de \u015etefan Bolea<\/p>\n
click here<\/a> for the English version <\/p>\n Ajunsesem la un punct mort. Re\u00eencepusem s\u0103 pre\u0163uiesc virtu\u0163ile anului \u20131. Neautenticitate patent\u0103. For\u0163a gravita\u0163ional\u0103 excesiv\u0103 a melancoliei. Aerul greu, spiritul greu, acedia<\/em> ca un co\u015fciug. O traum\u0103 idioat\u0103 m\u00e2nca din mine ca un vierme gras din sufletul mumificat al lui Banquo. \u015ei teribila alian\u0163\u0103 a instinctelor \u00eemi proiecta melancolia ca un mecanism de supravie\u0163uire. Mai era \u015fi dezgustul fa\u0163\u0103 de rod. Vrei s\u0103 te ridici deasupra ta? Vrei s\u0103 cre\u015fti ca un nor negru care deschide calea uraganului? Vrei s\u0103 fii semiluna lui Baiazid din Scrisoarea III<\/em>? Vrei s\u0103 fii mu\u015fc\u0103tura \u015farpelui, bisturiul sau slam-dunk-ul lui Dwayne Wade peste cinci ap\u0103r\u0103tori? \u201eI am become Death, the destroyer of worlds\u2026\u201d Nu vei fi nici una din cele de mai sus. Dar vei cre\u015fte cu mai mult\u0103 ur\u0103 \u015fi resentiment \u015fi cu mai mult\u0103 dragoste vitriolat\u0103. Experimentezi depresia cuceritorului \u015fi a st\u0103p\u00e2nului de sclavi, nu cea a nevolnicului sau a frustratului, care condamn\u0103 strugurii. Dar totu\u015fi \u0163i-e sil\u0103, oric\u00e2t de satisf\u0103cut ai fi c\u0103 ceva s-a \u00eemplinit. \u0162i-e sil\u0103 de realisatio<\/em>, experimentezi micimea, incredibilul de \u00eencurajator sentiment al facelessness<\/em>-ului, dezam\u0103girea unui dezacord, care te p\u0103lmuie\u015fte din gheare\u2026 Sentimentul de insatisfac\u0163ie \u015fi repulsie, senza\u0163ia de gol interior, ca s\u0103 mimez un cli\u015feu, senza\u0163ia c\u0103 te-ai aruncat \u00eentr-o f\u00e2nt\u00e2n\u0103 \u015fi nu mai dai de fund iar secunda de groaz\u0103 \u0163ine c\u00e2t distan\u0163a temporal\u0103 de la Bing Bang la apocalips\u0103, toate aceste mici \u2013 s\u0103 zicem \u2013 \u201ene\u00eempliniri\u201d te motiveaz\u0103, te ascut \u015fi \u00ee\u0163i esen\u0163ializeaz\u0103 fulgerul. S\u0103 lup\u0163i \u00een rezisten\u0163\u0103, chiar dac\u0103 \u015ftii c\u0103 e\u015fti din ultima celul\u0103, pentru c\u0103 doar \u00een str\u0103funduri \u00eencol\u0163e\u015fte floarea dinamitei. \u00cen fine, acesta era background<\/em>-ul. Am reu\u015fit s\u0103 ies din propriul morm\u00e2nt datorit\u0103 unor triple circumstan\u0163e favorabile. M\u0103 sim\u0163eam ca-n Limitless<\/em>, \u00eemi veneau str\u0103lucite idei structurale, scriam ca \u00een trans\u0103, m\u0103 trezeam. M-am trezit? \u00cenc\u0103 nu \u015ftiu sigur, poate este doar un false awakening<\/em>. You have to struggle constantly, otherwise you shall constantly lose<\/em>. \u00cen alt\u0103 ordine de idei, \u00eemi pl\u0103cea senza\u0163ia p\u0103\u015firii pe teren virgin, chiar dac\u0103 era minat. Eram obsedat \u00eentr-o var\u0103 de ideea sinuciderii, despre care scriam un eseu (citisem mult\u0103 antropologie \u015fi sociologie). Finalizasem cumva tema, de\u015fi nu eram mul\u0163umit de concluziile mele. M-am \u00eentors cu un grad \u00eenainte de punctul culminant \u015fi, observ\u00e2nd c\u0103 adoptasem cumva direc\u0163ia bunului sim\u0163 (direc\u0163ie pe care \u015fi alt cercet\u0103tor putea s\u0103 mearg\u0103), am remarcat c\u0103 exista o alt\u0103 rut\u0103 riscant\u0103, pe care aveam \u015fansa s\u0103 pariez, de\u015fi pe acest drum nu m-ar fi urmat nimeni. \u015ei am f\u0103cut ajustarea, de\u015fi mi-a fost mult mai greu s\u0103 ap\u0103r sau s\u0103 argumentez