{"id":5564,"date":"2010-09-20T15:50:27","date_gmt":"2010-09-20T13:50:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=5564"},"modified":"2010-09-29T08:26:01","modified_gmt":"2010-09-29T06:26:01","slug":"o-zi-buna","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/?p=5564","title":{"rendered":"A Fine Day"},"content":{"rendered":"

by\u00a0Mircea Daneliuc<\/strong><\/a> [Romania]<\/p>\n

translated from Romanian by Nigel Walker & Alina-Olimpia Miron [MTTLC student]<\/em><\/p>\n

pentru versiunea rom\u00e2n\u0103 click aici<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\u015etefi got off the tram and opened his umbrella. It had been raining since morning. Actually, it had rained all night long; he hadn\u2019t slept well and having awoken with a start several times, he had heard the gutter dripping. He crossed the street and entered the hospital.<\/p>\n

Marcela was in an eight-bed ward. He found her turned on one side, half her head under the sheet and her transfuser on the left. She also had two tubes up her nose. Not even when she opened her eyes did she budge. He placed his umbrella on one corner of the bed table. \u015etefi moved the sheet aside slightly and nervously seated himself on the iron bed side. He had brought her some fruit and yoghourt but had forgotten the bag on his lap. All the eyes in the room were on him and he knew it. A feeling of uneasiness came over him.<\/p>\n

He couldn\u2019t bring himself to look at her, though he knew it would be the right thing to do. A smitten mien, as was expected of him, might have added a bit more propriety to his overall demeanor Of course the situation had affected him; why should he pretend otherwise? It crushes you \u2013 that\u2019s the truth of it \u2013, you cannot bear it and it gnaws at you. Marcela was silently sobbing. All he could see was a cheek, savagely blackened under the eye, a bruise which had probably been caused by a blow to the crown of the head. That\u2019s how you get dark circles, right after you\u2019re hit on the head\u2026 He took her hand in his\u2026a desiccated, hollow hand he caressed, even if a bit clumsily. He noticed her swollen jaw. She\u2019s embarrassed, he thought.<\/p>\n

– Does it hurt?<\/p>\n

The girl tried to answer, but her hand gave a single short shake which indicated she could barely control herself. Her face into her pillow, the tears flooded her eyes. He looked at her and a sudden burst of tenderness seized him. He feared tears would also swamp him \u2013 that would have put the kibosh on everything! \u2013, so he moved one knee. He heard the bag rustle which made him forget the sensation he instinctively dreaded \u2013 God knows why, perhaps because a strange repulsion had also laid hold of him.<\/p>\n

– Of course it hurts, a voice from one of the beds answered him. They are giving her medicine. Doctor Nanu will be right in.<\/p>\n

This guy must be some kind of psychologist, he told himself, and placed the bag on the bed table, next to his umbrella which was drying off. He wavered between stopping her crying or telling her something. Or simply leaving her alone. \u00a0<\/p>\n

– What\u2019s in that tube, what do they put in it?<\/p>\n

He pointed to the transfuser, but all Marcela could do was move her lips, though to no avail; she turned on her back. Now he had a clear view of the bruises on her other side and her neck; she looked awful indeed. However, he refrained from showing it so as not to pain her even more and rested his eyes on the bed. He saw a bare leg. \u015etefi pulled the rumpled linen and realized she was naked. Her bed gown had curled up at her chest. He felt a soft, fleeting pain below his breastbone. He knew what there was, he could recreate her entire body, every little detail, every bit of it, eyes wide open. Especially that spot, her spot which formed three little pads. Two on her upper thighs, if he were to remember her gentle legs, and, of course, the other one…<\/p>\n

He turned his head to the window. The image he had conjured was quite troublesome, especially between those iron, paint-chipped beds. And rather indecent as well; a tepid irritation was slowly emerging and his sole desire was to instantly flee that place. He even rose to his feet.<\/p>\n

– Look, it has stopped…<\/p>\n

It was the rain he was talking about.<\/p>\n

– I have to go now. I have that thing at eleven. With those guys. I\u2019ll come by later in the afternoon. Would you like some compote?<\/p>\n

He realized \u2013 it wasn\u2019t that difficult \u2013 the other women had cast a reproachful glance at him. I couldn\u2019t give a fig.<\/p>\n

