The Philosophical Porn of Pharcicall P. Doe

by Patrick Călinescu

 

Would you like to lick the behindness of my ear?

 

You want me to lick you behind your ear?

 

Yes, I have a spot in the thereness of the behindness of my ear.

 

And you want me to make you very horny by licking it till the front of my tongue drops slackened with fatigue?

 

Yes, I would very much like you to expand the horniness of the thereness of the behindness of my ear into the receptiveness of the thereness of the frontness of your tongue—till I’m not a moanee any more, and you, no longer a moaner.

 

Oh, that is what you truly want, right?

 

Correct.

 

Then why didn’t you say so?

 

As I’m a philosopher by nature & nurture, I did—I believe I did.

 

Oh, you are a philosopher, aren’t you?

 

Yes, I am—I actually am philosopher.

 

So what’s the difference?

 

To be a philosopher is to be a philosopher by nurture, which I indubitably am. But to be philosopher—simply to be philosopher—is to be philosopher by nature, which I indubitably am, which requires no grammatically-based ontic foundation for my being philosopher by nature, which is, in effect, the foundation for my being a philosopher by nurture, which foundation could never have been foundational without the foundation that has turned it into the foundation that it actually is, which is the foundation of my being philosopher by nature, which is not the foundation of my being a philosopher by nurture.

 

Oh…

 

Yes, I know…

 

So you still want me to lick you behind your ear?

 

Till the front of your tongue drops slackened with fatigue, yes?

 

Yes.

 

Yes.

 

Then put you ear to my mouth and I’ll…

 

… both lick me behind my ear and lick the behindness of my ear in order to satisfy both my being a philosopher by nurture and my being philosopher by nature?

 

Oh, boy!

 

Boy by…

 

Come already!

 

Coming…