de Horea Dulvac<\/p>\n
\nStabilisem de mic c\u0103 trebuia s\u0103 m\u0103 perpetuez. Dar constatasem c\u0103 nu era deloc u\u015for: to\u0163i \u00eencercau s\u0103 m\u0103 lichideze \u00eenainte s\u0103 ajung la maturitate. \nNu \u015ftiusem c\u0103 oamenii tr\u0103iau \u00eentr-un lan. Se hr\u0103neau din ceva comun – nu puteam s\u0103 m\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc la asta c\u0103 m\u0103 cutremuram de oroare (urma s\u0103 fiu \u015fi eu absorbit) \nTrebuia \u00eens\u0103 s\u0103 cobor \u00eentre ei, \u00een ad\u00e2ncul digestiei, altminteri de ce m-a\u015f mai fi n\u0103scut? Asta \u00eemi era de fapt soarta: s\u0103 intru p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een m\u0103runtaiele lor nervoase, ca un agent.<\/p>\n \nAcolo, la ei, era un scandal p\u00e2n\u0103 la cer \u015fi-o cleveteal\u0103 ca pe insulele pline de p\u0103s\u0103ri-noroc c\u0103 ni se t\u0103iase sonorul. \n\u201eA\u015fadar lucrurile sunt clare!\u201d, mi-am spus \u00een timp ce urechile mele vinovate se \u00eenro\u015feau: \u201eNu sunt iubit!\u201d. *<\/p>\n \nSlav\u0103 domnului c\u0103 puteam fi duplicitar! \nVedere din\u0103untru: i-am t\u0103iat zilei burta de pe\u015fte – acolo st\u0103team to\u0163i, a\u015feza\u0163i pe scaune \u015fi t\u0103ceam. \nPe mine, secretomania m\u0103 \u00eennebunea, pentru c\u0103 to\u0163i p\u0103reau c\u0103 \u015ftiu. \nNoroc c\u0103 foamea venea imediat pe stomacul gol \u2013 dimine\u0163ile t\u0103ioase erau cel mai bun argument. M\u0103 trezeam cu junghiuri abdominale, lucide. Soarele \u00ee\u015fi \u00eencepea ascensiunea lui de g\u0103lbenu\u015f. \nSemenii mei p\u0103reau crescu\u0163i m\u0103runt din p\u0103m\u00e2nt. Transpirau uleios ca peri\u015forii de pe chelie. (Habar n-aveam dac\u0103 trecerea timpului ad\u0103uga ceva.) \nCe mi se \u00eent\u00e2mpla c\u00e2nd mergeam la teatru: de\u015fi aparent civiliza\u0163i, spectatorii se coalizau \u00eempotriva mea. \nDar nici eu nu prea eram dus la biseric\u0103 – de c\u00e2te ori ei m\u0103 \u00eenjurau (\u00eemi d\u0103deam seama de asta dup\u0103 faptul c\u0103 d\u0103deau m\u0103runt din buze), prindeam aripi. de Horea Dulvac Stabilisem de mic c\u0103 trebuia s\u0103 m\u0103 perpetuez. Dar constatasem c\u0103 nu era deloc u\u015for: to\u0163i \u00eencercau s\u0103 m\u0103 lichideze \u00eenainte s\u0103 ajung la maturitate. Era \u015fi o mare \u00eenghesuial\u0103: c\u00e2nd d\u0103deam s\u0103 intru, constatam c\u0103 locul era deja ocupat. In\u015fi cu capete ca ni\u015fte bostane de Halloween m\u0103 urm\u0103reau hipnotiza\u0163i, avertiz\u00e2ndu-m\u0103 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[615,15],"tags":[1150,635,1115],"class_list":["post-5354","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-28","category-proza","tag-egophobia-28","tag-horea-dulvac","tag-proza"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-1om","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5354","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5354"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5354\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5355,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5354\/revisions\/5355"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5354"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5354"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5354"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nEra \u015fi o mare \u00eenghesuial\u0103: c\u00e2nd d\u0103deam s\u0103 intru, constatam c\u0103 locul era deja ocupat. In\u015fi cu capete ca ni\u015fte bostane de Halloween<\/em> m\u0103 urm\u0103reau hipnotiza\u0163i, avertiz\u00e2ndu-m\u0103 t\u0103cut.