These god damn pigeons do nothing but shit all day! They\u2019re not worth a shit…his anger rose as he walked to the bus stop, treading through the armies of ring doves who didn\u2019t give a sod for his passing. Two doves flew up into the air \u2013 nothing more than a mere formality \u2013 to a few inches then descended to go back to\u00a0 the ground in a rather bored manner. He had forgotten his umbrella at the hospital, but hadn\u2019t realized it yet. When he had placed the bag on the bed table, he had hidden it. However, it wasn\u2019t raining anymore, so he didn\u2019t actually remember. In the end, the 15 bus came.<\/p>\n

\u015etefi managed to advance to the \u2018old people\u2019 section of the bus and gripped the recliner in front of him. Seated was a fifty-year-old guy, his hair dyed, with bangs; he didn\u2019t seem that much of a pensioner though. He had hung his umbrella on the same bar on which \u015etefi was holding his hand. There was a free seat a bit farther on, but he didn\u2019t feel like sitting down. He looked through the rain-drenched window: puddles and cars, their windscreen and back all splashed. He loved her. Now, he thought, she\u2019d like me to say: let\u2019s go to the Registry. Truth be told, he had never brought it up, but now more than ever she would have wanted to go through with it. Although, deep down she knows it cannot happen anymore. Not after all that mess. That\u2019s why she was crying. What stinking weather…<\/p>\n

His stop came up. He didn\u2019t hurry; the door in the rear was closer. He waited for the doors to open. Then, out of reflex, he grabbed the dangling umbrella and made for the exit door.<\/p>\n

– Hey! Mister! a voice turned him around. \u00a0<\/p>\n

It was the guy with the dyed hair and bangs.<\/p>\n

– Give me back my umbrella!<\/p>\n

– Oh, I\u2019m sorry, \u015etefi faltered, taking a step back. They all look the same\u2026<\/p>\n

– What the hell are you mumbling there? Have you not any shame?<\/p>\n

He decided not to prolong the discussion as people had already started to turn their eyes to him. He gave the man the umbrella and got off, his face red; as he descended, he could still hear the people bellowing at him.<\/p>\n

– I left it on the bed table. Fucking rag!<\/p>\n

And he threw a spit wad on the ground, furious the rain had set in again.<\/p>\n

Although his destination wasn\u2019t very far, he couldn\u2019t take a bus or a tram because public transportation is available only on certain routes. He could take a taxi. On second thoughts, after having remembered the contents of his wallet, he changed his mind. He got a move on as it was pouring heavily. He couldn\u2019t even take shelter in an alleyway; he had to be there by eleven. He raised his collar and stepped on it. He passed by a stall selling haberdashery and noticed it also sold umbrellas. Small, collapsible umbrellas. I bet they\u2019ve doubled the price on this wretched weather. After a few steps, he turned back. He risked getting soaked to the skin. That\u2019s that. Nothing I can do about it now. I\u2019m such an idiot!!!! He bought an umbrella.<\/p>\n

– Don\u2019t they all look the fuckin\u2019 same? he thought while pulling the cover off. Doesn\u2019t matter. I\u2019ll give it to her.<\/p>\n

Marcela lived in a squalid little house at the back of the yard, rather obscured from any view. Two rooms. Waggon-like. The landlord lived in the house next door which gave onto the street; the one in the back had been part of his inheritance and he let it out to female students. Her co-tenant wasn\u2019t present when the whole thing happened, she was in Dej, visiting her parents. \u00a0She hadn\u2019t returned yet. She probably hadn\u2019t even heard what had happened.<\/p>\n

He saw the Prosecutor\u2019s car in front. Two guys were inside. A sign on the doors read: Criminalist Laboratory. The gate was open. He saw a few people shivering with cold, cigarette in their mouths, cup of coffee in their hands. Not all of them had umbrellas. Some neighbours and the landlord\u2026They were all mucking about. The guy hadn\u2019t been brought yet from the big house.<\/p>\n

– Who are you? one of them asked, taking his cigarette out of his mouth.<\/p>\n

– I\u2019m family. There\u2019s no one else to come, \u015etefi said. I\u2019m her boyfriend.<\/p>\n

The prosecutor or the policeman \u2013 whatever the hell he was; he had civilian clothes on \u2013 threw a glance at him and said nothing. He just sipped his coffee.<\/p>\n

