{"id":15317,"date":"2024-06-13T14:47:30","date_gmt":"2024-06-13T12:47:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=15317"},"modified":"2024-06-15T14:48:49","modified_gmt":"2024-06-15T12:48:49","slug":"fragments","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=15317","title":{"rendered":"fragments"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Doru Chirodea<\/p>\n

44.<\/p>\n

Killin time last night in me crib. By chance, a friend of mine, a surgeon from Munich Germany, drops by.<\/p>\n

So, I go, you kinda butcher, right?<\/p>\n

Yeah bro, most of \u2018m don\u2019t make it coz I am usually busy on my phone with one of my future eXs. Only last month, about 7 dudes kicked da bucket by the time I hung up.<\/p>\n

And?<\/p>\n

And for instance, the other day, I return from the toilet into the operation theatre and the anesthesia guy cries, Doc the patient croaked.<\/p>\n

Call the morgue.<\/p>\n

So, we laughed our asses off all night long.<\/p>\n

And?<\/p>\n

And nothing man, it turns out, life ain\u2019t for everybody.<\/p>\n

\n

55.<\/p>\n

Once\u2026 back in the day<\/p>\n

I was supposed to be the getaway car driver for a bank heist in Chicago.<\/p>\n

So, there I went with the guys and waited and kept waiting and waited parked half a block away from the bank and the imminent dead cashiers and most bank guards gone to heaven and of course, my big time $ bounty cut.<\/p>\n

After 3 long hours\u2026<\/p>\n

A Rasta dude passes by my car, stops, turns around and says to me:<\/p>\n

Hey mahn, come to think ov it, are you the dumb ass waiting on the robbery?<\/p>\n

Yes bro, kinda am!<\/p>\n

Well, m tellin you brethren, while having my burger in the fast food joint here at the corner near the bank, willy-nilly I overheard 3 guys laughing and saying there\u2019s a Romanian dimwit in a red car down the street who never understood they only needed a ride to Burger King.<\/p>\n

\n

50.<\/p>\n

My doppelg\u00e4nger brother is my lover<\/p>\n

My sister wears a goat smile ever since she joined the Tonton Makout<\/p>\n

My father murders various fellers just for da heck of it<\/p>\n

My mother was deemed DOA right before the invention of time<\/p>\n

My son is a cow tipping world champ<\/p>\n

My daughter feeds marmalade to her erogenous mole cricket pet<\/p>\n

As of me, I can\u2019t tell whether I left, or right<\/p>\n

Or I\u2019d better morph into 1 Nina Hagen with 2 dicks<\/p>\n

\n

56.<\/p>\n

The K\u00fcfeci Principle<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

Of course we don\u2019t know what we don\u2019t know<\/p>\n

But<\/p>\n

Meticulously applying the k\u00fcfeci principle to your mode of not knowing or not thinking might save your sorry ass<\/p>\n

The k\u00fcfeci principle (TKP) posits no philosophical solution per se<\/p>\n

Yet<\/p>\n

By its unimpressive uniqueness it improves your chances of you becoming a lesser bozo<\/p>\n

TKP postulates the following:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. All true illusions are true<\/li>\n
  2. Sniffing 7 coke lines in Paris at 3AM will prevent you from visiting the Louvre that day<\/li>\n
  3. Only your garbage man knows what your problem is<\/li>\n
  4. Wakefulness is a waste of time<\/li>\n
  5. You are a biological accident and even your mum knows it<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Good luck!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    by Doru Chirodea 44. Killin time last night in me crib. By chance, a friend of mine, a surgeon from Munich Germany, drops by. So, I go, you kinda butcher, right?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1705,83],"tags":[1648,1706,1123,1124],"class_list":["post-15317","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-81","category-experiment","tag-doru-chirodea","tag-egophobia-81","tag-english","tag-experiment"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-3Z3","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15317","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15317"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15317\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15318,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15317\/revisions\/15318"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15317"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15317"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15317"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}