\n– \u201eSuntem prea mul\u0163i!\u201d, \u00eemi strigau mut.
\nSimpla mea corpolen\u0163\u0103, carnea cea st\u00e2njenitoare, s\u0103n\u0103tatea care \u00eemi lumina fruntea cu un felinar auriu constituiau un mare afront.
\nLe sim\u0163eam celorlal\u0163i iritarea lichid\u0103. (Asta m\u0103 f\u0103cea nesigur la mers – ca o umbr\u0103 pe catalige.)
\n-\u201eMai bine a\u015f fi fost bolnav!\u201d, \u00eemi spuneam \u00eencerc\u00e2nd s\u0103 m\u0103 strecor nev\u0103zut.
\n Vitalitatea mea era prea b\u0103t\u0103toare la ochi \u015fi \u00eemi provocase numai necazuri. Cum s\u0103 treci printre muribunzi, cu at\u00e2ta s\u0103n\u0103tate str\u0103lucind pe fa\u0163\u0103 ca o stea fosforescent\u0103?
\nNu e de mirare c\u0103, dup\u0103 un timp, bolnavii \u00eencepeau s\u0103 murmure \u2013 riscam s\u0103 fiu alergat prin saloane \u015fi s\u0103 fiu supus unor experien\u0163e \u00eengrozitoare!
\nA\u015fa c\u0103 \u00eemprumutam cu recuno\u015ftin\u0163\u0103 feluritele lor suferin\u0163e care str\u0103luceau ca ni\u015fte repere luminoase. Strategia aproape m\u0103 f\u0103cea nev\u0103zut:
\n – \u201e\u0102sta oricum urmeaz\u0103 s\u0103 moar\u0103\u201d, spuneau! (deodat\u0103 cu binef\u0103c\u0103toarea p\u00e2ine a iert\u0103rii lor. C\u00e2nd m-am n\u0103scut, mama mi-a spus c\u0103 eram a\u015fa slab, c\u0103 se \u00eenduio\u015faser\u0103 \u015fi zeii. Asta r\u0103m\u0103sese pentru mine lec\u0163ia s\u0103 fiu umil).<\/p>\n
\nD\u0103deau din m\u00e2inile r\u0103sucite ca ni\u015fte fulare inca\u015fe, bolnave de epilepsie, vr\u00e2nd s\u0103 spun\u0103 c\u0103 fuseser\u0103 acolo \u00eenaintea mea. C\u0103 locul acela trasat cu linie discontinu\u0103, prin g\u0103urile c\u0103ruia li se scursese agoniseala inimii, era al lor.
\n– \u201ePleac\u0103, pleac\u0103!\u201d, frem\u0103tau tentaculele lor nervoase (Mie mi se \u00eentorcea stomacul pe dos.) <\/p>\n
\nCel mai tare \u0163ipa (de fapt \u0163iuia) mirosul \u00eenalt de urin\u0103 de l\u00e2ng\u0103 vestiare \u015fi punctul \u00eenro\u015fit din scoar\u0163a periferic\u0103 a creierului cu care se \u00eenc\u0103p\u0103\u0163\u00e2nau s\u0103 m\u0103 urasc\u0103.
\n M\u0103 sim\u0163eam vinovat ca un cu\u0163it. Privirile lor \u00een\u0163epau insuportabil. Norocul meu str\u0103lucea pe frunte – o plag\u0103 fosforescent\u0103.
\nDar \u015fi eu \u00eenv\u0103\u0163asem s\u0103 m\u0103 prefac n\u0103t\u00e2ng \u2013 m\u0103 uitam \u00een cer decapitat, c\u0103 \u00eemi ploua \u00een g\u00e2t.
