by Douglas Young<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Keaton\u2019s excitement grew the closer he got to his friend Zita\u2019s place. She and her roommates were throwing a house-warming party that Friday night, and Keaton hoped to see many buddies from high school and college, including several not seen in years. Lost in an unfamiliar neighborhood, the twenty-six-year-old tried an old college trick when he stopped the car, rolled down the windows, and turned off the radio. Sure enough, he heard the distant beat of loud music, smiled, and simply followed the sound. His smile widened before a slew of parked cars and young people in the driveway and back yard of a fully lit home \u2013 in more ways than one<\/em>, he mused. <\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Walking toward the house, he was greeted by many school pals. It heartened him to be far from the only one still in their university town.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Soon Zita came out of the carport to give him a hug and kiss.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI knew you\u2019d show up, shug,\u201d she exclaimed.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOf course, I would,\u201d he replied. Admiring her in a new blue dress, he added, \u201cAnd Mr. Kenny is one mighty blessed gentleman.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAw, aren\u2019t you sweet?\u201d She beamed. \u201cThat deserves another hug, sure enough, and I\u2019m gon\u2019 be sure and remind my man of that too,\u201d she remarked as she embraced him again. \u201cOh, and look what I\u2019ve got, sweetie. Your ginger ale.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 His face lit up. \u201cThank you, precious. Now folks won\u2019t be trying to shove beers at me all night and ask why I don\u2019t drink.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m just the hostess who thinks of you the mostest,\u201d she remarked. \u201cWhere\u2019s Miss Janessa? No trouble in Paradise, I hope.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOh, no. She\u2019s just visiting her folks this weekend. Unfortunately, she\u2019d already committed to going home before she got your invitation. But she sends her best regards,\u201d he reported.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI totally understand. Things have been so hectic with the move and everything that we were really late getting out the invites. Now if you\u2019ll please excuse me, hon, I need to welcome some more folks, but I\u2019ll see you later, love.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThanks, babe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Keaton then noticed his high school classmate Huey standing before him with a grin. Keaton had long been jealous of his old pal for appearing utterly laid back. In fact, he had never seen or heard of Huey studying or making much effort toward anything, and it was quite a surprise when he graduated from the university. That his degree was in \u201cLeisure Studies\u201d seemed entirely apropos. Though Huey had never struck him as particularly handsome or charming, he had always been amazed at how successful Huey was with the ladies, apparently his proudest achievement.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHuey! How goes it in horny Hueyville?\u201d Keaton shook his hand.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThe hound dog\u2019s been on the hunt and has met with considerable success.\u201d Huey reported with a raised beer.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cUh-oh. Everybody lock up your daughters.\u201d Keaton chuckled. \u201cDating anybody steady?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAin\u2019t got time. These women won\u2019t let me. I tell you, there\u2019s entirely way too much demand. Hell, I\u2019m just trying to accommodate as many as I can.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cGood Lord, Huey. You got an agent or something? You sound like you should be a professional escort.\u201d Keaton laughed.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHey, now that there\u2019s something to think about, sure enough. Why let the chicks have a corner on that market?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cSo how does a working man like you accommodate all these women? Your house must be some kind of a revolving-door love shack.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cShoot, half the time we don\u2019t even make it home. Yeah, with my latest lady, I punched her ticket in Grandaddy\u2019s Camero behind the Piggly Wiggly.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cTouching.\u201d Keaton remarked.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWith the one before her, I checked her box in the balcony of the Downtown Dixie Cinema.\u201d \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cShoot, matinee, of course. It\u2019s way too expensive at night.\u201d Huey looked at him as if the question was absurd. \u201cThen, with the one before her, I laundered her shorts in Tranquility Grove Cemetery. And if that gal didn\u2019t wake up the dead that night, nothing ever will.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re just an incurable romantic, Huey.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI aim to please.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAnd really cheap dates too, no?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cCan\u2019t afford pricey ones, bro. My hip gets to hurting something terrible if we go to one of them high-priced chow joints or a show. You go down that road and pretty soon we\u2019re talking real money.