{"id":37,"date":"2009-05-17T08:48:04","date_gmt":"2009-05-17T06:48:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/egophobia.ro\/revista\/?p=37"},"modified":"2009-09-13T21:38:57","modified_gmt":"2009-09-13T19:38:57","slug":"stele-verzi-5","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=37","title":{"rendered":"Stele verzi 38"},"content":{"rendered":"<p align=justify>Nu avea niciun chef s\u0103 o mai vad\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103. \u00cei era \u015fi fric\u0103 de ea. Sau a\u015fa credea. Poate nu \u00eei era fric\u0103 de persoana ei, ci de efectul pe care persoana ce o era se p\u0103rea c\u0103 \u00eel are asupra lui. \u00cen consecin\u0163\u0103, nu mai voia s\u0103 o mai vad\u0103 din nou. De altfel, \u015fi dac\u0103 nu ar fi sim\u0163it niciun fel de fric\u0103 fa\u0163\u0103 de ea, \u015fi tot nu ar mai fi vrut s\u0103 o mai vad\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103. Poate, \u00ee\u015fi zicea, frica nu e dec\u00e2t un pretext pentru a nu o mai vedea. \u00cen realitate, \u015fi se \u00eentreba la care dintre toate realit\u0103\u0163ile \u00een care se blocase \u00een \u00eentreaga lui via\u0163\u0103 se referea, nu avea nevoie de niciun pretext s\u0103 nu o mai vad\u0103. Trebuia doar s\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi imagineze c\u0103 nu dore\u015fte un asemenea lucru \u015fi imagina\u0163ia lui impermeabil\u0103 la fic\u0163iune s-ar fi \u015fi infiltrat \u00een realitatea \u00een care se \u00eent\u00e2mpla s\u0103 fie \u00een acel timp. \u00cen fond, \u00ee\u015fi tot zicea, de ce s\u0103 nu vrea un lucru pe care \u00eel chiar vrea \u015fi de ce s\u0103 se \u00eempiedice singur \u00een imagina\u0163ia sa restrictiv\u0103, c\u00e2nd putea s\u0103 nu o fac\u0103 \u00een niciun fel. Probabil c\u0103 se certa \u00een lipsa cuiva care s\u0103 \u00eel certe, dar era totu\u015fi uimit s\u0103 descopere c\u0103 imagina\u0163ia sa nu era deloc ca a altora, f\u0103r\u0103 limite, ci, dimpotriv\u0103, chiar putea s\u0103 fie total restrictiv\u0103.<!--more--> Se \u00eentreba dac\u0103 mai exist\u0103 \u015fi altcineva ca el, finit \u00een infinit \u015fi infinit \u00een finit, \u015fi tot el \u00ee\u015fi r\u0103spundea c\u0103, mai mult ca sigur, era unic \u015fi c\u0103 nimeni altul nu mai era ca el. \u00cen ciuda imagina\u0163iei lui restrictive, ce \u00eel \u00eempiedica s\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi imagineze un pretext mai bun de a nu o mai vedea dec\u00e2t simplul pretext, inexplicabil, de a nu o mai vedea, r\u0103m\u00e2nea cu oarecare spaim\u0103 la adresa ei. Nu mai era frica de \u00eenainte, pe care pu\u0163ina sa imagina\u0163ie o \u015fi eliminase, ci una diferit\u0103, nu a\u015fa de insinuant\u0103 ca cealalt\u0103, dar cu mult mai subtil\u0103. Nu \u00eei era deloc fric\u0103 de ea \u015fi de aceea nici nu voia s\u0103 o mai vad\u0103, dar se temea oarecum de ea \u015fi teama lui superficial\u0103 \u00eel \u00eempiedica s\u0103 aib\u0103 un pretext mai logic de a nu o mai vedea dec\u00e2t simplul pretext de a nu dori, sub niciun pretext, s\u0103 o mai vad\u0103. Poate \u00ee\u015fi imagina c\u0103, dac\u0103 o vede \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103, ceva opus fricii lui restrictiv imaginative se va \u00eent\u00e2mpla \u015fi \u00een consecin\u0163\u0103 nu va putea s\u0103 o mai vad\u0103 dup\u0103 aceea, c\u00e2nd fie nu \u00eei va mai fi fric\u0103 de ea, fie nu \u00ee\u015fi va mai imagina c\u0103 nu vrea s\u0103 o mai vad\u0103. Perspectiva \u00eel \u00eensp\u0103im\u00e2nta complet \u015fi nu dorea s\u0103 se ata\u015feze orizontului ei de a\u015fteptare. \u015ei de\u015fi era at\u00e2t de sigur c\u0103 nu voia s\u0103 o mai vad\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103, un anumit \u00eenalt din el se ridica tot mai \u00een \u00eendep\u0103rtarea dorin\u0163ei de a nu o mai vedea \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103 fiindc\u0103, \u00een c\u0103derea din el, pretextul de a o nu mai vedea se pr\u0103bu\u015fea \u00een chiar dorin\u0163a de a nu o mai vedea. \u00cen ad\u00e2ncul \u00eentuneric din el, orbec\u0103ia f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 \u015ftie cum voia s\u0103 o mai vad\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103. Contururile erau opace \u015fi suprafa\u0163a prins\u0103 \u00eentre ele, mat\u0103. Total