– Would you like a cup of coffee? a woman in a dressing gown asked. She had an amiable, though rather harried, look. He nodded, but the woman started to chatter like a magpie with the others and forgot to bring his coffee.<\/p>\n

Finally, \u015etefi heard a car come to a halt. They got him out. He was handcuffed. Not at all what \u015etefi had imagined him to be. He had expected a violator, a dark brute, you know the type. This fellow was lean and had a very cool haircut: his slick hair swept back and taken in around the ears. I wanted to get one of those, he found himself thinking.<\/p>\n

The people in the yard started to awake from their slumber: they downed their coffee, stubbed out some of the cigarettes, but they couldn\u2019t bring themselves to go out into the rain. Instead, they kept egging one another on.<\/p>\n

– Come on, let\u2019s get on with it…<\/p>\n

– Yeah, yeah\u2026First, let\u2019s have those in the house come out here!<\/p>\n

\u015etefi fixed his eyes on the new-comer as if something familiar \u2013 perhaps her mark \u2013 would be bound to emerge. From under the dripping umbrella, \u015etefi\u2019s eyes scrutinized the man: a rather stiff guy, didn\u2019t dare look too merry, when you\u2019re under arrest, you sit tight and don\u2019t piss anyone off; it won\u2019t do.<\/p>\n

– And where\u2019s the girl? a civilian asked.<\/p>\n

– At the hospital, \u015etefi answered, positive it was Marcela the guy meant.<\/p>\n

– Not that girl, man! And you are…?<\/p>\n

– Err…yes. I\u2019m family.<\/p>\n

– Not that girl.<\/p>\n

Then the guy looked towards the guard.<\/p>\n

– She changed her mind. We even went to her house to pick her up. Apparently the pay\u2019s not that good.<\/p>\n

– What the fuck? Am I the one paying her? Who is she?<\/p>\n

– An actress from the Ensemble.<\/p>\n

– An actress? Why not bring an agent, for Christ\u2019s sake?<\/p>\n

– I can\u2019t force her. If she wants to, fine, if not, that\u2019s that.<\/p>\n

– What in God\u2019s name are we going to do now? You better be here with one in five minutes! I don\u2019t care how you do it! Just get it done!<\/p>\n

– She won\u2019t do it! What the bloody hell can I do about it?<\/p>\n

– I\u2019ll report you. What the fuck are we gonna do?\u00a0<\/p>\n

Their faces ailing, the people in the yard watched the scene.<\/p>\n

– Fuckin\u2019 artistes!<\/p>\n

– Nothing we can do now! Might as well face it\u2026, a voiced dared to intervene. The victim\u2019s testimony has already been taken. Perhaps the lady here might want to do it so we can be done with everything.<\/p>\n

– Er\u2026.yes, the woman in the dressing gown said, though in a rather quavering voice.<\/p>\n

The prosecutor gave her a once-over and his face turned livid with disgust.<\/p>\n

– OK, nevermind\u2026Where\u2019s the guy?<\/p>\n

He was looking for \u015etefi. He beckoned him to come closer.<\/p>\n

– Are you in on everything?<\/p>\n

– Yes.<\/p>\n

– Has she told you the when, the what, the why?\u00a0 The whole deal?<\/p>\n

– She\u2019s in the hospital, but I know…uhmmm…the drill.<\/p>\n

– Very well. Can you play her?<\/p>\n

– I… er\u2026I don\u2019t know. Don\u2019t know if I\u2019m any good at it. I just came to see this through, you know…as part of the family.<\/p>\n

– Close that umbrella.<\/p>\n

The first thing they made the accused do was break the door: he had to peep through the windows and then wham! on the door. With his heel as he hadn\u2019t been uncuffed. The guys from the lab were filming and taking pictures with a digital camera; a reenactment-picture. Reenactment and pictures. There he is, \u015etefi thought, looking in through the window. Marcela was in the house. What do I do? Stay outside? he gestured to the prosecutor who gestured back: Just stay there.<\/p>\n

– But Marcela was inside…<\/p>\n

– I know, I know. It\u2019s fine. Be patient. C\u2019mon, what the hell you waitin\u2019 for? \u00a0Will you break that door already?<\/p>\n

– Harder than before?<\/p>\n

– Just hit the damn thing! the prosecutor yelled.<\/p>\n

So the delinquent \u2013 his type can\u2019t wait for such opportunities \u2013 hit the door so hard that he unhinged it. The landlord\u2019s face turned pale with resignation.<\/p>\n