\nTo\u0163i produceau mu\u0163enie la greu, transpir\u00e2nd-o prin piele \u015fi la subsuori; m-am a\u015fezat \u015fi eu l\u00e2ng\u0103 ei pun\u00e2ndu-m\u0103 pe t\u0103cut. T\u0103cerea g\u00e2lg\u00e2ia. (Am v\u0103zut arterele unui cap la laboratorul de biologie al liceului \u2013 era un manechin prin canalele c\u0103ruia o pomp\u0103 mic\u0103, doritoare, f\u0103cea bule voioase prin s\u00e2nge)
\nDar asta era, n-aveam ce le face: trebuiau s\u0103 se obi\u015fnuiasc\u0103 \u015fi cu prezen\u0163a mea!
\nUrmau s\u0103 vad\u0103 ei dup\u0103 aceea!<\/p>\n
\nTrebuia s\u0103 accept asta ca pe o infirmitate, a\u015fa cum unii copii se n\u0103scuser\u0103 cu viitorul bolnav sau cu un picior de broasc\u0103 mort. (Eu m\u0103 n\u0103scusem pur \u015fi simplu.)
\nUra cea de toate zilele mirosea a miez de p\u00e2ine – o binecuv\u00e2ntat\u0103 prescur\u0103. \u00cemi pl\u0103cea \u015fi mie s\u0103-mi umflu burdihanul moale cu firimiturile ei la col\u0163ul z\u00e2mbetului. A\u015f fi murit cu pl\u0103cerea \u00een g\u00e2t, cu ochii sticlo\u015fi de recuno\u015ftin\u0163\u0103.
\nDar eram \u00een criz\u0103 de timp. Nu aveam nicio clip\u0103 pus\u0103 deoparte \u015fi trebuia s\u0103 m\u0103 asigur c\u0103 v\u00e2rful moale al inimii (un organ de altminteri foarte geometrizat, \u00een ciuda formei ei neeuclidiene) tic\u0103ia fragil.
\nMicile ei zv\u00e2cniri m\u0103 speriau. \u00cemi zdruncinau co\u015ful pieptului \u015fi d\u0103deau s\u0103 ias\u0103 prin c\u0103ma\u015f\u0103 afar\u0103. (Aveam o c\u0103ma\u015f\u0103 de gineric\u0103 b\u0103rbierit cu care m\u0103 \u00eempopo\u0163onaser\u0103 \u015fi \u00een sicriu. M\u0103 durea \u00eens\u0103 neaten\u0163ia: \u00eemi pierdusem un pantof la col\u0163ul aleii.)
\nMaimu\u0163a \u00eens\u0103 trebuia s\u0103 r\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 acolo.
\nZilele mi se adunau cocoloa\u015fe \u00een spinare. Furtunul de plastic al perfuziilor se poticnea \u00een sughi\u0163. Asistenta cea brunet\u0103 cu carne alb\u0103 \u00eemi d\u0103dea pumni \u00een spate – via\u0163a o lua pe g\u00e2t \u00een jos. (O priveam cum \u00ee\u015fi schimb\u0103 halatul \u00een mica chicinet\u0103.)
\n\u00cemi era tot mai greu. Cadranul cerului rusesc sc\u00e2ncea \u015fi mi se scurgea pe cre\u015ftet ca o \u00eenghe\u0163at\u0103 topit\u0103.
\n\u00cen aceste momente, \u00eemi puneam sub limb\u0103 o aspirin\u0103 care se dizolva rapid ca nitroglicerina sublingual\u0103 a unchiului meu cardiac \u015fi m\u0103 uitam \u00een jur: creierul meu producea o g\u0103l\u0103gie fenomenal\u0103, ca \u0163ipetele gr\u0103dinii zoologice, dar nimeni nu p\u0103rea c\u0103 o aude. (Aveam Filarmonica<\/em> \u00een cap). <\/p>\n
\nOamenii trebuiau \u00een\u015fela\u0163i, timpul dus cu vorba. Asta fusese prima mea \u015fmecherie (m\u0103 \u00eenv\u0103\u0163ase Lucan, colegul de liceu, ajuns unul dintre cei mai talenta\u0163i escroci de pe strada Lipscani).
