de Georgiana Ilie<\/p>\n
\u00cel admiram de departe \u00een acea zi \u00eensorit\u0103 de toamn\u0103, dup\u0103 furtuna teribil\u0103 care lovise plaja cu o noapte \u00een urm\u0103. Marea se \u00eenfuriase infinit, ca un copil nedrept\u0103\u021bit, \u0219i lovise cu putere \u021b\u0103rmul, l\u0103s\u00e2nd \u00een urm\u0103 un morman de iarba-m\u0103rii \u00een descompunere \u0219i trupuri sec\u0103tuite de via\u021b\u0103 ale existen\u021belor marine. Se afla \u00een mijlocul acestei degringolade naturale, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103-l intereseze lipsa esteticului din jurul lui. P\u0103\u0219ea printre cadavre de \u0219oareci \u0219i pe\u0219ti surprin\u0219i de viitur\u0103 ca pe o paji\u015fte \u00eenflorit\u0103, \u00eenrourat\u0103, iar Soarele era singurul de care \u00eei p\u0103sa; sorbea cu nesa\u021b, cu fiecare por \u0219i fiecare celul\u0103, energia lui binef\u0103c\u0103toare. Z\u00e2mbea, \u00een ciuda propriei furtuni interioare, pe care cu greu reu\u0219ea s\u0103 o st\u0103p\u00e2neasc\u0103 de o vreme \u00eencoace. \u00cei vedeam exteriorul \u0219i \u00eei cuno\u0219team ad\u00e2nc interiorul, \u0219i \u00eel priveam ca pe un copil energic \u0219i bun care nu se poate ab\u021bine s\u0103 nu danseze \u00een ploaie, \u00een mijlocul furtunii toren\u021biale de var\u0103, r\u00e2z\u00e2nd din tot sufletul, c\u00e2nt\u00e2nd.<\/p>\n
\u0218i-a scos tricoul cu un gest at\u00e2t de sigur, de masculin, \u00eenc\u00e2t am tres\u0103rit de \u00eenc\u00e2ntare. Celulele nervoase ale vintrelor mele \u0219i-au trezit sinapsele \u0219i m-au f\u0103cut s\u0103 simt furnic\u0103turile dorin\u021bei. \u00cel urm\u0103ream cu nesa\u021b, cu pupilele dilatate \u0219i pieptul \u00eempins cu putere \u00eenainte de accelerarea b\u0103t\u0103ilor cordului meu sleit de puteri.<\/p>\n
S-a hot\u0103r\u00e2t s\u0103 fac\u0103 o baie \u00een mare. \u00cen ciuda temperaturii apei, datorit\u0103 temperaturii apei. \u00cei sim\u021beam nevoia de endorfine, dorin\u021ba nebun\u0103 de senza\u021bie extrem\u0103, disperarea de a-i oferi creierului s\u0103u mediul ostil cu care era at\u00e2t de obi\u0219nuit. \u00cei vedeam determinarea \u00een priviri \u0219i, \u00een ciuda z\u00e2mbetului at\u00e2t de relaxat, \u00eei puteam sim\u021bi chinul l\u0103untric at\u00e2t de bine \u00eenr\u0103d\u0103cinat \u00een trup \u0219i \u00een suflet, ca \u0219i cum ar fi realizat \u00eempreun\u0103 o simbioz\u0103 bizar\u0103 care, \u00een schimbul suferin\u021bei, \u00eei oferea acea aur\u0103 de \u00eenving\u0103tor. M\u0103 g\u00e2ndeam doar la c\u00e2t de ciudat de echilibrat \u0219i de ancorat \u00eel face toat\u0103 aceast\u0103 tulburare organic\u0103 ce \u00eel st\u0103p\u00e2ne\u0219te \u0219i, cu c\u00e2t m\u0103 g\u00e2ndeam mai ad\u00e2nc, cu at\u00e2t \u00eel admiram mai tare.<\/p>\n
A p\u0103\u0219it \u00eencet pe talazul \u00eenghe\u021bat; pu\u021bin c\u00e2te pu\u021bin, s-a ad\u00e2ncit tot mai mult. Primea cu at\u00e2ta dezinvoltur\u0103 r\u0103ceala apei \u2014 corpului \u00eei era necunoscut acest mediu ostil \u0219i totu\u0219i el i se supunea \u0219i \u00eel domina \u00een egal\u0103 m\u0103sur\u0103. Se \u00eendep\u0103rta tot mai mult de \u021b\u0103rm cu at\u00e2ta st\u0103p\u00e2nire de sine! M\u0103 frapa felul cum, atunci c\u00e2nd \u00eei devenea incomod \u0219i de nesuportat, \u00ee\u0219i agita tot mai tare m\u00e2inile \u0219i \u00eenainta tot mai d\u00e2rz, ca s\u0103 dep\u0103\u0219easc\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 se contopeasc\u0103 cu acest mediu, s\u0103 scoat\u0103 tot ce e mai bun din el. \u0218i, \u00een tot acest proces chinuitor, stropea cu \u00eenver\u0219unare \u00eemprejurul s\u0103u, iar eu m\u0103 g\u00e2ndeam doar la faptul c\u0103 \u00een jurul lui focul nu are nicio \u0219ans\u0103; se r\u0103zboia cu valurile \u0219i cu frigul a\u0219a cum se lupt\u0103 un leu cu pericolul, sau un copil mic \u0219i furios cu neputin\u021ba \u0219i nedreptatea pe care le simte adesea \u0219i nu \u0219tie ce s\u0103 fac\u0103 cu ele.<\/p>\n
