[comedie \u00eentr-un singur act]<\/b><\/p>\n
de Daniel Stuparu<\/p>\n
\n
\nDramatis Personae: <\/i>
\nB\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL
\nSTR\u0102INUL
\n <\/p>\n
\nAc\u0163iunea se desf\u0103\u015foar\u0103 \u00een preajma ruinelor unui castel medieval, \u00eentr-un sat de munte. \u00cen apropiere, o poart\u0103 mare, de fier blocheaz\u0103 accesul spre ruine. \u00cen fundal, se aude \u015fuieratul unui tren \u015fi scr\u00e2\u015fnetul sabo\u0163ilor de fr\u00e2n\u0103. Dup\u0103 c\u00e2teva clipe, un nou \u015fuierat \u015fi zgomotul sacadat al aceluia\u015fi tren ce se pune \u00een mi\u015fcare. Zi canicular\u0103 de var\u0103. Undeva \u00een spate, cocioaba s\u0103r\u0103c\u0103cioas\u0103 a b\u0103tr\u00e2nelului. Acesta, cu o p\u0103l\u0103rie de paie pe cap \u015fi cu m\u0103nu\u015fi de gr\u0103dinar pe m\u00e2ini, lucreaz\u0103 \u00eengenuncheat la r\u0103d\u0103cina unei tufe de trandafir s\u0103lbatic sub soarele dogoritor al amiezii, la marginea zidului ce \u00eenconjoar\u0103 ruinele. E at\u00e2t de absorbit de munca lui \u00eenc\u00e2t nu observ\u0103 c\u00e2nd str\u0103inul \u2013 un tip \u00eentre dou\u0103 v\u00e2rste \u00een pardesiu, cu ochelari pe nas \u015fi favori\u0163i – se apropie de el impozant, cu gesturi teatrale \u015fi plin de sine.<\/i>
\n
\nSTR\u0102INUL (tu\u015find zgomotos, afectat): Hm-hm!<\/p>\n
(B\u0103tr\u00e2nelul r\u0103m\u00e2ne o clip\u0103 locului; se opre\u015fte din s\u0103pat, ciulind urechea. Apoi, ca \u015fi cum i s-ar fi p\u0103rut doar c\u0103 aude ceva, d\u0103 nedumerit din umeri \u015fi repune \u00een mi\u015fcare s\u0103p\u0103liga).<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (surprins, aproape r\u0103stit, cu emfaz\u0103): Bun\u0103 ziua!<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (\u00eentorc\u00e2nd, abia acum, nedumerit privirea c\u0103tre str\u0103in): Ha?<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (nervos): Ce \u201eha\u201d, domnule? Am spus \u201ebun\u0103 ziua\u201d!<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (meditativ): \u00centr-adev\u0103r, e o zi bun\u0103. (apoi, mai mult c\u0103tre sine, \u00eentorc\u00e2ndu-se la tufa de trandafiri) Partea asta de gr\u0103din\u0103 e gata. Mai r\u0103m\u00e2ne cea din interior, dar de aia o s\u0103 m\u0103 ocup m\u00e2ine.<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (enervat de-a binelea): A-lo! Dom-nu-le!<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (\u00eentorc\u00e2ndu-se spre str\u0103in, cu aceea\u015fi inocen\u0163\u0103): Ha?<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (\u00ee\u015fi iese din pepeni): Nu mai \u201eha\u201d domnule, c\u0103 \u0163i se-apleac\u0103! Ce tot \u201eha, ha\u201d! \u00ce\u0163i ba\u0163i joc de mine? Am nevoie de o informa\u0163ie!<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (filosofic): A-ha! Bine, drag\u0103.<\/p>\n
(Se \u00eentoarce din nou, netulburat, la tufa de trandafiri).<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (ro\u015fu de furie, se apropie de b\u0103tr\u00e2nel \u015fi-l ia de guler): Domnule, ascult\u0103 aici! Eu cu cine mama dracului vorbesc?<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (inofensiv): Da\u2019 eu de unde Doamne iart\u0103-m\u0103 s\u0103 \u015ftiu cu cine vorbe\u015fti matale? Poate chiar cu ea!<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (f\u0103c\u00e2nd eforturi vizibile de a r\u0103m\u00e2ne calm): Domnule, habar nu ai cu cine te pui! Sunt un academician!<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (\u00eencurcat): A-ca-ca… cum zise\u015fi, bre?<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (puf\u0103ind ca un tren, \u00eencearc\u0103 s\u0103 se calmeze): Caut un complex muzeal \u2013 \u015ftiu c\u0103 nu ai habar ce e \u0103la, las\u0103… \u201eGr\u0103dina Hesperidelor\u201d \u00eei zice, tataie! Mi s-a spus c\u0103 se afl\u0103 pe-aici, prin apropiere.