\u201d He smiled as he slapped the wallet in his back hip pocket.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI still envy the heck out of you, man. Must be mighty nice amidst all that sugar and spice.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWell, it\u2019s a heavy load but somebody\u2019s gotta\u2019 bear it,\u201d he declared, hoisting his beer.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Keaton wandered around the back yard waving at and chatting with a variety of friends and acquaintances. It was a comfort that most seemed to be doing well and a revelation that a few had started families of their own. But it was sad to learn how many lives had already hurtled off the tracks into a swamp of drink, drugs, or divorce, and often all three. Also sobering was how rapidly several classmates were aging and putting on weight. But he tried to stay positive.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Suddenly, Zita\u2019s hand was on his shoulder and she wore a serious face. \u201cGuess who\u2019s looking for you, sweetie?\u201d Her eyes widened and lips tightened.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cNo idea,\u201d he replied.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t look to your left, but it\u2019s Lyric \u2026 and she\u2019s alone \u2026 and she\u2019s been drinking.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled as Zita put her arm around him.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWant me to steer her away?\u201d she asked. \u201cI couldn\u2019t not invite her as long as we\u2019ve been friends.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cNo, no. I totally understand. It\u2019s no problem.\u201d He sighed again and looked at the ground. \u201cIt\u2019s my problem. This was bound to happen and I\u2019m sure it\u2019ll occur again. So I just need to man up and deal with it. I\u2019m glad Janessa\u2019s not here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cUm-hum. Ditto that for sure. Well, I just wanted to warn you. Now you be sure and let me know if there\u2019s any trouble and I\u2019ll talk to her. It\u2019ll be all right. She doesn\u2019t seem angry at all. Especially since Ray ain\u2019t with her and she\u2019s by herself, I\u2019d say she\u2019s hoping to hook up with you.\u201d He raised his head to the stars, shook it, and sighed. \u201cNow, Keaton, you know I love Lyric, and Lord knows that girl and I\u2019ve been through a whole lot together. But no matter how sweet and sexy she comes on to you,\u201d she tapped her finger into his chest and squinted her eyes close to his, \u201cyou just remember how she cheated on you and all that hurt she put you through. You got a great thing going with Miss Janessa. So don\u2019t you dare blow it, you hear?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cNo way,\u201d he declared while vigorously shaking his head. \u201cThanks, Zita \u2013 a lot.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 As soon as she turned to welcome new arrivals and he veered right to avoid the person he least wanted to see, he heard his name called and instantly knew the voice unleashing a flock of butterflies in his stomach. It was a strange mix of dread coupled with undeniable excitement, and he resolved to avoid a public scene, as well as any seduction.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cKeaton!\u201d Lyric called again a few feet away with her hands behind her back, head lowered, and large puppy dog eyes aimed up at him. \u201cHow\u2019s my sweet Keatty?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOkay,\u201d Keaton answered turning to her before remembering to smile. \u201cHow goes it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Her black hair was fuller, curlier, and longer than when he last saw her in passing two months before, and adorned with a hot pink flower above her right ear just the way he loved it. She also filled out his favorite red halter top. She even wore the turquoise belly button ring he used to kiss, above the white shorts and long, tan legs he had stared at so many times. At the risk of flattering himself, he figured her entire look was chosen just for him. At least there would apparently not be another argument. But this is worse<\/em>, he reasoned. If she got angry again, he could just leave. But now he sensed that he might face a tipsy, highly emotional, and self-pitying former girlfriend intent on winning him back. Keep thinking of Janessa<\/em>, he repeated to himself emphatically.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Lyric looked at him with a slowly growing grin. He could not help but smile and admire how extraordinarily attractive he still found her, in spite of everything.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Emboldened, and with a canny intuition he respected and feared, she clasped her hands in front of her and stood on her toes.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI need a hug,\u201d she said in a meek voice with an exaggerated pout, blinking eyes, and a little smile, relieved he was no longer too angry to speak to her.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAll right.\u201d He laughed out of nervousness, relief she was in her sweet mode, and resigned respect for an ace manipulator. If his public strength was academic success, hers was her fine looks and savvy sense of exactly how to use them.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 They embraced and he luxuriated in that perfume he adored the most but would not get Janessa for fear it would remind him of Lyric. Am I an egotist or did she completely plan this for me?