\n-\u201eSecretul e s\u0103 intri \u00een sistem\u201d, spunea el febril!
\nOdat\u0103 intrat \u00een\u0103untru, nu mai ai altceva de f\u0103cut dec\u00e2t s\u0103 fii digerat. O duci acolo boiere\u015fte, ca la pu\u015fc\u0103rie: cas\u0103, mas\u0103, program. Pu\u015fc\u0103ria cea frumoas\u0103 ca o gr\u0103dini\u0163\u0103.
\nDar r\u0103m\u00e2neam tot \u00een exterior – un cer ostil, un stomac. Deja secre\u0163iile fierei lui veninoase \u00eencepuser\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 macereze: urma s\u0103 fiu transformat \u00een molecule calmogene, antrenat pe bulevardul hemoglobinei, nep\u0103s\u0103tor, cu logodnica la bra\u0163. <\/p>\n
\nEram sigur c\u0103 to\u0163i ar fi vrut s\u0103 pun\u0103 \u00eentreb\u0103ri care le st\u0103teau pe buze ca \u015fop\u00e2rlele, dar nu \u00eendr\u0103zneau, pentru c\u0103 le era team\u0103 c\u0103 se vor face de r\u00e2s.
\nA\u015fa c\u0103 preferau s\u0103 transpire mai departe t\u0103ceri care \u00eencepuser\u0103 \u00eens\u0103 s\u0103 miroase ur\u00e2t.
\nDeja scaunele \u00eencepuser\u0103 s\u0103 sc\u00e2r\u0163\u00e2ie de la nelini\u015ftea lor care striga: \u201enu eu sunt cel care v-am stricat aerul cu acest miros de gaze intestinale\u201d – c\u0103ci se exprimau civilizat. (Au existat unii care nu au rezistat acestei tensiuni psihologice \u015fi s-au deconspirat vinova\u0163i tr\u0103g\u00e2ndu-\u015fi un glon\u0163 r\u0103sun\u0103tor \u00een cap. V\u0103 pute\u0163i imagina ce teribil ecou…)<\/p>\n
\nM\u0103 sufocau golurile dintre ei, t\u0103cerile umflate ca ni\u015fte branhii de pe\u015fte.
\nDe\u015fi nu \u00eemi f\u0103ceam mari iluzii, \u00een zilele de vineri eram deprimat \u015fi mi se p\u0103rea c\u0103 sunt incapabil s\u0103 tr\u0103iesc. M\u0103 legam cu o basma la cap \u015fi m\u00e2ncam l\u0103pti\u015for de matc\u0103, \u00een timp ce aspirina de pe noptier\u0103 tic\u0103ia ca un ceas gol. (\u00cen tubul lor de plastic ca o navet\u0103 spa\u0163ial\u0103, micile pastile de acid acetil-salicilic sufereau de tahicardie.)
\nCol\u0163ul \u00een form\u0103 de s\u0103geat\u0103 al inimii de carne imita \u015fi el b\u0103taia de pleoap\u0103. Am tras cu el la \u0163int\u0103 \u015fi v\u00e2rful i s-a \u00eendoit.
\nMedicul mi-a spus c\u0103 am o electrocardiogram\u0103 de brot\u0103cel: \u00een genere, dac\u0103 mi se b\u0103tea urechea dreapt\u0103 a inimii, era de r\u0103u<\/em>. Sau de bine<\/em>, le amestecam. <\/p>\n
\nMie \u00eemi era tot mai greu, zilele se adunaser\u0103 toate ca o cocoa\u015f\u0103 \u00een spinarea mea (credeam c\u0103 e o excrescen\u0163\u0103 de carne).
\nNimeni nu m\u0103 ajuta \u2013 trebuia s\u0103 \u00eei fac clipei respira\u0163ie gur\u0103 la gur\u0103. Altminteri, se ducea dracului tot!
