by Ramzi Albert Rihani
I have a few questions that I will be grateful if you could send down your answers. I say “send down” because we’ve been taught that you are up in heaven. God forbid, you cannot be down in hell. That’s where bad things happen. You are the almighty, the most powerful, the most knowledgeable, intelligent, and capable, the kindest, and the fairest one of all. Your magic makes the best magicians in the world look like novices in their field. They can make tricks on stage and make things disappear and reappear and we’d pay expensive tickets to see them. You, on the other hand, created the entire universe effortlessly while sitting on your throne, and you offered it to us for free. But was it really free?
Birth
You created us all equal. Or so it is claimed. Of the 7.9 billion people who live on your earth, we were taught that all were created equal. How is it so when the baby born to a billionaire father in NYC is equal to the baby born in Anand Nagar, the poorest slum in Calcutta? You may say that we should not measure equality by wealth. True, but if wealth provides comfort and opportunities in life that are far beyond someone who survives on a bowl of rice per day, you cannot claim that they are equal. You may argue that despite the wealth the former was born into, that baby may grow up to be depressed, on opioids, and suicidal, and that the latter, born on the back alleys of Anand Nagar may be much happier. If so, then why didn’t you let us all be born in a world of slums but guarantee our happiness? I apologize if I sound argumentative. Some of your citizens down here believe that there is a little bit of God in each of us. This is why I am allowing myself to ask these questions.
Death
You are the ultimate decision-maker of who dies, when, and how. This gets to be a little too harsh. If you can share your criteria with us, you will make our life a little easier and more understanding of death. You gave us 70-100 years to live yet sometimes you take people at a much earlier age and cause undue suffering to their loved ones. First, where did you get the 70-100 years from? Why not 25 or 250 years? Certainly not because of physical and health reasons. Remember, you, and only you, make these rules.
Further, your death sentence comes so abruptly. I didn’t mean it in the earthly definition because you are above all judges and juries. So why don’t you give notice to your candidates, like a standard two-week notice that most humans are used to in the work force. This way you allow them to bid farewell to their loved ones, pay their bills, and try to finish items on their bucket list.
We cannot lobby for reconsideration for someone’s premature departure as you, unilaterally, make this decision and we bear the consequences. Ok, I’ll meet you halfway. Have you ever thought of introducing a visitation-of-the-departed program on an as-needed basis? You can charge a handsome amount per visit and limit the number of visits. But then, this would be a privilege for the wealthy who can afford it and who would write it off as a tax deduction and we would fall into the trap of wealthy versus poor who cannot pay for the program. So, people are not born equal. To us humans, this is absurd, but you may impose on us any rule that provides better solutions, and no one will contest it. The trick is that we need to make sure the rule is coming from you directly because down here, many people claim that they are your spokespersons. When this happens, things escalate quickly, and it creates havoc. You have to put an end to it. You are the leading superstar, and your reps here lose control more often than they should. You are more popular than the Beatles, Tiger Woods, Elon Musk, and Shakespeare combined. Don’t hesitate. Do it and I guarantee, we will follow.
Politics
Here’s a very controversial issue, and I hope you can put some law and order to it. I am sure you are aware of what’s going on politically here. Wars are being waged against innocent people because of a piece of land, oil, gas, natural resources, or for some leaders to achieve personal and political gains. Only you can put an end to this. Yet, you stand by watching. I know you do not enjoy watching your citizens being killed en masse. Or do you? If you were a political leader here, you would get so much criticism for not interfering to stop wars. People tend to love you and believe in you. They pray to you. Some people pray to you five times a day. So, why don’t you give us explanations, solutions, and start treating people unequally by rewarding the good ones and making the bad ones accountable? Don’t let us decide who’s good and who’s bad. This is your job. We trust your judgment until you start making mistakes! Sounds subjective? Sure! But this is on you!
