by Douglas Young<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAll rise. Hear ye, hear ye. The Municipal Court of Daniel Govan County is now in session with the Honorable Judge Alonza Reeves presiding. God save America and this Honorable Court. Amen. You may be seated,\u201d the bailiff proclaimed in a booming voice as the black-robed, fiftyish, and dark-haired Judge Reeves entered the courtroom and took his seat. The two dozen other people scattered throughout the room then sat down.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cDistrict Attorney Gregg, please announce the first case,\u201d Judge Reeves requested.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThank you, your honor,\u201d John Gregg said rising from the prosecutor\u2019s table. Sporting a fresh crew-cut, the blue suit-and-tied D.A. was forty-something with the build of a football team\u2019s offensive lineman. \u201cThe state brings the case of \u2018The People versus Fergus Alexander Richards.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYou may proceed,\u201d Judge Reeves directed as he surveyed the courtroom and checked his notes.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYour honor,\u201d Mr. Gregg continued, \u201cMr. Richards is charged with driving recklessly and damaging private property.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWill the defendant please rise?\u201d Judge Reeves asked.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 At the defense table, eighty-eight-year-old Deloris Richards, wearing her best yellow dress bought for the last Easter, grabbed the left arm of her husband and, with her mouth close to his ear, instructed, \u201cWe have to stand.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Aided by his wife and outfitted in his favorite gray suit and red tie, ninety-six-year-old Fergus Richards blinked and struggled to his feet, with both hands on the table and Mrs. Richards standing and holding his arm.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHow do you plead to the charges of driving recklessly and damaging private property?\u201d Judge Reeves asked.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Mr. Richards slowly looked at the district attorney, the stenographer typing everything said, the bailiff, and the judge.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWell, answer the man,\u201d Deloris told her husband, pointing to the judge.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Judge Reeves smiled at the defendant and waved, prompting Mr. Richards to smile and wave back heartily.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhat you want to know?\u201d Mr. Richards asked the judge.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHow do you plead, sir?\u201d asked Judge Reeves.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWell, I want to keep driving,\u201d the defendant said in a loud voice. His wife looked at the table shaking her head. Seated in the front row behind them, the couple\u2019s sixty-four-year-old daughter put her hand to her head as her sixty-two-year-old brother next to her took a deep breath, leaned back, and stared at the ceiling. Several grandchildren and great-grandchildren seated to their left smiled or giggled.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWell, sir,\u201d the judge replied, \u201cthat\u2019s what we\u2019re here to decide. But, first, you need to tell us if you\u2019re guilty of driving recklessly and damaging private property, or not guilty.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOh, he\u2019s guilty, all right, your honor, and he knows it too. We all do. I\u2019m Mrs. Richards,\u201d Deloris Richards spoke up.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cGood to meet you, ma\u2019am,\u201d the judge began with a raised hand. \u201cWhile I appreciate your opinion, Mrs. Richards, we need to hear what your husband has to say about this. Now, sir, are you guilty or not?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAh, not guilty!\u201d the old man said and smiled. \u201cYeah.\u201d His wife shook her head at the judge.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAll right. Y\u2019all can sit down now,\u201d Judge Reeves replied. \u201cY\u2019all don\u2019t have an attorney to represent you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cLord, no, your honor,\u201d Mrs. Richards answered with a sigh upon sitting down. \u201cWe can\u2019t afford none of that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cSo, is the court to understand that you\u2019re acting as the defendant\u2019s de facto attorney?\u201d the judge asked.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI ain\u2019t a de facto nothing, your honor,\u201d Deloris Richards answered. \u201cI\u2019m \u2026 Well, to tell you the gospel truth, I don\u2019t rightly know what my role is here.\u201d She sighed before turning to her husband. \u201cLord knows, he<\/em> don\u2019t know what he\u2019s doing here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWell, the court recognizes you\u2019re a dutiful wife, and the court certainly respects that,\u201d Judge Reeves announced.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThank you, your honor.\u201d Deloris nodded at the judge and smiled for the first time that morning.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOh, yeah. She\u2019s a keeper,\u201d Fergus Richards volunteered loudly. \u201cAfter seventy years of marriage, I don\u2019t reckon I\u2019ll ditch her anytime soon. No telling what I might get on the trade-in.\u201d His wife sighed but could not suppress a smile and patted him on the back.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWell, kudos to both of y\u2019all.\u201d Judge Reeves smiled and cleared his throat. \u201cWhat a wonderful achievement indeed. All right, for the purposes of this hearing, the court recognizes that Mr. Richards will act as his own attorney. But, Mrs. Richards, you\u2019re welcome to chime in anytime. We\u2019ll just recognize you as co-counsel.\u201d Deloris nodded with a resigned expression.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cMr. Gregg, please present the people\u2019s case,\u201d Judge Reeves asked.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 John Gregg rose. \u201cYour honor, the court is advised that at 10:30 on the morning of April 16 of this year, Sheriff\u2019s Deputy Carter Stevenson noticed the defendant\u2019s pickup truck moving erratically on Henry Heth Road. Deputy Stevenson followed the defendant before observing his truck run off the road and knock to the ground the mailbox at 1865 Henry Heth Road belonging to the address\u2019s homeowner, Trenton Blevins. We also have a sworn statement with receipts covering the damages from Mr. Blevins that, if the court will permit, the people would like to enter into the record.