<\/em> He wondered. But he also smelled alcohol, as if the gorgeous girl of his dreams was now poisoned. When she would not let go of him, he began to worry that others would notice and word could get back to Janessa. Worse, he felt himself aroused.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cFolks will start to talk, Lyric.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cLet \u2019em!\u201d she proclaimed and pulled him tighter. He wondered if he would need to wash his shirt to get rid of the smell of perfume and booze.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI ain\u2019t ashamed of who I love,\u201d she told him with her chin raised defiantly a few inches from his face. He felt his body tingle and recalled the thrill of their first kiss before an image of Janessa appeared and he gently pulled away from her.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI appreciate that, Lyric. That\u2019s very kind\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s not being kind. I\u2019m just telling the truth,\u201d she interrupted with a sad but hopeful smile. \u201cYou look good, Keaton, and I like how you\u2019ve let your hair grow out.\u201d She smiled as she ran her hands through it. \u201cI told you how much better you look when you don\u2019t cut it so short. Now<\/em> you finally listen to me.\u201d She cocked her head with a mischievous pout.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThanks. You\u2019re certainly as stunning as ever,\u201d he said and immediately regretted it. What would Janessa say if she heard that?<\/em> he asked himself.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAw, big thanks, my sweet Keatty. I\u2019m glad you still notice \u2026 and care.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He swallowed, smiled faintly, and looked at the ground, knowing she could tell how nervous he was, a state she loved to manipulate.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve missed you, sweetheart, more than you\u2019ll ever know,\u201d she said in a softer, plaintive voice as she put her arms around his head before he quickly removed them. He reminded himself he was no longer as shy and malleable as he was a year ago when she burst into his life like a tornado.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 After loudly sighing and looking away, she turned to him again and asked without affectation, \u201cTell me true, Keaton. Have you missed me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He blinked and was touched, despite his pride not wanting to admit such to her of all people. It was a revelation to be so moved by her in spite of all the tumult she had inflicted on his heretofore predictably stable universe, culminating in a deeply hurtful betrayal that upped his anti-depressant pill intake. The dosage had only recently been reduced now that he was so pleased with his new relationship with Janessa. Yet he was overwhelmed at how the woman who hurt him more than anyone could still fill him with that drowsy, dreamy feeling that life could somehow be wonderful.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 After all the times he had rehearsed at length precisely what he would say to Lyric should she ever try to talk with him again, he suddenly felt too tired to recite all the things she deserved to hear. Instead, he recalled the long break-up letter he sent and just yearned for peace to prevail. Life felt plenty hard enough without additional conflict, and he was startled at the allure his ex-girlfriend continued to hold for him.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYou still have some warm feelings for me, Keatty? I meant it when I said how sorry I was about the way things ended between us. I never wanted that to happen. I swear.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOh, it just happened, did it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry, babe. I really am. I so <\/em>wish I could take it all back. You have no idea.\u201d She looked down and then back into his eyes. He thought she might get emotional and her glassy eyes told him she had already had who knew how many beers. Not wanting an argument, especially when she was too vulnerable, he tried to be magnanimous, reminding himself that her cheating may have been a blessing enabling him to be with dear Janessa, the best girlfriend he had ever known, even if Lyric remained the most enticing and exciting.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI know,\u201d he responded, hoping to preclude any tears, especially in front of others.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cReally?\u201d She looked at him surprised. \u201cYou forgive me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Recalling all the times he had asked that of a parent or friend he had wronged, and the acute anxiety of waiting for a reply, he sought to comfort her.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYes\u2026. I do. I know you didn\u2019t mean to hurt me.\u201d He sighed and looked down before meeting her eyes. \u201cYou may be a lot of things, Lyric, but you\u2019re not mean. I know you\u2019d never want to hurt me, and I hope I\u2019m not mean either. So I certainly don\u2019t want you to feel guilty or beat yourself up about it. I\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Her eyes welling with tears, she embraced him again.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOh, baby, you have no idea how much that means to me,\u201d she declared. \u201cI\u2019ve felt so badly about how I treated you. You didn\u2019t deserve that, especially you, the best beau I ever had. Oh, you don\u2019t know what a big weight you just lifted off my shoulders, love.