ipotezele noi. Am sim\u0163it cumva c\u0103 ies afar\u0103, c\u0103 v\u0103d\/g\u00e2ndesc dincolo \u015fi poate era un detaliu minor sau, dimpotriv\u0103, \u00eenv\u0103\u0163am s\u0103 \u00een\u0163eleg transgresiunea. \u00cenc\u0103 dou\u0103 lucruri despre scris, unul care m\u0103 irit\u0103 \u015fi altul care m\u0103 amuz\u0103, un adev\u0103rat ego<\/em> booster<\/em>. Cuvintele nu<\/em> (prea) conteaz\u0103. Trebuia s\u0103 apar\u0103 semne pe cer, cearc\u0103ne \u00een creierul zeilor, cutremure, ciocniri interplanetare, dac\u0103 intensitatea st\u0103rilor care au produs poemele mele ar fi rezonat cu cosmosul. La o scar\u0103 mult mai modest\u0103, voiam s\u0103 v\u0103d un efect oarecare \u00een creierul \u015fi \u00een anima cuiva. Oricui. It feels like masturbation sometimes\u2026<\/em> You write, take death inside your heart, because you kill natural life when you live in writer\u2019s time and sometimes purposelessness makes you choke or puke<\/em>. Pe de alt\u0103 parte, sunt articulat, you can hate me but you know I\u2019m right.<\/em> Pot s\u0103 potrivesc cuvintele \u00een a\u015fa fel \u00eenc\u00e2t primesc agilitatea \u015fi ascu\u0163imea unei arme albe. Totu\u015fi, uneori m\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc s\u0103 pun parol\u0103 la editorialele de la EgoPHobia \u015fi s\u0103 le deschid doar celor care ajung \u00een vecin\u0103tatea epilepsiei datorit\u0103 dezgustului \u015fi revoltei. Celor care distrug-cre\u00e2nd le-a\u015f scris texte personalizate, cu instruc\u0163iuni ca-n proiectul Mayhem: dac\u0103 nu putem \u00eenjunghia sistemul, s\u0103 ne destindem cu mici acte de sabotaj, care nu fac r\u0103u nim\u0103nui dar ridic\u0103 multe semne de \u00eentrebare. Uneori \u015fi asta mi se pare lame<\/em> \u015fi \u00eemi vine s\u0103-mi parolez toate textele \u015fi s\u0103 nu dau nim\u0103nui combina\u0163ia. Pe de alt\u0103 parte, scrisul mi se pare o fatalitate \u015fi vreau s\u0103-mi \u00eenchei cariera cu mai multe c\u0103r\u0163i de peste 1000 de pagini, postume bine\u00een\u0163eles. I\u2019m starting to feel that I\u2019m hard to follow and I really need a cigarette break so that\u2019s it.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" de \u015etefan Bolea click here for the English version clique aqui para ver a vers\u00e3o em portugu\u00eas Ajunsesem la un punct mort. Re\u00eencepusem s\u0103 pre\u0163uiesc virtu\u0163ile anului \u20131. Neautenticitate patent\u0103. For\u0163a gravita\u0163ional\u0103 excesiv\u0103 a melancoliei. Aerul greu, spiritul greu, acedia ca un co\u015fciug. O traum\u0103 idioat\u0103 m\u00e2nca din mine ca un vierme gras din […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[124,731],"tags":[1128,1152,39],"class_list":["post-6844","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-editorial","category-egophobia-31","tag-editorial","tag-egophobia-31","tag-stefan-bolea"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-1Mo","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6844","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6844"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6844\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6883,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6844\/revisions\/6883"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6844"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6844"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6844"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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