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cDone,\u201d replied the judge.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThank you, your honor,\u201d the D.A. continued. \u201cAh, unfortunately, I don\u2019t see Deputy Stevenson in the courtroom, but we can sure try to contact him to testify just as soon as possible. We apologize for the delay, your honor.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Judge Reeves noticed the defendant\u2019s eyes were closed and his mouth open. The judge looked at him for a few seconds.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cMr. Richards,\u201d the judge called in a louder voice as Mrs. Richards shook her husband\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHuh?\u201d Fergus Richards asked looking around and then at his wife.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHe\u2019s talking to you,\u201d she said motioning to the judge.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOh. Yes, sir. Not guilty!\u201d Mr. Richards declared as his wife turned to look resignedly at their family.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWe got that, sir,\u201d the judge stated. \u201cBut, as terribly behind as this court is and with the officer who wrote you the ticket not here, the court would just like to ask whether you ran over that mailbox on Henry Heth Road that morning. Since you\u2019re acting \u2026 as your own attorney, you can stay where you are, and just remain seated. Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you, God?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOh, yeah,\u201d he answered.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHe better,\u201d his wife declared. \u201cI\u2019ll correct him if he gets confused.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s all right, Mrs. Richards.\u201d Judge Reeves nodded. \u201cLet\u2019s let your husband speak. Now, sir, did you run over that mailbox?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWell, sir,\u201d the defendant began. \u201cI tell you, Judge, I b\u2019lieve that thing was just entirely too close to the road, and that\u2019s just the plain truth.\u201d His wife looked at the judge shaking her head.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cBut did you hit that mailbox with your truck?\u201d the judge asked Mr. Richards.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOh, yeah. I ran right over it,\u201d the defendant answered.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cBut, now, Judge,\u201d his wife interjected, \u201cwe done paid Mr. Blevins for that mailbox, and he got hisself a right fine new one that he said hisself is a far sight better than the old one on account of he went to Walmart and got a real pretty mailbox with birds painted on it and a sturdy wood post to set in on, and we paid the bill which was over $200. Let me ask my daughter for the right amount since she gave him the check. That\u2019s her, right there, your honor.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThank you, ma\u2019am,\u201d Judge Reeves responded with a raised hand as she pointed to her daughter who smiled weakly at the judge and waved. \u201cThat won\u2019t be needed,\u201d he continued.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThat thing cost entirely too much, if you ask me,\u201d Mr. Richards stated emphatically.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWell, nobody\u2019s asking you,\u201d his wife remarked. \u201cIt\u2019s your fault all this even happened. I told you to wait \u2019til after lunch to get that haircut when somebody was free to drive you. But, no, you just couldn\u2019t wait. No patience and still stubborn as a mule.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWell, I needed a haircut bad,\u201d her husband replied.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOh, you and that dadblamed haircut of yours.\u201d She shook her head.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAll right,\u201d the judge interrupted with both hands raised. \u201cWe don\u2019t need to get into any of that. Now, Mr. Richards, you strike this court as an honest man\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWell, I\u2019m a Christian,\u201d Mr. Richards stated. \u201cGo to First Baptist. Gone my whole life.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHe was a deacon and a Sunday School teacher for years and years,\u201d his wife stated and patted her husband\u2019s shoulder. \u201cHe\u2019s a veteran too. Decorated in combat.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cGot me a silver star, a bronze star, and they done give me a couple of purple hearts. \u2019Course, I reckon I sure paid for \u2019em too,\u201d her husband spoke up with a chuckle.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAnd the court commends the defendant and thanks him dearly for all his outstanding service and for being such a tremendous credit to this community,\u201d Judge Reeves stated and nodded. \u201cNow, to the matter at hand, sir. You\u2019ve already admitted that you did in fact run over the mailbox, correct?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHe sure did, Judge,\u201d Deloris Richards declared. \u201cAnd after he knocked it to the ground, he drove right over it and smashed it something terrible. Oh, you shoulda\u2019 seen that thing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s all right, ma\u2019am.\u201d Judge Reeves closed his eyes, lowered his head, and lifted his right hand again. \u201cNow, sir, for the record, are you saying that you did, in fact, run over that mailbox?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOh, yeah,\u201d he answered. \u201cPlum completely tore that thing up good.\u201d He laughed.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThey ain\u2019t nothing funny \u2019bout it,\u201d his wife noted and looked at her husband sternly.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIt dented the front of my truck too, your honor,\u201d Mr. Richards declared. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cMa\u2019am,\u201d Judge Reeves spoke up with his hand raised. He paused, looked at his desk, and cleared his throat before looking at the defendant.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cMr. Richards, do you want to present a case in your defense?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHe don\u2019t have nothing to present but stubbornness,\u201d Deloris Richards pronounced looking at her husband.