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 To avoid a maudlin scene and worried how powerful her pull over him remained, he desperately sought to turn down the emotional volume.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s okay. It\u2019s okay,\u201d was all he could think to say as he gently tried to untangle them.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cCan we please talk?\u201d She looked at him desperately with tears in her already cloudy eyes. Eager to avoid any more public discomfort, he relented, though he fretted it may have also been at least partly due to desire.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAll right, but not here. I can barely hear you with all the music and chatter,\u201d he noted before seeing Zita several feet away. Asked if there was someplace quieter they could go, she took them into the house and led them to her bedroom where Keaton was relieved to see a sofa. As Zita closed the door, he thought she gave him another look of fair warning.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 When Lyric moved toward the bed, Keaton quickly sat down on the sofa and she did the same, one foot under her thigh. She looked into his eyes and held his gaze. It both touched and unnerved him that she was reading him, all the more so since she knew him very well. In the nine months they were a couple, he had opened up to her like no one in his life, not even any psychiatrist. He felt emotionally naked before her and hoped she could not tell how much he still desired her. He also sensed she was fully aware of how much it meant to him to play the strong man comforting a lady in distress.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve wanted to talk with you for so long, Keaton. You\u2019ll never know how many times I started to call or text, but figured you might be with Janessa and didn\u2019t want to risk causing any trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThank you, Lyric. That was mighty thoughtful of you and is much appreciated.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cSo have you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHave I what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHave you missed me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He feared she would cry if he said \u201cNo,\u201d and he just felt like being honest.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cSure.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAw\u2026. That makes me feel so good.\u201d Already sitting closer than he wanted, Lyric took his hand in both of hers, prompting his chest to tighten at the thought of Janessa\u2019s reaction and what she might very well soon hear from other partygoers.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cLyric, I appreciate how sweet you\u2019re being \u2013 truly \u2013 but I\u2019m super uncomfortable just being alone in the same room \u2013 bed<\/em>room \u2013 with you.\u201d She put her hands to her mouth to stifle a laugh. \u201cI keep thinking how Janessa would feel if she could see us, and how I\u2019d feel if the roles were reversed. And exactly how do you think Ray would react?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t care. He can go screw himself. I\u2019m better off without him.\u201d She looked away with a scowl.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYeah, easy for you to say. He\u2019d just break up with you, but then maybe come beat me up or even shoot me. Have you seen his gun collection?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYou worry too much, Keatty.\u201d She laughed. \u201cWhen you were with me, you said yourself you stopped fretting so. I even got you to stop seeing that stupid shrink. Yeah, just think of all the money I saved you with that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cSure, and then add all the additional shrink visits and increased prescription bills since you betrayed me with a life-long friend \u2013 excuse me, former<\/em> friend.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Keaton,\u201d she declared as her shoulders slumped. \u201cI truly am. Oh, how I wish I could take it all back and make it up to you, babe. I really do.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cCare to help pay for the therapy sessions and prescription bills since you left me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI would if I could afford to,\u201d she looked at him and squeezed his hand. He realized how hot and sweaty he was, and noticed her long-nailed, elegant fingers caressing his hand.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re letting me hold your hand,\u201d she said hopefully with a slight smile that grew as she lowered her head in front of their hands to look up at him, prompting Keaton to smile and quickly look away.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI still think someone has some feelings for me,\u201d she stated with a raised eyebrow.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m a mix of emotions.\u201d He sighed. \u201cI admit it. What do you expect of me, Lyric? We were together for nine months in the most intense relationship of my life. It was quite a roller-coaster ride, good and<\/em> bad, and now my super pretty ex who left me suddenly swoops back into my life all lovey-dovey holding my hand and appearing to want me back. I don\u2019t know what I feel, Lyric. What do you want from me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cFirst of all, I didn\u2019t leave you. You<\/em> broke up with me.<\/em> I was forced out of your life\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cBecause you slept with one of my best friends!