– Ok. Back into the house. \u00a0Turn on the light.<\/p>\n

– Why have it on? the detective with the camera asked.<\/p>\n

– Wasn\u2019t it night time?<\/p>\n

– Well, say so then. So we know what we\u2019re doing here. I filmed in the dark.<\/p>\n

– Can\u2019t see anything on it.<\/p>\n

– What do you mean you can\u2019t see anything?<\/p>\n

– In broad daylight?<\/p>\n

– So what? The job is being done properly. Just so there won\u2019t be any complaints later.<\/p>\n

– Fine! Jesus! Do it right. Close that door, will you? Give it another kick.<\/p>\n

As the door wouldn\u2019t close, they propped a stool against it. And we\u2019re back: the guy from the lab filming, the delinquent hitting the door again\u2026.only this time it flew right into the house.<\/p>\n

– What the fuck are you doing???<\/p>\n

– But didn\u2019t you say to…?<\/p>\n

– God, nevermind… C\u2019mon, lad, hop on the bed.<\/p>\n

\u015etefi began to carefully wipe his shoes.<\/p>\n

– Leave it, it\u2019s fine! Let\u2019s move it! You\u2019re in bed, you\u2019re her and you are frightened. You just saw him break the door…<\/p>\n

\u00a0He pictured Marcela lying in bed, her eyes on her papers and the bastard barging in. She must have been scared out of her wits…<\/p>\n

– Show us, they asked him.<\/p>\n

\u015etefi focused for a brief moment and acted it out.<\/p>\n

– It\u2019s OK, go on.<\/p>\n

They even filmed him. The criminologist paused, clearly engrossed in his thoughts.<\/p>\n

– What went wrong? a policeman asked.<\/p>\n

– Couldn\u2019t we cover his face with something? It really doesn\u2019t matter that much.<\/p>\n

– Yeah? What with?<\/p>\n

\u015etefi looked from one to the other. What went wrong? They won\u2019t even come out with it.<\/p>\n

– A towel or something. Anything.<\/p>\n

– Here\u2019s a beanie hat.<\/p>\n

One of Marcela\u2019s beanie hats. He pulled it down to his mouth. He heard laughter outside, through the window. The people outside.<\/p>\n

– That\u2019s enough! somebody yelled. Quieeet! This is serious business! Can you see anything through it?<\/p>\n

– A bit… \u015etefi said.<\/p>\n

– Good. So: you\u2019re in bed (he points to \u015etefi) and you (pointing to the culprit) barge in on her after having broken the front door. First, you rummage through the wardrobe and the drawer; he, I mean she, puts up a fight and you hurl yourself at her. You know how you did it.<\/p>\n

– Wait, wait\u2026I hadn\u2019t come to steal\u2026.said the culprit<\/p>\n

– Is that right?<\/p>\n

– That\u2019s what I said…in the testimony. Please, don\u2019t pin this on me. Are you gonna charge me with robbery too?<\/p>\n

– You mean to say you came in resolved on fucking her, right? \u00a0<\/p>\n

\u015etefi listened, as stiff as a poker, the beanie hat over his eyes. He wasn\u2019t exactly a stranger to the past the two were discussing.<\/p>\n

– I came…to have a good time, the guy said.<\/p>\n

That means he knew her, \u015etefi infered, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts. Motherfuckers! He had stalked her. He had followed her.<\/p>\n

– Yeah, you were just itching to do it… So, now what do we do?<\/p>\n

– I told you. I ain\u2019t done no robbery… I\u2019ll cooperate, but don\u2019t pin this on me. I\u2019ve told you.<\/p>\n

– Then why did you break it?<\/p>\n

– I didn\u2019t! I broke it now! Here! Didn\u2019t it work when we started all this? \u00a0<\/p>\n

– Idiot, this door!!! This door!! Isn\u2019t this door broken???<\/p>\n

– Well, who made me break it? C\u2019mon, man, we had a deal, what the hell!<\/p>\n

– OK, OK, let\u2019s just calm down… Then how did you get in?<\/p>\n

– I knocked, she looked through the eyehole and that\u2019s when I got my foot in it.<\/p>\n