Recently, you made some of your countries elect or appoint heads of States like Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Assad, and Aoun. Haven’t heard of the last one? Don’t worry he’s irrelevant. These guys haven’t done any good on your earth. Wars are waged, nuclear arms are developed, oppression, lies, crushing any citizen who criticizes them, etc. All hell broke loose under their reign. Why did you let this happen? You can change all this in one minute after your morning coffee. It is admirable that most people still have the same reverence, love, respect, and belief in you. No matter how low your people can dig, you remain above all criticism, as if you were truly God. You make this happen so confidently and be sure that people still pray to you more times than they have food every day. Man, sorry I meant God, you are a real magician; the ultimate almighty magician who has the whole world wrapped around his finger. Did I say His finger? We are programmed to refer to you as male, not female. Honestly, I do not know which you are. We are used to picturing you this old man with a big beard, exactly how Michelangelo painted you on the ceiling, which is precisely how God looks like. But perhaps, you are female, and we do not know it. If I were a painter, then I would paint the most beautiful picture of God, the female version: a tender woman, yet very powerful, beautiful, encompassing all passions for her people and the solver of all their problems.
Are you aware that in one of the most powerful countries on your earth, Presidents are voted in based on whether they are pro-life or pro-choice? You may be laughing at us for this, but this is the truth. I am sure small countries such as Gibraltar, Monaco, Maldives, and San Marino are not preoccupied with this. I never checked these facts, but we humans can be sure without checking and verifying! That’s on you! Why don’t you settle the argument of abortion and provide your undisputable decision once and for all, so we can let go of this argument and proceed with our lives?
I happen to live in the US, and this is why I draw my examples from the US political system. You created our second amendment and gave us the right to bear arms. Really? Do you want each of us to bear arms for self-defense? From whom? I appreciate your views on this and your ultimate and non-reversible decision. I would appreciate it if you would let me know before the end of next week—the local arms store in DC has a current sale that if you buy 2 semi-automatic machine guns, you get a free Smith & Wesson, M&P9 SHIELD EZ M2.0, Semi-Automatic Pistol, Internal Hammer Fired, Compact, 9MM. Let me know, so that I will buy an assortment of guns and pistols and shoot any unwelcome visitor to my home. If this is what you want, then I’ll do it, but I must say I’m unhappy with this. And just for our understanding, I would be grateful if you let us in on that decision. At least you will see more commitment from your citizens down here. That is what we were taught in management. You are the ultimate manager, strategic thinker, and leader. People criticize world leaders who manage from their thrones and are oblivious to their people’s plight and suffering. Needless to say, you are a colossal power that is beyond any criticism.
Love
Oh, here comes a softy. You make us fall in love and out of love as if we were puppets. Most of your envoys to earth asked us to love one another. Yet you interfere out of nowhere and spoil an entire relationship. I am sure you have your reasons for this, but what the heck, are we just numbers down here? I know we do not measure up to your might and intelligence to comprehend your very sophisticated formulae, but this is on you to make us understand. Even Google’s complicated algorithm is unable to decipher the way you manage around love. Have you ever been in a relationship? People may laugh that you are asked this question. But seriously have you ever been in one? Tell us about it. How long did it last? Did you have children? Are you alone up there or do you have a family of Gods?
Years ago, I met an Indian guy who was about to get married. He told me that he had never met his wife-to-be. He had not even seen her picture. You know who I’m talking about. So, I asked him what if you marry her and then you discover that you do not, cannot, and will never be able to love her. He answered, “Then, I will learn how to love her.”
Was that the God in him who answered? I felt so at the time. You remember, don’t you? You were there. And we were taught that you are everywhere all the time. “Here, There, and Everywhere.” Did the Beatles write this song for you? Now, that is super magical. Unfortunately, this raises our expectations so much. You are everywhere, know everything and everyone by name—first and last— and your wish becomes our command. So why don’t you make your wishes attainable by your citizens? Otherwise we fail, and ultimately you fail. No one wants this.
Accessibility
This becomes personal. People are afraid to ask about contacting you. But let me be— for a few minutes—the voice of the fearful citizens. Are you accessible to us? Are you available to answer questions or offer explanations on major issues whenever we need you? I ask because often, I hear people say “How can there be God, and this happens?” Don’t get upset with them. They say this out of love and concern to you, and not out of hatred. They may be frustrated, but they still love you and admire you. So, can you be accessible to them? I know there is a lot of us here—7.9 billion people. But since you know us all and you are here, there, and everywhere, you can be accessible to us. I am not talking of customer support accessibility. They are only available Monday–Friday, 6 a.m.–6 p.m. Pacific Time, and if you call them after those hours, you get an overseas answering service that only you can understand. I am talking about providing comfort when comfort is needed. This doesn’t cost you much time or effort. I am telling you; this will so raise your ratings that you will be the God of Gods.
Think about it.