\u201d he exclaimed before looking at the bedroom door to make sure it was closed.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI know,\u201d she said in a lower tone. \u201cGod knows how many times I\u2019ve replayed that in my mind and wished it never happened. But it did.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThere you go again with that it just \u2018happened\u2019 routine. You made it happen, Lyric. Or did he rape you? And if he did, then how come you\u2019re still with him three months later? Huh?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cNo, he didn\u2019t rape me,\u201d she said softly, looked down, and sighed. \u201cBut like I told you, I was drunk, and you know how I lose control when I drink too much.\u201d She looked up again, defiant and pleading.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cLike tonight? Now? What would Ray say? In fact, exactly what do you want, Lyric. I don\u2019t under\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI want you, dummy. Don\u2019t you understand? Stop thinking so much for a change, Mr. Smarty Pants, and just feel. I got you to do that a lot more when we were together and you said many times you were the happiest you\u2019d ever been. We can have that again, Keatty. I\u2019ve learned my lesson. Please believe me. I have. I screwed up \u2013 literally, I know.\u201d She rolled her eyes. \u201cBut I did and Ray\u2019s a mistake who I never would have stayed with if you\u2019d somehow found it in your heart to forgive me. And I know you had every right to leave me and I likely would\u2019ve too but I don\u2019t want Ray, baby. I want you<\/em>. I always did. You always told me I was the best gal you ever had. Well, you\u2019re the best boy I ever had, and by far. I want you, back, Keatty. We can make this work. I know<\/em> we can.\u201d She squeezed his hand.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Despite all the logical counterpoints his head wanted to make, he felt his heart melt and turned from her gaze and their hands to look at the wall. Was I too harsh judging her for a single one-night stand?<\/em> He asked himself. Perhaps Ray was never really a real friend at all to have done what he did, and maybe he did take advantage of her drunkenness. Could I have over-reacted? Yes, Janessa\u2019s been lovely, but I never felt so alive and confident and \u2026 happy as I was with Lyric \u2013 at times.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cDeep down, I know you still want me,\u201d she said with a growing assurance that made him cringe at an image of a heartbroken Janessa. Desiring Lyric but desperately not wanting to hurt Janessa or himself in the long run, he recalled Zita\u2019s warning and tried to steel himself against any seduction.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Suddenly the bedroom door opened and a giggling couple they did not recognize appeared.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cGet the hell out!\u201d Lyric shouted, startling the guests who quickly shut the door.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s okay, Lyric. They didn\u2019t know anybody was here,\u201d Keaton said getting up to lock the door.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cBullshit! They saw a closed door with the light on inside.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s all right. Let\u2019s forget it, and the door\u2019s now locked.\u201d He sat back down and she enveloped his hand in both of hers again.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI still love you, Keaton,\u201d she said. \u201cIn spite of all the bitterness of the breakup and all the hurtful things you said in that letter that made me cry so.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI know you had every right to write that and leave me, but I\u2019ve had three months to think about everything and I\u2019ve realized for a long time that hooking up with Ray was the stupidest, worst mistake of my whole romantic life, and I just so want you back, babe, and I\u2019m a better person now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI appreciate that, Lyric, I really do. That\u2019s very sweet\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m just telling the truth, love,\u201d she said with a raised voice while shaking his hand. \u201cI still love you, Keaton. Do you still love me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He looked at the floor and then the walls. She started to smile at him and then the smile left but would come again.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI still have strong feelings for you,\u201d he finally mustered and her smile returned. \u201cIs it love? I know I felt more intensely for you than I ever have with anyone else and, it\u2019s true, I\u2019ve never been happier than when I was with you \u2013 at times. And I am grateful to you for that, Lyric. I know I definitely still care about you and would help you if you needed me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI do, baby, and I can make you happy again too. I know it. I\u2019ll be a more mature, better babe.\u201d She grinned at him. \u201cAnd you\u2019re still letting me hold your hand.\u201d She winked and giggled.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He could not help but chuckle and look at her, shaking his head at her now cocksure expression. Suddenly he felt her bare foot moving up his leg as a sly grin graced her face.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cBet you and little Miss Janessa\u2019ve never had the kind of sex we had, huh? Now tell me true, Keatty.