\u0218i, ca deznod\u0103m\u00e2nt al chinului s\u0103u, l-am v\u0103zut deodat\u0103 \u00eenot\u00e2nd at\u00e2t de natural, at\u00e2t de firesc \u0219i, mai ales, cu at\u00e2ta bucurie. St\u0103p\u00e2nise frigul \u0219i se st\u0103p\u00e2nise pe el \u0219i atinsese, \u00een sf\u00e2r\u0219it, beatitudinea. Acea clip\u0103 \u00eei apar\u021binea \u2014 era suprema\u021bie \u0219i control deplin. Acest hibrid \u00ee\u0219i dep\u0103\u0219ise statutul de crea\u021bie \u0219i se al\u0103turase demn, pe merit, Dumnezeului s\u0103u creator.<\/p>\n
L-am urm\u0103rit fascinat\u0103 \u00een tot acest parcurs dureros \u0219i l-am v\u0103zut apropiindu-se \u00eencet, cu trupul \u00eencordat de \u00eenfrigurare \u0219i cu foliculii pilo\u0219i erec\u021bi, dar cu cel mai real z\u00e2mbet pe care l-am v\u0103zut vreodat\u0103 pe chip. Reu\u0219ise.<\/p>\n
\u0218i apoi, dintre buzele lui perfecte, cuvintele s-au format melodioase, clare, \u0219i mi-a spus: \u201eM\u0103 mai duc o dat\u0103.\u201d<\/p>\n
C\u00e2nd dup\u0103 o jum\u0103tate de or\u0103 de lupt\u0103 cu valurile \u0219i cu tenebrele min\u021bii a ie\u0219it \u0219i s-a a\u0219ezat l\u00e2ng\u0103 mine pe p\u0103tur\u0103, m-am hot\u0103r\u00e2t s\u0103-i spun tot. Purtam povara cu mine deja de aproape 3 luni \u0219i nu eram sigur\u0103 c\u00e2t timp mi-a mai r\u0103mas. \u00cel fixasem cu privirea \u0219i a\u0219teptam s\u0103 observe c\u0103 vreau s\u0103-i spun ceva, s\u0103 faciliteze canalul de comunicare pe care \u00eencercam s\u0103-l stabilesc \u00eentre noi \u0219i care se l\u0103sa, \u00een ultima vreme, tot mai greu st\u0103p\u00e2nit. S-a \u00eentins jum\u0103tate peste mine s\u0103-\u0219i ia o bere din saco\u0219\u0103, s-a a\u0219ezat frichinit, ca un copil r\u0103sf\u0103\u021bat, a\u0219a cum f\u0103cea de fiecare dat\u0103 c\u00e2nd voia aten\u021bie, la r\u00e2ndu-i. A deschis doza cu un sunet ce striga \u201erelaxare\u201d \u0219i \u0219i-a aruncat privirea, oarecum mul\u021bumit, spre \u00eentinsul apei. Era cufundat \u00een el \u00eensu\u0219i, era plecat \u00een expedi\u021bia ad\u00e2ncurilor sale \u2014 i se \u00eent\u00e2mpla des, ni se \u00eent\u00e2mpla des. Ne av\u00e2ntam fiecare \u00een el \u00eensu\u0219i \u0219i apoi, c\u00e2nd descoperirea era evocatoare, ne \u00eent\u00e2lneam la suprafa\u021b\u0103 \u0219i ne \u00eemp\u0103rt\u0103\u0219eam.<\/p>\n
Am tu\u0219it scurt, ca atunci c\u00e2nd \u00ee\u021bi dregi vocea s\u0103 \u00eencepi un discurs. De\u0219i ce aveam eu s\u0103-i spun era departe de glorie \u2014 mai mult, era ca o \u00eenfr\u00e2ngere dintre cele mai dureroase. La dracu! M\u0103 tot obseda g\u00e2ndul c\u0103, de\u0219i n\u0103pasta se ab\u0103tuse asupra-mi, cel pe care \u00eel comp\u0103timeam era de fapt el. M\u0103 durea s\u0103 \u0219tiu c\u0103 o s\u0103-l doar\u0103 plecarea mea. Era un sentiment duios \u0219i pu\u021bin enervant, o servitute ce m\u0103 nemul\u021bumea cumva. \u00cemi d\u0103deam seama cu fiecare secund\u0103 c\u00e2t de tare m\u0103 speria felul \u00een care ar fi putut primi ceea ce aveam s\u0103-i spun. Cuvintele mi se \u00eencurcau \u00een g\u00e2t, pe limb\u0103, un h\u0103\u021bi\u0219 de vorbe ce nu voiau s\u0103 ias\u0103. Vedeam imaginea at\u00e2t de trist\u0103 a desp\u0103r\u021birii, din perspectiva celui care r\u0103m\u00e2ne \u2014 \u00eentotdeauna e mai greu pentru cel care r\u0103m\u00e2ne! Mi se str\u00e2ngea inima ca \u00eentr-o contrac\u021bie tetanic\u0103, o fric\u0103 paralizant\u0103 \u00eemi \u00eembiba \u021besuturile. M-am \u00eentors cu tot corpul c\u0103tre el \u0219i i-am spus:<\/p>\n
