by Corneliu Negru
Don’t close your eyes, always keep the light on.
“But I’m trying to do just that.”
“Maybe you are not trying hard enough.”
“How do you know that?”
“I didn’t say I know, but are you sure that you’ve tried enough?”
“I don’t know how to answer to that.”
“But when you close your eyes, what do you see?”
“I see nothing, but I feel.”
“And what do you feel?”
“I feel the darkness inside me, I feel like a worm is growing inside of me, a worm that consumes me and at the same time consumes itself.”
“Do you have any idea why you are in this situation?”
“What do you mean? I thought we’re talking about light and darkness.”
“Yes, the darkness, you’re right. How do you think that worm was born?”
“I’m not sure, I think that I was actually born with it.”
“Oh, you believe that someone may have planted it?”
“What do you mean by that? What are you insinuating?”
“I’m not sure, do you believe God exists, you think we’re cursed?”
“I never thought about it, until now.”
“Don’t you think you should do it?”
“I’m scared…”
“Of what?”
“Of finding an answer…”
“But didn’t you hear?”
“What?”
“You didn’t hear that the truth will set you free?”
“For real?”
“Yes, that’s what wise men say.”
“Not sure what to say. The only thing I’m sure about right now is that I feel devoured.”
“I think we’re going back where we started…”
“Yes, where we started.”
“Have you tried to accept the worm inside of you?”
“But I can’t reach it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well…it doesn’t answer to me.”
“So what do you propose we do?”
“I don’t think I’ll do anything about it. I’m starting to accept this condition.”
“How long do you believe you’ll last without closing your eyes.
“I’ve managed to do it for days.” (not sure)
“Don’t you feel the need to sleep?”
“I do, but I have no time for that.”
“Listen, what do you think about the dark? Who invented it?”
“I believe this question is absurd.”
“Absurd yes…that’s right. But the curse that’s upon you, what do you think about it?”
“I don’t believe it’s a curse. I think it’s a trial.”
“What kind of trial?”
“It’s testing me to see how long I can last without blinking.”
“And you don’t think that’s absurd?”
“I do, but there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Have you tried to kill yourself?”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t have the guts to do it.”
“So, you’re a coward?”
“No, but I just don’t have the guts to do it.”
“Listen, so what do you think it will happen if you don’t open your eyes anymore?”
“I think I’ll die.”
“Why’s that?”
“With every blink and every moment my eyes are open, the worm inside of me consumes me.”
“What do you think he wants from you?”
“Don’t know how to answer to that, what do you think?”
“I think he wants to be no more, it seems like he wants to die as well.”
“Then, why did he choose me as his utero?”
“I tend to believe that you’ve been condemned…”
“But I’ve done nothing.”
“Probably that’s the reason. But is there something that would you like to do?”
“Not sure what I could do. I’ve been fighting for a while not to close my eyes and had no time to think about something else.”
“Do you think the worm is irrational?”
“Why would you say that?”
“Why would he want to consume you and himself at the same time?”
“That’s how he acts?”
“Would you consider this something rational?”
“I want to believe it is.”
“Let me ask you something. You think that you’d be better off without him?”
“Maybe not.”
“Why is that?”
“That’s who I am. That’s how I’ve always been. This is my way of being.”
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