{"id":16020,"date":"2025-12-14T08:34:46","date_gmt":"2025-12-14T06:34:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=16020"},"modified":"2025-12-14T00:35:51","modified_gmt":"2025-12-13T22:35:51","slug":"poem-by-stephanie-suh","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=16020","title":{"rendered":"poem by Stephanie Suh"},"content":{"rendered":"

Falling, Sinking<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I am falling, falling, falling\u2014<\/p>\n

into the cycle of living and dying,<\/p>\n

again and again without end,<\/p>\n

unless I break the circle,<\/p>\n

unless I meet God and deal with Him.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Isn\u2019t He supposed to be all-loving?<\/p>\n

Why does He ignore me? Quo vadis?<\/em><\/p>\n

Would He hear my prayers, would He care,<\/p>\n

if I were beautiful, bold, effront\u00e9e?<\/p>\n

He is Father, Almighty\u2014yet still a man.<\/p>\n

Even priests love beauty beneath their cloaks.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I am sinking, sinking, sinking\u2014<\/p>\n

into a sea of fathomless sadness.<\/p>\n

Ships pass. People see. No one helps.<\/p>\n

I call on God, Jesus, Mary, Archangels,<\/p>\n

angels, principalities, saints.<\/p>\n

Compassion withheld. Of course.<\/p>\n

Heaven calls it faith by ordeal. Lo resto. Sempre.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tears dissolve into the waters.<\/p>\n

The sea enters my eyes again and again.<\/p>\n

I try to shout\u2014only bubbles rise,<\/p>\n

a comedy of drowning,<\/p>\n

my voice bursting into silence.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I wished for everything.<\/p>\n

I was favored with nothing.<\/p>\n

So God punishes me for wanting it all\u2014<\/p>\n

for wanting to be someone\u2019s one,<\/p>\n

to ache in flame and amour.<\/p>\n

But longing is trouble,<\/p>\n

ire answering desire.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So I lie in bed at night,<\/p>\n

imitating hunger-shaped love in secrecy.<\/p>\n

But He found it. They saw it.<\/p>\n

And now comes punishment:<\/p>\n

perhaps one day I will wake in darkness,<\/p>\n

sightless, sunless,<\/p>\n

never again to see my beloved\u2019s face,<\/p>\n

those eyes blue as sky.<\/p>\n

All because I wanted to be loved\u2014and to love.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Some make a pact with the Devil. Ex nihilo nihil fit.<\/em><\/p>\n

But I am a Catholic girl still.<\/p>\n

I will make a deal with God:<\/p>\n

I will give Him what He wants,<\/p>\n

and keep my eyes\u2014Fiat lux.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

If I must run across fire-thorns,<\/p>\n

if I must dwell among ghosts,<\/p>\n

I will do so for love of my beloved.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ad astra per aspera.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Falling, Sinking   I am falling, falling, falling\u2014 into the cycle of living and dying, again and again without end,<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1822,77],"tags":[1821,1123,1838],"class_list":["post-16020","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-87","category-english","tag-egophobia-87","tag-english","tag-stephanie-suh"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-4ao","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16020","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=16020"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16020\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16021,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16020\/revisions\/16021"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=16020"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=16020"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=16020"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}