– And you didn\u2019t break it…<\/p>\n

– It wasn\u2019t broken before, was it now?<\/p>\n

– Let\u2019s start all over. Once again. Lights on! And open your fucking eyes! Door closed. Everybody, take your places. You\u2019re in bed and then you go see who\u2019s knocking. You\u2019re not frightened.<\/p>\n

What the hell does that mean?? \u015etefi thought, after having heard the knock. Was she waiting for him??<\/p>\n

This doubt hanging over his masked head, \u015etefi came to the door. The minute he touched it, the door fell to the ground. Laughs from the rain-drenched yard streamed in.<\/p>\n

– Enough! This is no show, one of the officials yelled. We\u2019re working here! Everybody take ten steps back! To the fence!<\/p>\n

The audience didn\u2019t object. The rat from the pack feigned getting his foot in the door after which he rushed inside, his hands on his lap.<\/p>\n

– Take his handcuffs off, said the one who had failed to bring the actress from the Ensemble. Take them off immediately!!! Can\u2019t you see he has no way out??<\/p>\n

– How? the prisoner said, holding out the handcuffs to the key.<\/p>\n

– Let\u2019s go! Get him to do it! Remain at the windows, bring back the door!<\/p>\n

His wrists free, everything went on much easier. The bastard got on top of him. In the middle of the bed, \u015etefi felt a surge of shame come over him as if he had puked on the guy; thank God he had that beanie hat over his eyes. He hadn\u2019t liked the idea at first…it was pretty embarrassing to let yourself get masked like that, but now it sure helps. How could two grown men look? One atop the other? Horrible. Don\u2019t even want to think about it! He tried to view himself from the outside: that bastard on top of him and himself under him, squeezed under that hat. Downright nauseating. He tried to make out something through the soft fabric which was already making him sweat like a pig. He made out some silhouettes. He pulled up the beanie a bit and saw that they were laughing their asses off, their hands covering the mouths. And the bastard on top of him was making it worse and worse.<\/p>\n

– What\u2019s the deal here? I\u2019ll be up and on my way out if this is for amusement.<\/p>\n

– No, no, please, wait! We\u2019ll be done soon.<\/p>\n

– But I don\u2019t get it… Is this a circus or what?<\/p>\n

– Do it right, the prosecutor snapped at the offender, or I\u2019ll knock some sense into that head of yours!<\/p>\n

But \u015etefi could clearly see the prosecutor was this close to burst out laughing.<\/p>\n

– What did I do?<\/p>\n

They could barely restrain themselves. \u015etefi didn\u2019t object. If he walked out on them now, God knows when he\u2019d get hold of them again. He had a direct interest in this. But, wait, hadn\u2019t the bastard come to rob the house? Meaning what? Had he come to have it off? Such a thought appalled him.. How did you meet Marcela? he would have wanted to ask him. But how? Oh, the poor thing, how she must have screamed and fought back….And no one to hear her! \u00a0He could have wrung her neck.<\/p>\n

He felt the guy\u2019s hand between his legs. That\u2019s what he must have done with her too. He froze. That fucking bastard was really into her. No play or pretending whatsoever. He grabbed his arm, threw the guy off him, but, somehow, the whole thing came out rather feminine and weak. Add to that the beanie hat over his visage. And subdued sniggering\u2026He didn\u2019t protest. He just wanted to get out of there. His face was burning up under the beanie, he could imagine those cretins staring at him, but the most unpleasant thing was that the guy\u2019s touch didn\u2019t feel as loathsome as before. It was rather bearable…That\u2019s what he found unpalatable. Had Marcela felt the same?….Perhaps while you struggle, the body is alert to every touch, so your perception of every physical feeling is increased.<\/p>\n

– Oh, c\u2019mon, what the hell is this? he heard the criminalist say.<\/p>\n

– He won\u2019t sit still!<\/p>\n

– You know what, enough of this. Just show what and how it happened. That\u2019s what we settled on.<\/p>\n

– Yes, boss…<\/p>\n

– Clear?<\/p>\n

– Clear.<\/p>\n

\u015etefi grinned and bore it. That bastard, a fucking redneck, resumed his explorations, which triggered his former vision of Marcela\u2019s three-padded spot. A spot dedicated only to him. The thought that that moron entered that space \u2013 his shoes on \u2013 which he already felt as part of his soul was crushing and so cruel! Unbearable! When the brute pressed his gut against him, he started to desperately fight back and struggle. He hated him. He threw a strong punch right at him. That\u2019s how she must have endured, he thought.<\/p>\n