pe ghicite, \u00een \u00eentunericul ad\u00e2ncului s\u0103u, ajunse p\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103torul vis, \u00een dreptul c\u0103ruia se opri s\u0103 \u00eel \u00eenve\u0163e pe de rost \u015fi dup\u0103 aceea s\u0103 \u00eel repete probabil aproape la infinitul imagina\u0163iei sale finite. Ce memor\u0103 nu era foarte \u00eencurajator, dar, cel pu\u0163in, \u00eei d\u0103dea \u015fansa infim\u0103 s\u0103 o mai vad\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103 fiindc\u0103 <em>\u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103<\/em> era ce v\u0103zu pe de rost c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 repete din visul \u00een dreptul c\u0103ruia se oprise. \u00cenc\u0103 o dat\u0103, at\u00e2t mai voia s\u0103 o vad\u0103. \u00cenc\u0103 o dat\u0103 \u015fi, dac\u0103 se putea, \u015fi \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103. Nu cerea prea mult fiindc\u0103 memoria lui era a\u015fa cum era, scund\u0103, \u015fi nu ajungea p\u00e2n\u0103 la acea por\u0163iune din fiin\u0163a lui \u00een continuare asemuit\u0103 unui cer din \u00eentregul s\u0103u jur \u00eemprejur natural \u015fi, \u00een consecin\u0163\u0103, va uita \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103 c\u0103 o v\u0103zuse deja \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103 imediat cum, \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103, avea s\u0103 o tot vad\u0103. \u015etia prea bine c\u0103, de fapt, cerea totul, \u00eens\u0103 \u00eencerca s\u0103 profite de memoria sa, pe care o \u015fi \u00eenv\u0103\u0163ase pe de rost, \u015fi, ca atare, o \u015ftia c\u00e2t se poate \u00eentinde, \u015fi \u00eencerca s\u0103 profite de ea c\u00e2t mai putea s\u0103 o \u0163in\u0103 minte. \u00ce\u015fi zicea \u00een sine c\u0103, dac\u0103 o mai vede \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103, nu va avea de ce s\u0103 o mai vad\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103 fiindc\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103 \u015fi teama de ea s-ar putea transforma \u00een ce oricum nu ar fi putut niciodat\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eenve\u0163e pe de rost, oric\u00e2t de mult s-ar fi str\u0103duit s\u0103 \u00eel \u0163in\u0103 minte. Mai bine, \u00een consecin\u0163\u0103, s\u0103 o mai vad\u0103 numai \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103, c\u00e2t timp mai avea re\u0163inerea de a nu o mai vedea \u015fi dup\u0103 aceea \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103. \u00cencepuse s\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi dea seama de ce anume \u00eei era fric\u0103 \u015fi \u00een\u0163elese c\u0103 nu se temea nici de ea, nici de efectul pe care persoana ce o era putea s\u0103 \u00eel aib\u0103 asupra lui, ci de faptul c\u0103 ar putea s\u0103 o mai vad\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103 imediat cum deja o mai v\u0103zuse \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103, \u015fi nu \u015ftia prea bine dac\u0103 ar putea s\u0103 o mai vad\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103 c\u00e2t timp o mai v\u0103zuse \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103, deja.<\/p>\n<p>(va urma)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nu avea niciun chef s\u0103 o mai vad\u0103 \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103. \u00cei era \u015fi fric\u0103 de ea. Sau a\u015fa credea. Poate nu \u00eei era fric\u0103 de persoana ei, ci de efectul pe care persoana ce o era se p\u0103rea c\u0103 \u00eel are asupra lui. \u00cen consecin\u0163\u0103, nu mai voia s\u0103 o mai vad\u0103 din nou. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[6,4,5],"class_list":["post-37","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-romanul-online","tag-literatura-virtuala-exclusiv-antuma","tag-patrick-calinescu","tag-roman-online"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-B","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=37"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1564,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37\/revisions\/1564"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=37"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=37"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=37"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}