rut. \u00cen locul lui a ap\u0103rut un alt vier. Se numea Tolstoi. Era exact opusul lui Gaghi. O brut\u0103 \u0219i un nesim\u021bit, care practic m\u0103 viola. Schimbarea asta mi-a adus pieirea.<\/p>\n \u00centr-o zi, c\u00e2nd iar eram \u00een c\u0103lduri, vine dobitocul de Tolstoi, \u0219i-o bag\u0103 \u00een mine \u0219i m\u0103-mpinge at\u00e2t de violent \u00een zidul boxei \u00eenc\u00e2t \u00eemi rupe piciorul st\u00e2ng din fa\u021b\u0103.<\/p>\n Fractur\u0103 deschis\u0103. M\u0103 infectez, fac septicemie, m\u0103 \u00eenvine\u021besc, m\u0103 alb\u0103stresc \u0219i cr\u0103p.<\/p>\n \u00cen ziua mor\u021bii mele c\u00e2nt\u0103ream 166 de kilograme a\u0219a c\u0103 3 oameni m-au t\u00e2r\u00e2t cam 166 de metri p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00eentr-un fost canal de iriga\u021bii la marginea satului.<\/p>\n Deci moart\u0103 \u0219i aruncat\u0103 \u00een \u0219an\u021b.<\/p>\n Peste noapte au venit ni\u0219te \u021bigani din satul vecin \u0219i mi-au decupat pulpele din spate \u0219i le-au c\u0103rat acas\u0103 ca s\u0103-\u0219i fac\u0103 \u0219onc.<\/p>\n Apoi au venit c\u00e2inii \u0219i au m\u00e2ncat restul c\u0103rnii de pe mine.<\/p>\n Apoi m-au m\u00e2ncat viermii.<\/p>\n Apoi m-am \u00eempu\u021bit \u0219i descompus complet \u0219i n-a mai r\u0103mas absolut nimic din Sub\u021birica.<\/p>\n Eu am ap\u0103rut \u0219i disp\u0103rut \u00eentr-o zi ca oricare alta.<\/p>\n Dar v\u0103 spun.<\/p>\n Am fost \u0219i eu un suflet.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" de Doru Chirodea Dou\u0103 babe \u00een tramvai – Ioi, tu Jadranka, vezi tu, aici \u00een Teme\u015fvar, aici la Elisabetin, at\u00e2ta frumos era odat. Tot casele vopsi\u0163i nou, tot cur\u01ce\u0163it szeip \u015fi fekete la trotoar ! Nu era aci, nici \u0163igan, nici rom\u00e2n nu era, numa c\u00e2\u0163iva slugi s\u00e2rbi ca tine era. Ioi tu, acuma uit\u01ce-te […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1676,83],"tags":[1648,1677,1124],"class_list":["post-15054","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-78","category-experiment","tag-doru-chirodea","tag-egophobia-78","tag-experiment"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-3UO","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15054","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15054"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15054\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15057,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15054\/revisions\/15057"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15054"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15054"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15054"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}