– No, no…the prosecutor cooled him down. That\u2019s enough.<\/p>\n

What? What\u2019s enough? Did she struggle or not? Do they know something I don\u2019t? Are they saying Marcela didn\u2019t put up a fight? Fuckin\u2019 jerks. Then how did she get those bruises? Anyway…maybe I\u2019ve overinterpreted it.<\/p>\n

And his struggles lessened. That idiot was trying to kiss his ears. \u015etefi tried to keep away out of reflex, but he had the beanie hat on his face, so the bastard could do whatever. Thing is…all this time he had thought rape was a stressful and hellish business. What about the pleasure? Because pleasure and volition don\u2019t always find common ground. You can struggle, you can reject the guy, you can say no, but does your body listen? Because the body has a mind of its own, it doesn\u2019t give a crap about what you think. There have been cases of rapes where there was pleasure.<\/p>\n

A chill went down his spine as he felt the other guy\u2019s body heat invade him. He realized the thought had been gnawing at him since the day before. Even this morning, at the hospital. Who knows…maybe she had an orgasm, she probably did, it doesn\u2019t really depend on you; that\u2019s why they said to take it slow. They must know something \u2013 this prick must have declared something, she must have put up a fight, but not for long. Only she knows. However, I don\u2019t think there was much to that orgasm; I know her; she\u2019s a serious girl. Maybe just a small shock. I\u2019d ask the fucker, but I can\u2019t. She might have had one; who knows? That\u2019s why she\u2019s crying and hating herself. Hating us all. Yes, she must have felt it. I\u2019m almost positive.<\/p>\n

The doubt crushed his self-esteem and left him feeling numb, left him prey to this simulated abuse against which he didn\u2019t struggle anymore. At ease, he waited for the violence and the rest.<\/p>\n

– Ok, the criminalist stopped the camera \u2013 you see, telepathy! \u2013, now start punching the shit outta him!<\/p>\n

– But this isn\u2019t where I…said the accused.<\/p>\n

– Well, where?<\/p>\n

– Over there, by the phone.<\/p>\n

What?! said \u015etefi – So he didn\u2019t beat her here, on the bed, while she was struggling to break free?…By the phone?!<\/p>\n

– By the phone? he heard himself asking out loud.<\/p>\n

– What if she said she\u2019d call the police? I told her nicely\u2026whether you call or not, it\u2019s the same\u2026but don\u2019t call, cuz I\u2019ll rip you in two!<\/p>\n

– So she called?<\/p>\n

– Yeah, she called… Where was I?<\/p>\n

So, the beating was afterwards…Just peachy. Did you see?!<\/p>\n

He got off the bed and arranged his hat. Then he went sadly to the phone and waited for something to happen.<\/p>\n

– How did you do it? he heard a voice ask.<\/p>\n

He felt the swish in the air, but the hit didn\u2019t come. \u00a0<\/p>\n

– And?<\/p>\n

Another swish. He bulged his eyes as much as possible through the fabric. That bugger was giving himself the luxury of sparing him. He was doing a sort of ballet, throwing his fist from the side and carefully refraining from hitting him the instant he should have. Ditto for the belly. So he had hit her in the belly!…And again, an imaginary wallop in the jaw. What an idiotic thing to do! And again, what is commonly known as a whack. \u015etefi stuck it out for a while. Nobody was giggling anymore. They had begun to yawn. In the end, he became as bored as the lot of them.<\/p>\n

Fucking whore, the fucking nerve! Tell me to my face! Tell me to my face he forced you! You think I\u2019m some dumb fool you can lead on?! It doesn\u2019t even matter if he forced you. We\u2019re done! And you still have the gall to trick me with the warmth of a nice home? You felt every bit of it! Shut the hell up! I\u2019m gonna strip you of all those needles in your veins…let\u2019s see you then….let\u2019s see if you\u2019ll have the guts to look into my eyes and tell the truth!<\/p>\n

The next instant he felt something warm on his hand. A flyswat. Bird poo!…SHITTY ring doves!! I\u2019ll destroy you! A little bit of ratsbane will be the death of you all! \u00a0There are moments when you feel like breaking something. What the hell am I gonna use to wipe this crap off?!<\/p>\n