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 At the mention of Janessa\u2019s name, a light switch came on and he removed Lyric\u2019s foot, prompting her to frown and sigh. Consumed with guilt, Keaton reminded himself how, though he had been with Janessa less than two months, the relationship had been truly lovely, refreshingly free of all the sudden explosive mood swings, tears, bouts of anger, drinking, and betrayal scarring his time with Lyric. Though not nearly as thrilling as Lyric \u2013 who was?<\/em> he asked himself — Janessa had been the least stressful girl he had ever dated, she had done far more than anyone to help him recover from his heartbreak, and he was now overwhelmed with shame for teetering so close to succumbing to Lyric\u2019s wiles. If I betray Janessa now, then I\u2019m no better than Lyric and Ray<\/em>. He winced.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Wanting to shift attention from himself, he looked at her again.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYou would betray Ray?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cFor you, hell yeah, \u2019cause Ray\u2019s a mistake and what we\u2019ve got is something really special. You\u2019re the love of my life, Keaton, and you know I\u2019m the love of yours or you wouldn\u2019t be here. And now you\u2019re letting me hold your hand again. You do love me, Keatty. I know it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI probably do.\u201d He started to say more but stopped and just looked at her with what struck her as a resigned expression. She still smiled and rubbed his hand.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThank you, Keatty. You\u2019ve always been honest with me. And as hurt and angry as I made you, and as proud as you are, I know that wasn\u2019t easy.\u201d Her smile became a grin and she moved forward to kiss him but he pulled away.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYou broke my heart!\u201d The words flew out like a knee jerking from a doctor\u2019s tap. He hoped he had not hurt her, but his head told him she needed to hear it, especially if she really wanted honesty, something he had learned the hard way was critical in a romantic relationship. For once, she said nothing. Finding the silence unbearable, he spoke.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cSo what\u2019s wrong with Ray anyway?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 She blinked. \u201cWe\u2019ve got issues.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWell, I have a pretty big trust issue with you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Pausing and looking away briefly, Lyric sighed before squinting at him. \u201cI swear<\/em> I\u2019ll never cheat on you again, Keaton. What more can I say?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhat difference does it make what you say, Lyric? You\u2019re just going to do whatever you want. You always do, however you rationalize it. You don\u2019t remember telling me how you cheated on all your other boyfriends too, but I was somehow different and you\u2019d never betray me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Her shoulders slumped and she looked at the floor, exhaling with a frown.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 For a second, he thought of Huey and wondered if he was actually being a self-righteous, major moron for turning down the chance to be with his voluptuous dream girl again. Then he recalled what his brother said when consoling him after the terrible breakup: \u201cGood-looking is an ice cream cone on a hot July afternoon.\u201d Janessa was not in Lyric\u2019s beauty league, but she was many lengths ahead in so many more important respects.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cLyric, I won\u2019t deny I still love you and care about you and will help you in any way I can. But as remarkable as our time together often was, I just don\u2019t think we should date again. You know I\u2019m an anxious depressive who doesn\u2019t handle stress well and \u2026 as awesome as our relationship could be, there was a heck of a lot of drama well before the breakup.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cNow I know you don\u2019t want to hear this, but I\u2019m telling you because I care about you, Lyric. I still think you may be manic depressive or bipolar and that getting diagnosed and treated could be such a Godsend for you. You also need to stop drinking. You know that better than anyone. In any event, I just desperately need stability, and my time with Janessa may not have had the highs that you and I reached, but it\u2019s the most even-keeled relationship I\u2019ve ever had, and she really rescued me when I was mired in a whole heap of hurt. I\u2019m sorry if this is painful, Lyric, and I\u2019m sorry if \u2026 sitting here with you and letting you hold my hand has led you on. But I can\u2019t betray Janessa and break her heart. I just can\u2019t. And I know this way is better \u2026 for everyone.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He had often looked away to avoid her sad countenance and he dreaded seeing any more tears, but now forced himself to face her, squeezing her hands with both of his.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Lyric had listened intently, her eyes never leaving his, and her face was blank. After a pause, she spoke.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAre you saying your relationship with Janessa is better than ours was?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He stared at her and found that he could not look away. Desperately not wanting to hurt her but determined to remain honest and not give any more mixed signals, he at last answered.