<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (distrat): Aici, aici…<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (cu o umbr\u0103 de speran\u0163\u0103 ren\u0103sc\u00e2ndu-i \u00een ochi): Deci am nimerit bine?<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (bucur\u00e2ndu-se de bucuria celuilalt, ca un copil): Ai nimerit foarte bine!<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (\u00eei d\u0103 drumul din str\u00e2nsoare, r\u0103sufl\u00e2nd u\u015furat): Tataie, cum intru \u00een\u0103untru?<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (la fel de distrat): \u00cen\u0103untru?<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (scos din nou din s\u0103rite): \u00cen gr\u0103din\u0103 bre, dr\u0103cia dracului de treab\u0103!<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (mirat, la fel de calm, ar\u0103t\u00e2nd spre tufele de trandafiri): P\u0103i \u00een gr\u0103din\u0103 ne afl\u0103m, cona\u015fule!<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (\u00eentr-un acces de furie, lu\u00e2ndu-l gura pe dinainte): Nu la asta m\u0103 refer, mo\u015f \u0163icnit ce e\u015fti, eu vreau s\u0103 ajung \u00een \u201eGr\u0103dina Hesperidelor\u201d! Acolo se afl\u0103 comoara ce o caut!<\/p>\n
(Se opre\u015fte apoi brusc, ca \u015fi cum ar fi divulgat o mare tain\u0103.)<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (\u015fugub\u0103\u0163, ca unul care st\u0103 de vorb\u0103 cu un nebun): Ce tot vorbe\u015fti matale acolo?<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (exasperat, renun\u0163\u0103 la explica\u0163ii): Poarta, bre, de la intrare e deschis\u0103?<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (enigmatic): Poarta e \u00eentotdeauna deschis\u0103…<\/p>\n
(Ne\u00eencrez\u0103tor, str\u0103inul se duce spre poart\u0103, trage de ea cu putere, f\u0103r\u0103 succes, \u015fi se \u00eentoarce ro\u015fu ca un rac fiert.)<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (scr\u00e2\u015fnind din din\u0163i): Cum mama m\u0103-sii s\u0103 fie deschis\u0103?<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (ridic\u00e2nd din spr\u00e2ncene): Cum Doamne iart\u0103-m\u0103 s\u0103 nu fie deschis\u0103?<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (sco\u0163\u00e2nd aburi pe n\u0103ri): Matale ai cheia de la poart\u0103?<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (la fel de mirat): Ce nevoie am de cheie bre, dac\u0103 poarta e tot timpul deschis\u0103?<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (bate din picioare \u00eentr-o gestic\u0103 pueril\u0103 de copil r\u0103sf\u0103\u0163at): Aahhh!<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (sf\u0103tos): Vino la mo\u015fu\u2019, a\u015feaz\u0103-te la umbra m\u0103rului de colo, cred c\u0103 ai \u00eenceput s\u0103 aiurezi din pricina soarelui.<\/p>\n
(D\u0103 s\u0103-i a\u015feze str\u0103inului pe cap p\u0103l\u0103ria de paie.)<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (enervat la culme): Ia-\u0163i p\u0103l\u0103ria de-aici, b\u0103tr\u00e2n ramolit ce e\u015fti! Sunt un academician! (\u015fuier\u00e2nd apoi c\u0103tre sine) Am s\u0103 intru \u00een gr\u0103din\u0103 cu orice pre\u0163! Nu am venit at\u00e2ta drum degeaba!<\/p>\n
(Se repede spre cocioaba b\u0103tr\u00e2nelului, unde, sprijinit\u0103 de gura podului, se g\u0103se\u015fte o scar\u0103 de lemn. O ia pe um\u0103r, murd\u0103rindu-\u015fi pardesiul, \u015fi se repede cu ea spre zid, proptind-o de acesta.)<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (fatidic): E cam \u015fubred\u0103 scara…<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (devenit \u00eentre timp orb \u015fi surd de furie \u015fi ambi\u0163ie academic\u0103): Taci, vierme, s\u0103 nu mai aud gura ta! (c\u0103tre sine) Nimic nu m\u0103 mai poate opri!<\/p>\n
(Porne\u015fte apoi av\u00e2ntat pe scar\u0103, care cedeaz\u0103 pe la jum\u0103tatea ascensiunii \u015fi str\u0103inul aterizeaz\u0103 \u00eentr-o o tuf\u0103 de trandafir s\u0103lbatic. Se ridic\u0103 anevoie, zg\u00e2riat pe fa\u0163\u0103, cu p\u0103rul v\u00e2lvoi, pierdut.)<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (exasperat, cu aceea\u015fi atitudine infantil\u0103): Aaaa-hhh!<\/p>\n