He was just passing behind a stall with a huge plastic cover (apparently against the rain); he grabbed a chunk of it. My Lord! he heard the florist mumbling in a terrified tone along with the swish. He didn\u2019t answer any of her reprimands. He took a few steps and rubbed his hand on a pole. Not much of a success. He left in a fury and vanished into the crowd.<\/p>\n

It stopped raining. He entered the hospital waving his pliable umbrella. His thoughts kept cramming just like old people in a queue, so he kept waving and waving and waving. As he was going up the stairs, he began to question the whole thing. How are you going to ask her all those questions with these women here? If you\u2019re gonna break it, you better do it fast. Afterwards it\u2019s definitely going to be harder. Just to think of touching what that hound had been feeding on gives me the creeps…. She did feel everything, she did have an orgasm, I\u2019m positive she did! \u201dTo have a good time\u201d! Twelve years at least! I can\u2019t fucking believe it! Jesus, I forgot the compote!<\/p>\n

He slowly opened the door and looked inside. A few women stared at him. He nodded and waited for them to cover themselves. A sign of civility which didn\u2019t pass unnoticed. Marcela didn\u2019t move. He took a step closer and saw that she was asleep. This was rather unexpected. What to do?<\/p>\n

– Do you want to wake her up? Touch her, one of the women encouraged him.<\/p>\n

No, he didn\u2019t want to. He hadn\u2019t had a chance to wash his hands and he couldn\u2019t do it at this sink here. He looked at her. Deep asleep, her transfusion in the vein. They must have changed the phial. This one had a different color. She was sleeping so soundly that he realized he\u2019d never be able to ask those questions. What answer do you think she\u2019ll give you? And to top it all, you\u2019re going to make a fool of…Just like she does in a booth at the swimming pool while you\u2019re lying on the sheet, waiting for her to come out. Better leave those questions unanswered. No, because that time he used force and when you use force, it\u2019s completely different. It usually doesn\u2019t count. But, my God, how are you going to touch her now? You\u2019ll feel him there…that ghoul, that gonococcus. And you think you\u2019re going to be tainted. Even if by force…She must be thinking she really did have no choice, that he had forced her into it, and you\u2019re sitting here worrying your wretched self. She\u2019s peaceful. Just look at her sleep.<\/p>\n

He realized the women in the ward were curiously waiting for him to do something, not just stand there sheepishly. Wake her up. Sit on the bed. Curious cats: how often do you see a fool come to visit his raped girlfriend in the hospital? What they\u2019re waiting for: your show of feelings. That\u2019s what they\u2019re after. Once they see it, they\u2019ll back off and forget. He didn\u2019t feel like waking her; sleep, we\u2019ll talk later. He noticed his umbrella on the corner of the bed table and took it.<\/p>\n

– I just came to get this. Let her sleep, he whispered, I\u2019ll return tomorrow.<\/p>\n

Utterly relieved, he left the hospital.<\/p>\n

The thought that he hadn\u2019t made a decision kept pestering him. Tomorrow I\u2019ll think things through; a more gutless and humiliating idea might pop up. Another night of insomnia. I\u2019m beat.<\/p>\n

The rain had stopped. In the twilight, it was getting thinner anyway. He hung the two umbrellas on his arm and quickly jumped over the puddles as the tram was also coming. Having reached the door, he got in line, waiting for those gathered at the stairs to flood the tram. He had quite a few people in front of him.<\/p>\n

– I see you\u2019ve had a fine day… he heard a voice next to him.<\/p>\n

The voice sounded familiar.<\/p>\n

It was the man with the dyed hair and bangs. The one he had met this morning in the bus. He looked at his umbrellas.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by\u00a0Mircea Daneliuc [Romania] translated from Romanian by Nigel Walker & Alina-Olimpia Miron [MTTLC student] pentru versiunea rom\u00e2n\u0103 click aici \u015etefi got off the tram and opened his umbrella. It had been raining since morning. Actually, it had rained all night long; he hadn\u2019t slept well and having awoken with a start several times, he had […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[615,22],"tags":[304,1150,644,580,1116,312],"class_list":["post-5564","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-28","category-short-story","tag-alina-olimpia-miron","tag-egophobia-28","tag-mircea-danieluc","tag-nigel-walker","tag-short-story","tag-translation"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-1rK","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5564","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5564"}],"version-history":[{"count":16,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5564\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5717,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5564\/revisions\/5717"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5564"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5564"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5564"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}