\u2014 Trebuie s\u0103-\u021bi spun ceva!<\/p>\n
I-am sim\u021bit respira\u021bia oprindu-i-se; \u0219tia c\u0103 ceva e \u00een neregul\u0103. Niciodat\u0103 nu a\u0219 fi \u00eenceput o conversa\u021bie at\u00e2t de blazat, de lipsit de farmec \u0219i de intrig\u0103. S-a sucit cu tot corpul c\u0103tre mine, cu ochii lui ca dou\u0103 farfurii limpezi \u2014 mai c\u0103-i puteam auzi inima tic\u0103ind. A\u0219a c\u0103 i-am spus tot: i-am spus cum boala aia nenorocit\u0103 se \u00eempr\u0103\u0219tie prin organele mele ca o cataplasm\u0103 letal\u0103, cum \u00eemi m\u0103n\u00e2nc\u0103 interiorul ca o rugin\u0103 incontrolabil\u0103, cum \u0219ansele mele s\u0103 tr\u0103iesc mai mult de 6 luni sunt aproape de 0. M-a\u0219 fi a\u0219teptat s\u0103 pl\u00e2ng un r\u00e2u de lacrimi doar verbaliz\u00e2nd drama pe care realmente o tr\u0103iam, dar, spre surprinderea mea, sunet dup\u0103 sunet, cuvintele se formau aproape melodioase, mi se desprindeau de buze ca pic\u0103turile de rou\u0103 \u00een inima dimine\u021bii. M-a ascultat f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 cr\u00e2cneasc\u0103. C\u00e2nd n-am mai spus nimic, a \u0219optit ca pentru sine, ca pentru a \u00een\u021belege, ca atunci c\u00e2nd realizezi c\u00e2t e de cald afar\u0103 \u0219i o spui cu voce tare:<\/p>\n
\u2014 Ai cancer.<\/p>\n
Am dat din cap \u00eenceti\u0219or. M-a privit \u00een ochi, ad\u00e2nc, p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een suflet. I-am z\u0103rit o lacrim\u0103 form\u00e2ndu-i-se \u00eencet \u00een ochii stacojii, lu\u00e2nd-o la vale pe netezimea obrazului, ca o nestemat\u0103 \u00een lumina soarelui.<\/p>\n
Apoi s-a ridicat zv\u00e2cnind \u0219i m-a luat de m\u00e2n\u0103, m-a tras \u00een sus:<\/p>\n
\u2014 Hai s\u0103 facem o baie. E grozav\u0103 apa azi.<\/p>\n
\u0218i atunci am \u00een\u021beles c\u0103 decisese, f\u0103r\u0103 drept de apel, s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eenve\u021be s\u0103 lupt cu valurile.<\/p>\n
\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
de Georgiana Ilie \u00cel admiram de departe \u00een acea zi \u00eensorit\u0103 de toamn\u0103, dup\u0103 furtuna teribil\u0103 care lovise plaja cu o noapte \u00een urm\u0103. Marea se \u00eenfuriase infinit, ca un copil nedrept\u0103\u021bit, \u0219i lovise cu putere \u021b\u0103rmul, l\u0103s\u00e2nd \u00een urm\u0103 un morman de iarba-m\u0103rii \u00een descompunere \u0219i trupuri sec\u0103tuite de via\u021b\u0103 ale existen\u021belor marine. Se […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1800,15],"tags":[1801,1804,1115],"class_list":["post-15839","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-86","category-proza","tag-egophobia-86","tag-georgiana-ilie","tag-proza"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-47t","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15839","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=15839"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15839\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15840,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15839\/revisions\/15840"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=15839"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=15839"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=15839"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}