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cMa\u2019am, please,\u201d the judge requested with a slightly raised hand. The Richards\u2019 daughter leaned forward with her head in both hands as her daughter patted her back. The Richards\u2019 son clasped his hands staring at the floor while the younger relatives smiled or looked at their phones.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Judge Alonza Reeves took a drink of water, clasped his hands under his chin, looked at the Richards family, and finally spoke.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cMr. Richards, how old are you, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The old man blinked. \u201cAh\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cNinety-six,\u201d his wife loudly whispered in his ear.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cNinety-six, judge,\u201d Mr. Richards pronounced.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cNinety-six years old,\u201d Judge Reeves stated admiringly. \u201cThe Good Lord\u2019s been mighty generous to you and your family.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAnd we\u2019re so thankful,\u201d Mrs. Richards stated.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m sure y\u2019all are,\u201d the judge continued. \u201cAnd I\u2019ll tell you what this court\u2019s gon\u2019 do. Fergus Richards, in recognition of all your long fine service to this community and to our nation, this court is hereby permanently retiring your driver\u2019s license and awarding you free riding privileges for the rest of your life.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The Richards\u2019 daughter raised her head and put her hands together in a prayer of thanks to the judge as her brother gave his honor a thumbs up.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cLet me explain what this means,\u201d Judge Reeves continued. \u201cAnd I want all the family to listen up.\u201d The Richards\u2019 daughter shushed her children and grandchildren who were whispering and playing with their phones, and pointed to the judge.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cFrom now on, Mr. Richards,\u201d the judge pronounced, \u201cwhenever you want to go somewhere, one of your kin, a neighbor, or a friend is gon\u2019 drive you there, you hear? You have richly earned the right never to have to drive again. It\u2019s time for you to just sit back and enjoy the ride. Now, in exchange for this privilege, you have to promise the court, on your honor as a war hero and a Christian gentleman, that you gon\u2019 be patient. So, if you want to go to the store, but nobody can take you right away, you have to wait \u2019til somebody can, you understand?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYes sir,\u201d Mr. Richards replied.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cGood,\u201d Judge Reeves declared. \u201cNow does the court have the word of the Richards family that y\u2019all gon\u2019 drive your daddy and granddaddy wherever he wants to go?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAnd great-granddaddy, your honor,\u201d Mrs. Richards interrupted.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWell, that\u2019s just fine,\u201d the judge noted as all the family members nodded and\/or gave a thumbs up sign.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cNow you see, Mr. Richards, every one of your relations here just promised he\u2019s gon\u2019 drive you wherever you want. So you\u2019ve got a whole fine mess of personal chauffeurs at your disposal \u2013 and for free. I don\u2019t think it gets much better than that. Now how does that sound?\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cPretty good, Judge. They\u2019re all a good bunch and I\u2019m right proud of ever\u2019 one of \u2019em.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWell,\u201d Judge Reeves responded, \u201cthey\u2019re certainly an upstanding-looking group which speaks mighty well of you and the Mrs.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOh, they sure are a powerful blessing, your honor,\u201d Deloris Richards declared. \u201cEver\u2019 one of \u2019em helps out so much. I just don\u2019t know what we\u2019d do without \u2019em. We\u2019d a-been in a nursing home a long time ago, sure enough.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAll right.\u201d The judge smiled. \u201cWell, y\u2019all are free to leave now and the court wishes each of you all the very best. God bless.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Deloris Richards thanked Judge Reeves and helped up her husband who began walking to District Attorney Gregg with his hand outstretched. The D.A. jumped up to clasp his elder\u2019s hand with both his own while thanking him for his service and wishing Mrs. Richards and the family well.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 After the Richards family left, the judge smiled at everyone in the almost empty courtroom and took a sip of water.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cThe court wishes every case turned out as well as that last one,\u201d he observed. \u201cHow wonderful to be 96, still live at home, and have all your family around you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAmen,\u201d a smiling District Attorney John Gregg agreed. \u201cJust be careful \u2019bout driving \u2013 and watch out for them mailboxes.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" by Douglas Young \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cAll rise. Hear ye, hear ye. The Municipal Court of Daniel Govan County is now in session with the Honorable Judge Alonza Reeves presiding. God save America and this Honorable Court. Amen. You may be seated,\u201d the bailiff proclaimed in a booming voice as the black-robed, fiftyish, and dark-haired Judge Reeves […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1914,77],"tags":[1565,1915,1123],"class_list":["post-16514","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-91","category-english","tag-douglas-young","tag-egophobia-91","tag-english"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-4im","jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16514","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=16514"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16514\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16515,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16514\/revisions\/16515"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=16514"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=16514"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=16514"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n\u201cWell,\u201d his wife spoke up. \u201cIt serves you right for running over it when you shouldn\u2019t have been driving no way in the first place.\u201d<\/p>\n