by Petre Țiplea
edited by Diandra Sovailescu
There was always a problem with I. With Me – equally, but most of the time with I. I had issues with me. Big ones. The kind that always gave me trouble. I’ll admit that myself – well, I – was a difficult type of person. I remember when we were asked: what are we? And there came the banal answers: human, homo sapiens sapiens, flesh and bone, thought, feeling, emotion, sentiment, soul.
I am a soul. But I am not feeling it. I never did. I will most likely not be able to ever feel it. That’s what my spirit says. Right? I always differentiate between spirit and soul. The soul is dark, empty, hiding somewhere out of reach. When I try to search for it, I always end up empty handed. Hypothetically, I seem to know what the soul is and where to find it, but I always find myself lost when it comes to actually finding it.
I’m not angry. My spirit pulsates. He’s like a pure energy ball, activated by everything and by nothing. He jumps, leaps, teleports, appears, and disappears. He comes whenever I think of him and burns like a fire when I think about the soul; he gets green when he seeks for me but finds nothing. Some days I feel I can touch him but others that he is ephemeral. I always tell myself not to be such a prick.
But self is a weirdo. He’s like an old man. He looks at the spirit, as if from the mirror, and spits acid in his face. He’s never satisfied. Being neighbor with either spirit or soul is apparently too much for him. He shuts me inside with him lot. There’s an apparent fear in him. It seems almost pathological. Most of the times I just tell myself deal with it. But I, myself don’t really want to be a part of it. Self is one of those ignored guys that never deals with I, me, myself badly, just perfunctorily. He has a bit of conflict with soul, spirit and thought – and is known to deal politely with the subject.
Now subject isn’t a bad guy. He’s the center of attention most of the time; he’s bit superficial with most things. Myself keeps his distance, but spirit, I and me like him a lot. How should I put it? He’s the type that has a powerful spirit and is always with me. They say the three are a good team. I am a bit doubtful. But most of the times they are left alone. Soul and self have a tendency to act like I. Subject is mostly focused on myself, anyway. It’s not that bad. Just that me gets I is sometimes jealous. Nothing to do about it. Deal with it-me!
I am always such a mess and I don’t know most of the time what I, or myself wants… Sometimes soul, spirit, self and subject help me. Other times they are making it worse. In the end all that’s left is I. Haha…