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m just saying it\u2019s \u2026 healthier for me, babe. I\u2019m sorry. I mean you nothing but the best.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 She began to cry and did not hide her tears. Keaton embraced her and she sobbed on his shoulder. He stroked her hair and rubbed her back, rocking her slowly and telling her everything would work out. He had done this many times after she had worked herself into an emotional frenzy, often accelerated by alcohol. He would be left emotionally exhausted and then amazed at how quickly she usually bounced back. But this time felt worse.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Between sobs, she tried to speak. Each time he told her it would be okay.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m just sick of my life being such an endless damn bumper car game and always ending up losing everyone important to me. I try so hard, Keatty. I\u2019m a good person. I don\u2019t understand. I\u2019m so<\/em> lonely.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYou are<\/em> a good person and it doesn\u2019t have to be this way. You can get help, Lyric. You don\u2019t have to fight whatever\u2019s ailing you alone. You have a lot of friends willing to help and I\u2019m one of them.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 They held each other a long time until she stopped crying.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHere,\u201d he said handing her his handkerchief. \u201cNow it\u2019s almost completely clean. Just avoid that corner there.\u201d To his great relief, she chuckled and hugged him again before blowing her nose and wiping her face.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThere.\u201d She smiled returning the handkerchief. \u201cNow it\u2019s completely smeared with snot, tears, makeup, and mascara.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He gratefully chuckled, relieved the tension had plummeted at last. No longer fearing he might cheat on Janessa, and too drained to socialize with other party guests, but wanting to help his ex, he decided to take her home, recalling how some of the few times she would follow his lead came after a good cry.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m taking you home now, babe,\u201d he said standing up and extending his hand. Her eyes widened and she smiled broadly.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cTo put you to bed,\u201d he stated, prompting her to laugh.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWow. I shoulda\u2019 cried when I first saw you, Keatty.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHa, ha. You know what I mean. You\u2019re upset and you\u2019ve had too much beer to drive. So you can ride with me and I\u2019m sure Zita\u2019ll return your car tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThank you, Keatty,\u201d she said softly while getting up and hugging him again. As they walked out of the bedroom she tried to hold his hand but he quickly raised it to pat her back. They told Zita goodbye and walked to the street. When Lyric started to stumble, he held onto her arm until they got to the car.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAw. You still open the door for your old girlfriend.\u201d She smiled.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 On the drive, she stared at him. When he turned to her, she smiled and kept looking.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhat?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI miss how you always held my hand when driving.\u201d He looked at her and smiled. \u201cWe did lots of other things in this car too.\u201d She giggled.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAll right. Enough. Let\u2019s please change the subject.\u201d She laughed and looked ahead.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It struck him that this was their quietest car ride but he was not unnerved by the silence, confident they both felt better and he was doing a good deed.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 When they pulled up to her apartment, the thought of an angry Ray crossed his radar.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAh, is Ray here?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cGod, no. You think I\u2019d let him live with me?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOkay. I was just checking to see if I needed to make a fast getaway.\u201d She chuckled and smiled at him.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWell? Aren\u2019t you gonna\u2019 tuck me into bed?\u201d She laughed when he raised his eyebrows. \u201cThen at least walk me to the door.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s right in front of you, Lyric.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cSo? Then that\u2019s the least you could do. Don\u2019t get all aloof with me, Keatty. Hey, am I still the only one who calls you that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOnly you<\/em>\u2026.\u201d He sang the opening words to the 1955 Platters song, prompting a big grin from Lyric.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Walking the few steps to her apartment, he recalled doing so on their first date when he kissed her goodbye at the door and she pulled him inside to stay the night. He marveled at all they had been through since then before realizing this was the first anniversary of their initial date. Should I say anything?<\/em> he asked himself. Did she remember and is that why she made such a play for me tonight?