by Doru Chirodea
44.
Killin time last night in me crib. By chance, a friend of mine, a surgeon from Munich Germany, drops by.
So, I go, you kinda butcher, right?
Yeah bro, most of ‘m don’t make it coz I am usually busy on my phone with one of my future eXs. Only last month, about 7 dudes kicked da bucket by the time I hung up.
And?
And for instance, the other day, I return from the toilet into the operation theatre and the anesthesia guy cries, Doc the patient croaked.
Call the morgue.
So, we laughed our asses off all night long.
And?
And nothing man, it turns out, life ain’t for everybody.
55.
Once… back in the day
I was supposed to be the getaway car driver for a bank heist in Chicago.
So, there I went with the guys and waited and kept waiting and waited parked half a block away from the bank and the imminent dead cashiers and most bank guards gone to heaven and of course, my big time $ bounty cut.
After 3 long hours…
A Rasta dude passes by my car, stops, turns around and says to me:
Hey mahn, come to think ov it, are you the dumb ass waiting on the robbery?
Yes bro, kinda am!
Well, m tellin you brethren, while having my burger in the fast food joint here at the corner near the bank, willy-nilly I overheard 3 guys laughing and saying there’s a Romanian dimwit in a red car down the street who never understood they only needed a ride to Burger King.
50.
My doppelgänger brother is my lover
My sister wears a goat smile ever since she joined the Tonton Makout
My father murders various fellers just for da heck of it
My mother was deemed DOA right before the invention of time
My son is a cow tipping world champ
My daughter feeds marmalade to her erogenous mole cricket pet
As of me, I can’t tell whether I left, or right
Or I’d better morph into 1 Nina Hagen with 2 dicks
56.
The Küfeci Principle
Of course we don’t know what we don’t know
But
Meticulously applying the küfeci principle to your mode of not knowing or not thinking might save your sorry ass
The küfeci principle (TKP) posits no philosophical solution per se
Yet
By its unimpressive uniqueness it improves your chances of you becoming a lesser bozo
TKP postulates the following:
- All true illusions are true
- Sniffing 7 coke lines in Paris at 3AM will prevent you from visiting the Louvre that day
- Only your garbage man knows what your problem is
- Wakefulness is a waste of time
- You are a biological accident and even your mum knows it
Good luck!