B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL (\u00eemp\u0103ciuitor): Stai fiule, ce te-agi\u0163i? \u0162i-am spus doar…<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (demonic): Gura! P\u00e2n\u0103 nu \u0163i-o sparg! (Furios, \u00ee\u015fi potrive\u015fte ochelarii cule\u015fi de pe jos, cu rama \u00eendoit\u0103 \u015fi o lentil\u0103 cr\u0103pat\u0103. Porne\u015fte apoi cu elan spre poarta de metal, autosugestion\u00e2ndu-se juvenil.) Trebuie doar s\u0103 vreau \u015fi voi reu\u015fi! (D\u0103 s\u0103 se urce, dar \u00ee\u015fi aga\u0163\u0103 haina \u00een grilajul por\u0163ii masive. Cade \u00eenapoi \u00een praf, cu pardesiul sf\u00e2\u015fiat \u015fi o mirare t\u00e2mp\u0103 \u00eentip\u0103rit\u0103 pe fa\u0163\u0103, stupefiat.) Aaahhh! Nu pot s\u0103 cred c\u0103 mi se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 una ca asta! Tocmai mie? Aaaahhh!<\/p>\n
(B\u0103tr\u00e2nelul, care a urm\u0103rit calm toat\u0103 scena, d\u0103 din umeri, \u00ee\u015fi potrive\u015fte pe cap p\u0103l\u0103ria r\u0103mas\u0103 \u00een m\u00e2ini \u015fi se \u00eentoarce la tufele lui. Str\u0103inul reia asaltul, reu\u015fe\u015fte s\u0103 urce poarta \u015fi sare apoi dincolo. Se aude o bufnitur\u0103 \u00eenfundat\u0103, dup\u0103 care o serie de vaiete \u00een surdin\u0103.)<\/p>\n
STR\u0102INUL (muieratic): Picio-rul! Mi-am rupt…<\/p>\n
(Nu apuc\u0103 \u00eens\u0103 s\u0103-\u015fi termine fraza. L\u0103tr\u0103turile unei haite de dul\u0103i h\u0103mesi\u0163i acoper\u0103 gemetele str\u0103inului \u00eentr-un vacarm de m\u00e2r\u00e2ituri \u015fi furie animalic\u0103 dezl\u0103n\u0163uit\u0103, dup\u0103 care se face brusc lini\u015fte. B\u0103tr\u00e2nelul ridic\u0103 din nou, inofensiv, din umeri, mai potrive\u015fte o palm\u0103 de p\u0103m\u00e2nt la r\u0103d\u0103cina unui tufe de trandafir, dup\u0103 care \u00ee\u015fi str\u00e2nge ustensilele – s\u0103p\u0103liga, foarfeca de gr\u0103din\u0103 – \u015fi le pune \u00eentr-o boccelu\u0163\u0103. Se \u00eendreapt\u0103 apoi spre copac, la poalele c\u0103ruia se g\u0103sesc o puzderie de mere aurii, \u00eempr\u0103\u015ftiate prin iarb\u0103. Culege unul de jos, la \u00eent\u00e2mplare, \u00eel \u015fterge cu m\u00e2neca hainei, \u00ee\u015fi potrive\u015fte desaga pe um\u0103r, mu\u015fc\u0103 cu poft\u0103 din fruct \u015fi se \u00eendep\u0103rteaz\u0103 apoi f\u0103r\u0103 grab\u0103.)<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Cortina <\/i><\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
[comedie \u00eentr-un singur act] de Daniel Stuparu Dramatis Personae: B\u0102TR\u00c2NELUL STR\u0102INUL Ac\u0163iunea se desf\u0103\u015foar\u0103 \u00een preajma ruinelor unui castel medieval, \u00eentr-un sat de munte. \u00cen apropiere, o poart\u0103 mare, de fier blocheaz\u0103 accesul spre ruine. \u00cen fundal, se aude \u015fuieratul unui tren \u015fi scr\u00e2\u015fnetul sabo\u0163ilor de fr\u00e2n\u0103. Dup\u0103 c\u00e2teva clipe, un nou \u015fuierat […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[946,83],"tags":[45,1161,1124,590],"class_list":["post-9174","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-egophobia-36","category-experiment","tag-daniel-stuparu","tag-egophobia-36","tag-experiment","tag-teatru"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6DakB-2nY","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9174","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9174"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9174\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9175,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9174\/revisions\/9175"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9174"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9174"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/egophobia.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9174"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}