<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 When she unlocked the door, he could not help himself.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cLyric, it just hit me. You know what today is?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cNo. Should I? What?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s the anniversary of our first date.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Her eyebrows jumped as her mouth fell open and her hands rose to her cheeks. \u201cSynchronicity, baby! That\u2019s why I was jonesing for you so all day. Wow. Thanks for telling me, Keatty.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m kind of hurt you didn\u2019t remember.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWell, come inside, babe, and let me make it up to you.\u201d She winked and opened the door wide.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThanks.\u201d He chuckled. \u201cI should head on. But I truly am glad we saw each other and I do feel a lot better and sure hope you do too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYeah, me too, and I do. Thanks, Keatty.\u201d They hugged and he let go first.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cNo goodbye kiss?\u201d She cooed with a flirty grin.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He smiled and hugged her tightly, holding her for many seconds and lifting her off her feet before waving goodbye.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThat was your best one yet, babe,\u201d she pronounced.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 When he cranked up the car, he saw her looking at him through her front window. He was a little disappointed she did not blow him a kiss. But she waved before closing the curtain.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He sighed deeply heading out the parking lot. What a night<\/em>, he reflected, as a mix of emotions followed him home. He definitely felt better about Lyric and no longer dreaded bumping into her around town. It was a genuine comfort not to be so angry at her, and he was relieved she was not upset with him either. He also acknowledged what a rush it had been to be pursued by her.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 But did I act honorably?<\/em> he asked himself. Though he resolved to tell Janessa about seeing Lyric and that they talked and he drove her home, he knew he would never divulge that they held hands, that he told her he still loved her, or a lot of other things said. Nor would he acknowledge how aroused and tempted he was. Though he harbored some guilt, the night felt good on the whole. I neither slept with nor even kissed her, and despite considerable temptation\u2026. Yeah, but I still held hands with her and hugged and held her a lot. How would Janessa feel if she knew that, and why won\u2019t I tell her? How would I feel if she did and said the same things with her last ex?<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He pondered some more. I definitely feel some real closure with Lyric, like I can finally move on without looking back with so much regret. It\u2019s a relief to be friends with her like with my other exes. Janessa wouldn\u2019t begrudge me that. She\u2019s friends with some of her exes too.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em>Though somewhat ambivalent, he felt pretty good about his conduct, some inconsistencies notwithstanding. Remember what so many therapists have said about how \u201cLife is messy\u201d and \u201cPerfection is neither the goal nor remotely attainable.\u201d Yeah, and maybe I\u2019m the one rationalizing now. <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 However conflicted, since he neither felt the knot in his stomach nor the tightening in his chest that came with strong guilt, he concluded he could live with his actions that evening.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He also looked forward to Janessa returning to town Sunday. It was as if he had finally closed the most thrilling but chaotic chapter of his life, and he relished his new girlfriend\u2019s reliability and lack of drama even more.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He sure would have plenty to share the next time he saw Dr. Konigsberg.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" by Douglas Young \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Keaton\u2019s excitement grew the closer he got to his friend Zita\u2019s place. She and her roommates were throwing a house-warming party that Friday night, and Keaton hoped to see many buddies from high school and college, including several not seen in years. Lost in an unfamiliar neighborhood, the twenty-six-year-old tried an […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1781,77],"tags":[1565,1782,1123],"class_list":["post-15784","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-85","category-english","tag-douglas-young","tag-egophobia-85","tag-english"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-46A","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15784","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15784"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15784\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15785,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15784\/revisions\/15785"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15784"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15784"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15784"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n\u201cA matinee or evening show?\u201d<\/p>\n