{"id":1671,"date":"2009-10-08T06:26:40","date_gmt":"2009-10-08T04:26:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=1671"},"modified":"2010-01-22T21:52:37","modified_gmt":"2010-01-22T19:52:37","slug":"dreams","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=1671","title":{"rendered":"Dreams<\/strong>"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0by Otis Taylor (USA)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Edited\u00a0by Robert Fenhagen<\/em><\/p>\n

When I was a child, the most vivid dream that I remember was one in which I was standing atop a circus trapeze pole\u2014very tall, very slender, and very scary. However, I was not scared, in fact, the recurring theme of the dream was that I dove off of the platform, flew down toward the ground very fast (breakneck speed), and saved a woman, who was in some kind of trouble.<\/p>\n

As life has progressed,\u00a0 I became more questioning of the causes of things\u2014dreams, for instance.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

I had assumed that this early dream had to do with my inability to save my mother from the effects of alcohol and other ailments.<\/p>\n

As more time elapsed, I now believe that it has to do with my inability to help almost anyone, especially myself.<\/p>\n

At times, I had mused that my\u00a0 need to save was actually a reflection of my need to control\u2014almost suggesting my hanging like one of\u00a0 Dracula\u2019s bats, waiting for some needy soul to soar by in free fall, some begging to be saved; some happily heading into the abyss, ignoring my need to save them.; I mean, really! Who am I kidding?!??<\/p>\n

The fact that I stood by, as my ex-wife, who was diagnosed as being manic-depressive, sailed by, and\u00a0 out of my life (\u00a0after my attempts to cure her,) while drinking incredible amounts of alcohol, might\u00a0 have made me ask the question:\u00a0\u00a0 \u2018Who was sick, and who was insane?\u2019\u00a0<\/p>\n

Who knows?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve heard other men speak harsh words, as they try to put themselves in their wives\u2019 shoes:<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you kidding; I\u2019d rather be dead than to take your disgusting hand.\u201d\u00a0 They mimic.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I think they may be right.<\/p>\n

Later,\u00a0 I tried to save another woman who eventually died as a direct result of alcoholism, and the woman who I am in love with now, who has various physical ailments, and who I would love to \u2018save\u2019 from her trials, but cannot.<\/p>\n

\u00a0
\nAs time went on, I realized that this theme of saving someone else was not in my best interest, because it allowed me to focus elsewhere, instead of dealing with my own demons, many of which turned out to do with my relationships with women, and alcohol.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Saving someone from their destiny is changing that destiny, and changing destiny is impossible, right?
\n\u00a0
\nI now realize that my dream of saving a woman is ludicrous.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 I am limited by my ridiculous belief that I can change another person\u2019s life, and this has been proven impossible do in a positive way, yet, I continue to dream.<\/p>\n

Powerlessness is not an easy pill to swallow, but it is a harsh medicine that I need to take.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

I continue accepting my weaknesses, but I do not look forward to it, and as I continue living, I need to remember that I cannot be controlled by a dream, because the dream is not real, but I wait like a thirsty vampire bat, waiting for others to share their dreams.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, I fly to them, and sink my fangs.
\n\u00a0<\/p>\n

My Mother is long dead, but other people\u2019s dreams will be around for a long, long time.<\/p>\n

I hunger for your dream; I hunger for your crisis.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0by Otis Taylor (USA) Edited\u00a0by Robert Fenhagen When I was a child, the most vivid dream that I remember was one in which I was standing atop a circus trapeze pole\u2014very tall, very slender, and very scary. However, I was not scared, in fact, the recurring theme of the dream was that I dove off […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[310,22],"tags":[1131,1123,372,1116],"class_list":["post-1671","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-24","category-short-story","tag-egophobia-24","tag-english","tag-otis-taylor","tag-short-story"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s6DakB-dreams","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1671","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1671"}],"version-history":[{"count":25,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1671\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3472,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1671\/revisions\/3472"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1671"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1671"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1671"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}