\n(\u00centreb\u00e2nd-o odat\u0103 pe so\u0163ia mea dac\u0103 ea crede \u00een atrac\u0163ia universal\u0103 a maselor, ea a spus c\u0103 \u015fi legile fizicii devin mai slabe cu trecerea timpului. Avea dreptate!)<\/p>\n
\nNimeni nu rupea bilete \u015fi afi\u015ful m\u0103 str\u00e2ngea la umeri, bumbacul paltonului explodase laolalt\u0103 cu ganglionii mei nelini\u015fti\u0163i.
\nM\u0103 sim\u0163eam ca naiba c\u0103 venisem \u015fi eu ne\u00eendem\u00e2natic peste ei.<\/p>\n
\n\u00cenainte de spectacol, tu\u015feam tot ce aveam \u00een g\u00e2t. Aveam voie s\u0103 ne \u00eenghi\u0163im flegmele \u00eenainte de hohotul de pl\u00e2ns al corului de al\u0103muri. (Sem\u0103nau cu orchestra jalnic\u0103 din cimitire. La cimitirul Ungureni era o c\u00e2rcium\u0103 ploioas\u0103 care m\u0103 atr\u0103gea ca un loc periculos.)
\nDin gura mea \u0163\u00e2\u015fneau ni\u015fte avortoni lucio\u015fi, iguane care o luau pe picioare l\u0103s\u00e2ndu-m\u0103 u\u015furat (cele mai multe r\u0103m\u00e2neau posibile…). \u00cei expectoram discret \u00eentr-o batist\u0103, dar unii o luau pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 scaune \u015fi urcau \u00een loj\u0103. Se c\u0103\u0163\u0103rau pe picioarele plasatoarelor rotunde ca ni\u015fte sticle de lamp\u0103.
\nDeseori, pref\u0103c\u00e2ndu-m\u0103 c\u0103 \u00eemi aluneca pixul pe parchet, aruncam c\u00e2te o privire sub fotoliile din stal, a\u015ftept\u00e2ndu-m\u0103 s\u0103 le v\u0103d spectatorilor r\u0103d\u0103cini sub t\u0103lpi. (\u00cen afar\u0103 de venele picioarelor, nu am v\u0103zut nimic. \u00cen copil\u0103rie puneam oglinda sub pantof \u015fi le priveam fetelor despic\u0103turile vaginale.) <\/p>\n
\nP\u0103\u015feam \u00een pronaosul bomb\u0103nelilor lor cu pas m\u0103runt, ca un balerin pe poante \u015fi le transmiteam prin t\u0103ceri ipocrite c\u0103 vor avea de furc\u0103 cu mine.
\nDe regul\u0103, \u00eent\u00e2rzierea mea amenin\u0163\u0103toare era perceput\u0103 imediat la adev\u0103rata ei semnifica\u0163ie: brusc, to\u0163i bufneau s\u0103 tu\u015feasc\u0103, apoi se puneau s\u0103 tac\u0103 \u015fi mai dens.
\n\u201eM\u0103i s\u0103 fie!\u201d, le transmiteam \u00eembufnat \u015fi to\u0163i tres\u0103reau cu spin\u0103rile \u0163epoase (le r\u0103m\u0103seser\u0103 a\u015fa de c\u00e2nd erau dinozauri), \u00een\u0163eleg\u00e2nd c\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 aici le-a fost.
\n Prezen\u0163a mea ilegitim\u0103 se a\u015feza \u00eentre ei, cu mirosurile sale nedorite, semnaliz\u00e2nd colorat ceea ce nu puteau s\u0103 contracareze oricum: faptul c\u0103, dup\u0103 o vreme, m\u0103 voi pune pe \u00eenmul\u0163it.
\nPe \u00eendesate, pe t\u0103cute, pe br\u00e2nci. P\u0103i cu cine credeau ei c\u0103 aveau de-a face?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"